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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to rehome my destructive dog?

178 replies

novaclover · 04/02/2019 18:30

I'm rehoming my dog. When we adopted him as a puppy we had no idea what breed he was or what his temprement would be, and now we're left with a high energy, anxious, destructive dog who since our other dog died can't be left alone for more than an hour. He can escape crates, long walks don't stop his anxiety, he'll happily go to the bathroom inside and he will literally tear doors off of cupboards rather than play with his own toys. We've tried everything but it seems like the only solution will be to make sure he has company 24/7, which is obviously impossible.

The guilt is eating me alive and I feel like a failure because I can't cope anymore. It's been 6 years and today I came home to find all of my baby's toys had been destroyed despite me putting them in a high sided playpen.

AIBU to rehome him?

OP posts:
BlueSlipperSocks · 04/02/2019 19:55

We did speak to our vet and the rescue we adopted him from and they couldn’t give us any additional advice, we really can’t afford a behaviourist and it would be unlikely that either of us would actually be able to dedicate 100% of our time and attention to rehabilitation due to other commitments

It seems you don't have time for the dog - hence his behaviour. The dog would be better off with someone who has time to train and exercise him. Plus, who will spend time stimulating his brain.

Why do people get dogs, do nothing with them and then complain that the dog has no boundaries 🤦‍♀️

You obviously don't enjoy your dog. Rehome him, via a rescue centre, to someone who will. Give the dog the chance of a decent quality of life

ResistanceIsNecessary · 04/02/2019 19:55

I am all for the fact that you give the dog your best shot, but this sounds like a severe case of separation anxiety. Some dogs will never overcome it and need someone there all the time. There are dogs at the independent rescue I support, who are permanent sponsor dogs as the rescue will never offer them for re-homing because their behavioural problems are too severe.

The dog's welfare is paramount here; he's obviously unhappy and it sounds as if you've tried most of the obvious stuff already. A behaviourist would be the next step but that requires consistent work over a period of time and is only an option worth pursuing if you have the time to dedicate to the dog. IMO he sounds like he'd be much happier in a home with someone retired or who is at home FT, where he's got company all of the time.

Try re-posting this in the Doghouse topic; there are lots of experienced posters in there who can give good advice. AIBU will always attract very emotive responses!

Original poster
novaclover · 04/02/2019 20:12

We didn’t get a dog with no time and money. We got him when we were in the perfect situation to get a dog, but life has happened and it’s left us in this state. I would never get a dog when I have so little time and not as much disposable income, and I’ve tried the best I can with vets, training, and rescue advice. We didn’t adopt him recklessly and I’m not giving him away because it’s the easy choice.

I’m now going to be judged for the rest of my life as the selfish bitch who gave her dog away aren’t I?

OP posts:
Streamside · 04/02/2019 20:19

She say you don't have time to commit 100% so you've made your decision. Such a pity of the poor dog who's obviously traumatized by the death of his friend but it might be better off with someone who has the time and energy to commit to him.

straightjeans · 04/02/2019 20:20

Don't listen to the advice of 'just get another dog'. Incredibly naive.

userschmoozer · 04/02/2019 20:20

Yanbu. Unfortunately not every dog is able to adapt to what we need them to do as pets. If the dog has a place in a knowledgeable rescue, rehome him, and donate to support the cost of his keep.

Honeyroar · 04/02/2019 20:25

He sounds like he’s desperately lonely and missing his friend. Could you not think of getting him a companion? Two dogs play together, amuse one another, sleep together...

LKRJM · 04/02/2019 20:25

I absolutely love dogs and truthfully think there’s many reasons why you should ever ‘get rid’. My friends have 2 and after having children and moving into rented accommodation have left them with their parents and now talking about rehoming them because with kids it’s ‘too difficult’ - they’re never walked, always locked in cages or small rooms. But OP if you know you’ve done everything you can to help the dog with your resources then giving him up might be the best thing for him and this is what this is about - what’s best for the dog. I couldn’t bear the thought of mine being miserable and anxious all day when there are people who could give him lots more time, my MIL in her 60s rehomed a troublesome staffy a few years ago and because she’s retired he goes everywhere with them and he is a totally different dog to the one he was when he first arrived, the owners did the right thing giving him up. Maybe donate the weekly food/insurance cost to the rescue for him until he gets adopted? That way you’re not completely shredding yourself of the responsibility and can’t be called selfish! Good luck, I’d hate to be in your shoes x

Moondancer73 · 04/02/2019 20:28

YABU to rehome him. He's plainly anxious and needs your help! Would you rehome a child that starting displaying signs of anxiety? If you got him from a rescue and have since spoken to the rescue - as your post suggests - then if you truly can't be bothered to try and help him any more - i.e work with a behaviourist - then the rescue should take him back, that's what good rescues do. I hope the poor boy gets a decent home where someone won't give up so easily

Hoopaloop · 04/02/2019 20:54

What make of dog is it he?

