Grown adults getting upset over Facebook isn't normal.

[FacebookFeud]

I know I'm not being unreasonable, 99% sure of it, but I'm losing my mind over the incredulous nature of this. I'm dumbstruck that this is an issue and need advice.

I had a falling out with a relative on my husband's side. I shared a meme about enjoying solitude and liking my own company and they thought it was targeted at them, I explained that it wasn't but they weren't having it. I ignored their behaviour because honestly I was baffled that a grown adult would read that into someone's post let alone accuse them of it to their face.

I subsequently placed that person on restricted to avoid future arguments. I don't like Facebook drama, or this sort of drama in general and have no time for it, so I did this to ensure it wouldn't happen again.

They have found out I've done this and gone bazerk. Calling me childish, rude, that I'm picking on them, that I hate them.

I really hate this sort of thing. Short of deleting my entire profile, which I don't see why I should have to do, I don't know how to resolve this without that person being offended.

Were they not a relative of my husband's I'd tell them to sod off. I've never met adults like this!

Keeping in mind that no one else on my page has ever complained about the stuff I post, surely by using the logic of catering to the majority which is what some of you are suggesting, as the majority on my page aren't offended then there's no issue.

You can't claim I have to consider the feelings of the individual and then justify it by saying because the majority says so and then tell me to know my audience when my audience is people who find the posts funny.

They're saying that in life it's probably good to stop and think before posting passive aggressive stuff on social media

But the OP didn't post with the intent to be passive aggressive.

You are asking her to look into the thoughts and feelings of every person who might read her FB page and image what they might think.

If the OP was NT and was posting with the intention of being upsetting you have a point. But she isn't and she wasn't. The people reading the post know this.

You want someone with Aspergers to consider what other people thoughts and feelings might possibly be if they read this post. Surely you can see the difficulties there?

I don’t know why you’re asking you don’t like the person that’s been made clear,

She invited you for something, you said no 2/3 days later you posted an unfunny meme other person got upset so you then blocked them but you can’t see how that could of been rubbing salt in the wound

why do people act like you not having them on your Facebook is worse than taking a shit on their doorstep? it's not that deep.

I'm not understanding how something is rude just because someone got offended?

How is it rude to imply you dont enjoy being in a large group?

I think it's very oversensitive for someone to gave taken offense at that meme... even if you are sure it's in response to your event (which they couldn't be really)... how is it a personal attack to know that someone maybe turned you down because they dislike socialising in a large group?

The OP simply will not accept the fact that she has caused offence. 14 pages of 95% of people saying she is in the wrong, but she just won't have it. And she tells everyone they're wrong and she's right, and resorts to personal insult when people tell it like it is.

Waste of time. Utter waste of time. No point in engaging really.

But again going back to social niceties, as a previous poster said ages ago, most people won't say anything, they'll just scroll past and roll their eyes. The only people who would be inclined to say anything are the people it affects.

I have someone on social media I get on with in real life but some of their posts online are so drama llama. I dont comment. I dont engage. I scroll past. If I heard one of their friends was offended by some of their posts then I'd be inclined to agree with their friend as some of them are passive aggressive and whiny. More fool my friend of they took absence of challenge as tacit approval.

You've asked in this situation if you were being unreasonable.
The majority of people have said you were unreasonable and why (countless times).
Nobody is suggesting a personality transplant or you train as a life coach, as you put it.
Nobody is saying you should never post anything funny.
People are saying that it's worth stopping for 30 seconds before posting and considering if something is passive aggressive and could upset someone. It's not a massive ask.

No being offended about a meme about a party isn’t in the same league but it shows that you are willing and capable of moderating what you post to consider other people’s feelings so why not do it in this case? You clearly don’t like the reaction your post provoked so surely it would be easier for you to put that little bit of consideration in before posting rather than deal with the family fall out afterwards.

I didn't even ask if the meme was offensive. I asked whether her response to being restricted as a result of her reaction was unreasonable.

Pork because it's obvious that a miscarriage is upsetting.

it's not possible or at least exhausting to have to constantly think of every little thing that might offend someone in case it does.

And maybe it comes naturally to most where they dont have to think constantly of things that might offend.
And that might be issue

And if it doesn't come naturally should you be expected to spend time and effort trying to understand the emotions and feelings that some people might choose to have if they don't roll their eyes and flick by?

Do you choose to make allowances for the permanently offended? Or do you twist yourself in knots trying desperately to understand nuance that most adults would tut over and ignore?

Should non NT spend their life working around the feelings that many NT people think are over sensitive?

"Oh FGS give over will you moussemoose! You sound ridiculous now! And keep your passive aggressive guilt tripping bollocks to yourself."

Hear hear

I've posted in awareness of the op's condition, but she can choose 2 paths:

Continue as she is and risk offending people she cares about directly or indirectly, by not learning from such events

Or

Accept they're not always right (factual =/= always correct), learn from the situation and act more considerately in the future.

Harder for op than most but not impossible.

Yes ideally the world adjusts for the disabled where possible, but sometimes the disabled person themselves needs to adjust how they do things to function in the world.

I'm disabled myself and have a number of friends & relatives that are disabled, including aspergers, adhd & asd. Adaptations are made wherever possible, it's not perfect yet but it's getting better. But the reality is, it's an NT world. That might not be fair, that's a much bigger question, but it's the reality.

