Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grown adults getting upset over Facebook isn't normal.

362 replies

FacebookFeud · 03/02/2019 13:54

I know I'm not being unreasonable, 99% sure of it, but I'm losing my mind over the incredulous nature of this. I'm dumbstruck that this is an issue and need advice.

I had a falling out with a relative on my husband's side. I shared a meme about enjoying solitude and liking my own company and they thought it was targeted at them, I explained that it wasn't but they weren't having it. I ignored their behaviour because honestly I was baffled that a grown adult would read that into someone's post let alone accuse them of it to their face.

I subsequently placed that person on restricted to avoid future arguments. I don't like Facebook drama, or this sort of drama in general and have no time for it, so I did this to ensure it wouldn't happen again.

They have found out I've done this and gone bazerk. Calling me childish, rude, that I'm picking on them, that I hate them.

I really hate this sort of thing. Short of deleting my entire profile, which I don't see why I should have to do, I don't know how to resolve this without that person being offended.

Were they not a relative of my husband's I'd tell them to sod off. I've never met adults like this!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
14
newnameforthis7 · 03/02/2019 15:00

@FacebookFeud

I'm amazed honestly , do grown up rational adults actually give a shit about what's posted on Facebook?

it seems so petty. that's how I see it.

The irony is lost on you isn't it?

You keep banging on about how people are soooo petty and childish, and you can't understand how 'grown-ups' can behave this way, yet your behaviour (posting the silly meme!) is as petty and childish as anything and anyone that you are slagging off.

And you may also be shocked to learn this, but 'grown-ups' get offended and upset by a myriad of things, and some things that some people may consider petty or silly. It doesn't give you - or anyone else the right to mock or berate them because YOU find it 'trivial' Clearly they have got offended at your sly, passive-aggressive, underhand sniping on facebook. And that is their right.

As a number of posters have said, it's painfully obvious that your little meme was directed at your husband's extended family.

You need to apologise to them frankly.......

@PerverseConverse

Passive aggressive "funny" memes are attention seeking and juvenile imo. It's easy to see why your relative took offence as it does seem aimed at them and lots of previous posters have said the same.

This. ^

AntheaGreenfern · 03/02/2019 15:00

The initial posting seems silly to me too op.

I wouldn't answer like your relative but I'd just think you a "slogan chucker" and shake my head privately in irritation. But you'd never know because I'd be trying my best to ignore it..which is why I'm not taking up Facebook or Instagram for family and friends.
It's just too easy for these scattergun "deep" pronouncements to be taken the wrong way. And with a majority of people my guess is you'd never know they are hurt/ irritated.

MrLovebucket · 03/02/2019 15:01

@FacebookFeud How did they find out you'd put them on restricted?

I've just restricted my posts so that my (very recent) ex can't see them. He's always annoyed me by never posting anything, liking or commenting on my posts yet always knows exactly what I've posted. Felt a bit stalkerish so I've put him on restricted.

Worried he'll find out now and make a drama out of it Confused

PeapodBurgundy · 03/02/2019 15:01

OP another Meme for your collection. YANBU.

Grown adults getting upset over Facebook isn't normal.
BartonHollow · 03/02/2019 15:01

There are competing issues here

Yes grown ups fighting about Facebook is in general absolutely pathetic - I've heard of even the police being called over it

However though your follow up memes are innocuous the first one may as well have read

X invited me to a party, HAHAHA NO THANKS

So you are just as guilty of being juvenile on Facebook and I'm not surprised she's upset

Also convenient drip feed is convenient

Original poster
FacebookFeud · 03/02/2019 15:02

You keep banging on about how people are soooo petty and childish, and you can't understand how 'grown-ups' can behave this way, yet your behaviour (posting the silly meme!) is as petty and childish as anything and anyone thatyouare slagging off.

I don't think having a different sense of humour, as in whether we think memes ate funny or not, is as childish as assuming one was directed at you, going mad about it and then getting even more annoyed when the person puts you on restricted to avoid future scenarios.

As I've repeatedly said it wasn't aimed at them.

OP posts:
caughtinanet · 03/02/2019 15:03

The restricted point has been answered above, someone who could see a post commented on it to the person who couldn't

Original poster
FacebookFeud · 03/02/2019 15:03

MrLovebucket someone we both know mentioned a post I'd made that they couldn't see and they worked it out.