WiddlinDiddlin · 04/02/2019 21:51

www.thecanineconsultants.co.uk/blog/separation-anxiety-fact-vs-fiction

This gives you a good idea of what fixing separation anxiety looks like.

If you cannot commit to that, and many people simply cannot, then he needs to go back to the rescue you got him from (assuming they have that policy, most do) and they rehome him.

YANBU to not have the time and money to do this - you would be highly unreasonable to keep a dog whose issues you cannot address, purely because it feels horrid to rehome.

prettypossums · 04/02/2019 21:56

Sorry if I missed it but just to clarify - do you work full time? Is the dog home alone during the day?

Maelstrop · 04/02/2019 21:56

Getting another dog won’t necessarily resolve the problem to whomever mentioned that. I say do it. I’ve been through hell with mine, but I know he would have been put to sleep had I handed him into rescue. If yours stands a chance of being re-homed, then do it. You sound like you’ve done a lot to help. Sometimes, it’s the right thing to do.

Crazycrazylady · 04/02/2019 22:07

Gosh life's too short to put up with that. Absolutely rehome him. He is not a child🙄

Enidthecat · 04/02/2019 22:12

I don't think you're selfish at all to rehome him. I think you need to do what is best for the dog's welfare. If you are unable to spend the time and money on working with a behaviourist then it is the fairest thing for him to rehome. I don't judge anyone for doing that, as sometimes the hardest decision for us is the best one for the animal.

foodenvy · 04/02/2019 22:33

YANBU

MoreCheeseDear · 05/02/2019 06:20

People need to get a grip and stop comparing dogs with children. If you can't see the difference you need help.

Hanab · 05/02/2019 06:51

Do what you need to do OP. You have a kid, who knows if it will turn on the kid next as the kid will get more attention. It’s needs help and you have tried but are not coping or able to achieve it. You are not just abandoning it on the side of the road like some folk - which is a cruel thing to do.I applaud you in taking this step. You are being responsible .
People need to realise animals are just that animals. People humanise them. You cannot compare a dog to a human. Well that’s my humble opinion.

Youshallnotpass · 05/02/2019 07:13

People need to get a grip and stop comparing dogs with children. If you can't see the difference you need help

This. I love dogs (and cats) but they are pets. Comparing them to human children is insulting if nothing else

GottaGoGottaGo · 05/02/2019 07:14

You had him from a puppy and now he is 6 years old? What breed is he? Surely you could have worked that out and sought ways to help him in SIX years? Has he been destructive all this time? If so what consistent training have you done in the past? Does he still get really long walks a couple of times a day now you have a baby?

If he has been like this all that time, why suddenly now do you want to give him up? If he has only suddenly been anxious and destructive, apart from the loss of your other dog, which would have been very traumatic for him, what else has changed? How did you introduce him to the baby?

To be totally honest, I think now you have your baby, you are looking for excuses. Your poor dog has lost his pal and is lost, anxious and confused by the situation and showing you the only way he can and you are too busy with the new arrival to help him.

pandechocolate · 05/02/2019 07:22

It's only a dog, FFS, not a child.

I hate this attitude. Dogs have the same mental capacity as a two year old. Does a 2 year old forget you forever when you drop it off somewhere? If this dog is struggling now, wait until its in kennels and is overlooked because of destructiveness.

Personally OP, I would consider doggy day care in youe situation. It's a great solution for dogs with separation anxiety when owners can't put in the training time to break the habit/fear. I'd also work with a behaviourist to tackle is anxieties and come up with a very gradual plan to help.

crimsonrose19 · 05/02/2019 07:25

Yanbu, you've tried your best. He isn't a child, he's a dog, he shouldn't be allowed to cause such upheaval in a home.

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 05/02/2019 08:03

I’ve tried the best I can with vets, training, and rescue advice

You've literally said you haven't even tried a proper trainer or behaviourist, so clearly you haven't tried at all.

YABVU. Poor dog.

KateGrey · 05/02/2019 08:10

Has the vet seen him to make sure he’s not poorly? What training have you tried? Poor dog has just lost his companion (did you see the episode of dogs behaving badly where there was a dog who was nervous? The other dog had died and he had taken it hard and had severe separation anxiety. The specialist managed to help them sort things out). Family life plus a dog isn’t easy. It’s a lot of commitment. We’ve recently got a puppy and it is hard work (I have three kids and two have Sen). I think if you’ve genuinely tried and you’ve been committed to training and walking and it is still not working maybe he’d better off finding a new home.

MoreCheeseDear · 05/02/2019 08:13

I hate this attitude. Dogs have the same mental capacity as a two year old. Does a 2 year old forget you forever when you drop it off somewhere?

Ridiculous. I hate this attitude. Dogs don't matter as much as children. They just don't. Get used to it.

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