Well said @importantkath

I wouldnt , however they can think they r over senstive , all they like doesnt mean they are being, it just means i didnt understand what it could imply. i disagree with original mention of them of being silly thinking it was them, i would have too. So dont think they were being over senstive. I would accept that even if u didnt believe it , didnt make me right and them wrong and would apologise. I also dont think restricting was right as just made it look like u would do behind back.

As I've repeatedly said it wasn't aimed at them. You choosing to believe I'm being disingenuous isn't my problem.
And hardly anyone here believes you either, even with the dripfeed. It isn’t just one person it’s the vast majority. That is where your problem lies. You might be saying it but nobody is buying it, which should tell you something. Everybody who does this denys it. You’d be far more believeable if you said “I really didn’t do it on purpose but I can see now how it might have looked and will be aware of that in the future” but you just keep fighting.

Wanted to know if adults actually got irritated by this bullshit.
Well, you do, so there’s your answer.

No one has ever told me or acted as if my posts have offended them
If someone was constantly posting memes which appeared targeted and denying it, i’d just hide their page and not engage with their drama.

I don't have Facebook to be thoughtful except that you post to provoke thoughtful debate

Good post @Graphista

Upshot is, in this world, you can't just do what, and SAY what you want, and then come up with a bunch of (dripfed) reasons why you think it's OK, and why YOU should be allowed to behave how you want.

@Yabbers

And hardly anyone here believes you either, even with the dripfeed. It isn’t just one person it’s the vast majority. That is where your problem lies. You might be saying it but nobody is buying it, which should tell you something. Everybody who does this denys it. You’d be far more believeable if you said “I really didn’t do it on purpose but I can see now how it might have looked and will be aware of that in the future” but you just keep fighting.

Also VERY good post from Yabbers ^

I think the OP jumped the shark about 7 pages back! She needs to stop. Seriously.

So you find a family feud less exhausting than taking a second to think if you’ve declined a party invitation within the last few days?

....'no thanks' really isn't offensive. You couldn't make this thread up. Bizarre.

blanche
It's been established pages back that the words on the meme aren't offensive.

An image about 'real friends' or 'just telling it like it is' isn't offensive, but sharing that sort of thing after a disagreement with someone is the sort of thing that provokes conflict.
I've known people post about what 'real men' do to superficially talk about how great their DP, but then can't see why their ex (and children's father) and his family might have an issue with that sort of passive aggressive nonsense on social media.
Something doesn't have to have offensive language to be the sort of thing that hurts or irritates people.

And the 'whooosh' award for the point spectacularly going over someone's head goes to.................

@BlancheM

Well done!

Thanks, new. Nah, couldn't get worked up about it at the start of the thread, still can't get worked up about it now.
As with anything on social media, if the shoe fits, wear it. If not, then it's not relevant to you and you're all good. Some people just want to shoehorn their foot in any old shoe so they can fill their drama quota for the week.
I refuse to accept that people genuinely personalise and genuinely are offended by such trivial things. I can't imagine how they cope when shit gets real in other aspects of life, i.e. actual life if that's the case.

Just thought I'd mention that there is this really good site called Elefriends run by Mind- I also have MH and sometimes post there is I want to share something that might rub others up the wrong way. It's great for that- you don't get the feeling afterwards, should I have posted that? It's much better. Just thought that might help.

Sometimes in the past I have nearly done similar to the OP. For example one person keeps posting all this stuff about how wonderful they are doing charity work etc, and I saw this meme about virtue signally and it feeding your ego. I nearly posted it! The thing is FB is full of all that stuff and it is easy not to think and just post.

It is often better just to tell people directly, for example of a party would not suit you you could just say thanks but I might find that hard due to my Aspergers. But that isn't always easy is it? and it sound like Op expected the person to 'know' that 'that would be a no then'.

Not easy. It's a bit like texts and how they can go wrong as well. It's very difficult to discuss sensitive topics and online maybe not the place sometimes.

OP, this isn’t about Facebook.

Look, I believe you that this relation is touchy and I think it is very confronting to challenge someone about being put on a restricted profile. If that happens people should look at themselves.

But you seem completely deaf to suggestions that you hurt this person’s feelings. You’ve said again and again that you explained it wasn’t about them. But did you actually say sorry for upsetting them? And did you realise that on some level it is about them. You turned down their party, your view on parties is “no thanks”. They found this hurtful.

This isn’t about Facebook, it’s about their perception that you are talking shit about them online and hiding it so they can’t see it.

Instead of calling them childish try one genuine apology. “I’m sorry, it was thoughtless for me to post that so soon after your party. It was very kind of you to invite me and I appreciate it. I really didn’t mean the post as a dig and when you were upset by it I thought it might be better to limit what posts you see. I’m sorry I hurt you by doing that. Can we put this behind us?”

I don't like Facebook drama, or this sort of drama in general

I've never heard "I don't like drama" said by anyone other than the chavvy types who absolutely thrive on it.

The same type who post passive aggressive walls of text thinking they're "memes" tbh.

I don't like Facebook drama, or this sort of drama in general

I've never heard "I don't like drama" said by anyone other than the chavvy types who absolutely thrive on it.

The same type who post passive aggressive walls of text thinking they're "memes" tbh.