OP posts:
Original poster
FacebookFeud · 03/02/2019 15:04

Peapod Grin

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 03/02/2019 15:04

I solved all my Facebook problems at one stroke by deleting the bugger. Not the relative - Facebook itself. I joined it briefly a couple of months ago because DIL lured me in with photos and videos of the DGC. Then yet another news item came out about the liberties FB take with personal data and I gave in to paranoia, closed my account and deleted the whole app off my phone (no half measures here). It is the work of the Devil, after all.

Missing those cute photos though.

JacksonPillock · 03/02/2019 15:06

Missing those cute photos though

Set up a family whatsapp group and ask her to send pictures on there every now and then!

Original poster
FacebookFeud · 03/02/2019 15:06

I've never had issues with Facebook since becoming older than 17. Never have I ever had anyone take such personal offence to something I've posted and I've posted offensive humour before too.

OP posts:
MrLovebucket · 03/02/2019 15:06

Ah right, thank you @caughtinanet and @FacebookFeud - I missed that post.

Don't think that will be an issue for me as we only have one mutual who I don't really interact with.

LimitIsUp · 03/02/2019 15:06

Gettingbackonmyfeet, try as I might, I can't now shake this mental image of you as a rather brusque person with a self declared 'no nonsense attitude' who bulldozes through life telling anyone who will listen that "they don't suffer fools gladly" and alienating everyone along the way.

I'm sure you're lovely really...….

Original poster
FacebookFeud · 03/02/2019 15:08

I dont mind people like you describe limit. At least they don't sit there for hours overanalysing Facebook posts!

OP posts:
JacksonPillock · 03/02/2019 15:08

I post for myself more than anything as a sort of virtual record of bits and bobs

So just put everyone on restricted. Then there's no chance of them talking to each other about things one saw and the other didn't.

Original poster
FacebookFeud · 03/02/2019 15:10

Jackson no one else takes offence to my posts though.

OP posts:
MacarenaFerreiro · 03/02/2019 15:10

know I'm not being unreasonable, 99% sure of it,

Absolutely no point in arguing with OP.

Parthenope · 03/02/2019 15:11

I don't want to have to spend my time thinking "oh I wonder if this will offend anyone" before sharing something. I just want my own private profile where I can share my thoughts, a few photos, what makes me laugh. I don't want to have to moderate myself on my own private profile. I post for myself more than anything as a sort of virtual record of bits and bobs.

Then maybe either have an entirely private FB without any friends, or switch to a closed blog, which will allow you to keep a record for yourself without the potential for misinterpretation. Once other people can see what you post, they are going to respond to it.

Original poster
FacebookFeud · 03/02/2019 15:12

No one else is offended though Parthenope. It's quite entitled for people to a) think they have a right to be on your friends list and b) that your posts are directed at them

OP posts:
PloddingOnwards · 03/02/2019 15:12

This is why I don't have Facebook way too much drama!

Fuppy · 03/02/2019 15:13

Wow a lot of people on here attacking someone for having/having a different sense of humour (all humour, like art is subjective) meme is a type of humour, just because you don't understand it, it doesn't make it childish and stopping anyone expressing themselves on social media isn't the answer. You will, whoever you are, whatever you do, however you look, behave etc. will offend someone, even unknowingly. In this case perhaps the timing was poor and perhaps that should've been explained to the relative if it wasn't.

Unfortunately in today's society if you want to be yourself publicly then you have to be prepared to lose 'friends' and/or have a thick skin to nasty comments.

JacksonPillock · 03/02/2019 15:15

Obviously you're pretty set in your opinion on the whole thing, OP, in which case, what do you want to people to say? You're really extending the drama now. Just ignore and move on. If they get too annoying put them all on restricted. Forget about it. It's just the in-laws.

Etc.

Lovemusic33 · 03/02/2019 15:16

How do you know no one else is upset by your posts? Maybe a lot of people don’t even see your posts because they have already hidden you?

There’s lots of stuff in Facebook that annoys me or upsets me, I hide them people so I don’t have to see their shit posts. Posting the odd meme is fine but people who post the same old stuff day in day out just get annoying. I don’t actually find much funny on Facebook, it’s just people moaning and looking for attention 75% of the time. Sorry, I have really gone off of Fb lately, it makes me depressed reading how depressed people are.

Unbearablecollies · 03/02/2019 15:16

I'd be a bit upset by that sentence too if I'd invited you to a party recently which you'd declined and then put that up. It's just insensitive and a bit pointed. You could do worse than see their pov?