Grown adults getting upset over Facebook isn't normal.

[FacebookFeud]

I know I'm not being unreasonable, 99% sure of it, but I'm losing my mind over the incredulous nature of this. I'm dumbstruck that this is an issue and need advice.

I had a falling out with a relative on my husband's side. I shared a meme about enjoying solitude and liking my own company and they thought it was targeted at them, I explained that it wasn't but they weren't having it. I ignored their behaviour because honestly I was baffled that a grown adult would read that into someone's post let alone accuse them of it to their face.

I subsequently placed that person on restricted to avoid future arguments. I don't like Facebook drama, or this sort of drama in general and have no time for it, so I did this to ensure it wouldn't happen again.

They have found out I've done this and gone bazerk. Calling me childish, rude, that I'm picking on them, that I hate them.

I really hate this sort of thing. Short of deleting my entire profile, which I don't see why I should have to do, I don't know how to resolve this without that person being offended.

Were they not a relative of my husband's I'd tell them to sod off. I've never met adults like this!

I think I probably timed it badly as I said it came up on a page I followed and I just shared it instantly because it was funny.

But I'm surprised by the meme hate

"I don't dislike this individual" sorry but given you've already said you're only friends on FB due to pressure from your oh I don't believe you.

"Relative knows I have Aspergers btw" HUGE drip feed!

But even so, you seem to have enough ability/insight to argue against those of us seeing it from the relatives point of view so I find it hard to believe you don't GENUINELY know why this has caused offence!

Delete it, apologise and think before posting.

I think a lot of FB squabbles could be avoided if people thought before posting!

"No deeper thought went into it." That's the problem!

I use Facebook to stay in touch with friends & family scattered far and wide.

I also have strong social/political views and have pages I'm on relating to these BUT I know my views are strong and could offend some people I care about even if we don't necessarily share these views. I also have other friends who, like me, can cope with more robust debate and will engage in debate with me without getting personal or offensive about it.

So I employ some common sense and compassion and manage my newsfeed accordingly. It's not hard. You could even have only shared that post with certain people.

THAT is using FB like an adult - which YOU are not doing.

Honestly? I think they've got you sussed, have called you out on it, you thought you were being clever and couldn't be called out and now you're embarrassed.

"Think it was a few days after" as many of us suspected. As you were so reluctant to answer this, this suggests to me you KNEW it unacceptably soon after the invite and we'd say so.

Why did you post this thread when you're so unwilling to accept even the possibility you played this wrong? Did you expect everyone to just agree with you? I think that's indicative of your attitude on FB too.

How do you know no one else is upset by your posts? Maybe a lot of people don’t even see your posts because they have already hidden you?

Because my friends comment on it and share similar stuff too?

People may have hidden me if they don't like my posts and that is 100% fine with me.

Set up a family whatsapp group

Lovely idea JacksonPillock - DIL even had the same idea. Brilliant, I thought. So I downloaded Whatsapp, read the privacy statement, and what d'you know? It belongs to the FB group and reserves the right to share MY data with it - as, apparently, does Instagram. So that went the same way, I'm afraid. DIL sounded just a teeny bit exasperated when I confessed. But at least I won't blame her for not trying to include me.

@BartonHollow

convenient dripfeed is convenient.

Hmmm I thought that. I LOL at some people on AIBU.

OP: 'Am I being unreasonable?'
90% of the posters: YES.
OP; 'you're WRONG, and I'm RIGHT, so there!!!'

Fuppy, it's universal not just in modern society.

We all balance "being ourselves" with living with others.

So basically:
They complain that they saw a post and took it personally
So then complained that you restricted them seeing your posts when you restricted them being able to see your posts in case they take it personally?
So they want to see your posts and to be in control of what you post by monitoring your page just in case they see something they don't like again?

Are they a control freak?

I'd remove them and if they ask why tell them in no uncertain terms it is facebook, them seeing your page in order to complain about what you post is far too controlling and to be honest, a bit fucking weird.

It does look like a very pointed PA dig coupled with your declining an invite so, yeah, lousy timing on your part. I kinda see where he was coming from because it doesn't actually say what you are trying to say it says, does it? These memes never are as hilarious or witty as the people who post and share them seem to think they are.

I agree he's being oversensitive but for the sake of 'family harmony' wait until he's calmed down a bit then say you realize now it did look bad because of the timing but it really wasn't aimed at him or indeed anyone.

You could even have only shared that post with certain people.

I've now done that by putting her on restricted but she's still unhappy about it.

sorry but given you've already said you're only friends on FB due to pressure from your oh I don't believe you.
I don't accept many people. Not because I don't like them but because I don't want shit like this happening.

I also have strong social/political views and have pages I'm on relating to these BUT I know my views are strong and could offend some people I care about even if we don't necessarily share these views.*
I don't have these people on my Facebook usually again for this reason

Honestly? I think they've got you sussed, have called you out on it, you thought you were being clever and couldn't be called out and now you're embarrassed.
Not in the slightest. Just gobsmacked how immature people are.

@FacebookFeud

Just gobsmacked how immature people are.

#potkettleblack #ironyalert

sackrifice that's what I don't get either. They moaned about it so I stopped them seeing it yet they're still annoyed.

The thread wasn't about the original meme. It was about their reaction to me restricting their access to my memes in the future.

new what's immature about posting something I personally find funny on my own personal profile? The key is personal.

No one sits there plotting who to offend with what meme.

I think you'll find they absolutely do. Its all very passive aggressive, social media is actually very anti-social.

FB is fit only for groups where people can shout into the silo of their own type, hobbies, politics and activities and even then the spectacular ways people can fall out is amazing.

BlindAssassin how do they have the time?!

It belongs to the FB group and reserves the right to share MY data with it. So that went the same way, I'm afraid. DIL sounded just a teeny bit exasperated when I confessed. But at least I won't blame her for not trying to include me

If you can convince your family to all install a new app, you could use Telegram!

I'm not on FB, will never be. To me it seems like living in your own house and your friends/family expecting you to have your curtains open 24/7. Then they get insulted at what colour you paint your living room. And then they get more insulted if you close the curtains so they can't see inside anymore. I can't be doing with that.

DH lost his BBF when he blocked him because the BFF was posting right-wing, pro-gun rhetoric and DH simply didn't want to see it. His friend went ballistic. Personally, the friendship was no loss (he's an arse) but DH was sad over the loss.

IMO, if you put shit 'out there' people are going to get offended. It doesn't matter what your motive is or even if there was no motive at all, they'll still get offended. You can't control that.

Just out of curiosity, how long was the interval between declining the invite and posting the meme?

what's immature about posting something I personally find funny on my own personal profile? The key is personal.

But its not personal, its in the open world of social media, its not private at all, that's the very nature of it. I suppose the rule would be if you wouldn't say it to the faces of all the people on your friends list don't say it on FB.

To me it seems like living in your own house and your friends/family expecting you to have your curtains open 24/7. Then they get insulted at what colour you paint your living room. And then they get more insulted if you close the curtains so they can't see inside anymore. I can't be doing with that.

This is how this person is acting. I've never used Facebook like that. I use it for special interest groups, debating, sharing memes and political stuff. If you don't want to see my stuff or I don't want you to see mine it's nothing to do with us liking each other and everything to do with us having different uses for Facebook.

Blind my profile is private. Obly my friends can see it.

My reason for declining was just that I don't like parties and am very tired at the moment and so don't feel up to going to any.

and you wonder why they were upset by your meme and thought it was directed at them? Are you being deliberately obtuse?

Anyway, OP, you are not prepared to hear any other opinion than you were right and they were wrong, silly, etc., etc., so just carry on as you are.

The thread is about me recognising they don't like my sense of humour, restricting them so they can't see my posts and them still moaning.

YANBU just completely ignore them. Some people thrive off drama and if it wasnt this it would be something else. Just medium chill them.

Honestly, I think the fact you put them on restricted was childish. If you really thought it was an honest misunderstanding it would have blown over. No wonder they think you don't like them - you post this after declining their invite and even when loads of people have pointed this out to you that the timing was not great - instead of saying sorry you are defending what you did.

Why is that childish? I don't want drama and people getting offended over my memes.

Create a group for your immediate family and very best friends. Give that group access to all your posts. It should contain about 20 people at most. Put every single other person (old school friends you barely talk to, extended family, in-laws, etc.) on restricted, so they can see your profile pictures and nothing else.

Job done.