Grown adults getting upset over Facebook isn't normal.

[FacebookFeud]

I know I'm not being unreasonable, 99% sure of it, but I'm losing my mind over the incredulous nature of this. I'm dumbstruck that this is an issue and need advice.

I had a falling out with a relative on my husband's side. I shared a meme about enjoying solitude and liking my own company and they thought it was targeted at them, I explained that it wasn't but they weren't having it. I ignored their behaviour because honestly I was baffled that a grown adult would read that into someone's post let alone accuse them of it to their face.

I subsequently placed that person on restricted to avoid future arguments. I don't like Facebook drama, or this sort of drama in general and have no time for it, so I did this to ensure it wouldn't happen again.

They have found out I've done this and gone bazerk. Calling me childish, rude, that I'm picking on them, that I hate them.

I really hate this sort of thing. Short of deleting my entire profile, which I don't see why I should have to do, I don't know how to resolve this without that person being offended.

Were they not a relative of my husband's I'd tell them to sod off. I've never met adults like this!

You mentioned that you have Aspergers. Does it manifest as you struggling to appreciate other's feelings / emotional responses? This is a genuine question but might explain you struggling to understand your relative's perspective.

Can I just ask a question...? I've read the OP about 10 times and can't see any reference to a declined invitation!

Am I missing something??

Then everything is fine, and you should be able not to care about the reactions of other people who might me annoyed/ offended/worried by your posts.

Social media are created with the purpose of entertaining people, let them express their views etc.. so once you post something you like or agree with you should ignore the reactions.

The OP later posted that she had declined an invitation from this relative within the week before posting the meme.

I think they can because the usual response when someone tells you you have upset them is not to basically say ‘I refuse to consider your feelings when I post in future so I’ll have to stop you from being able to view my profile’.
Also you are going to eventually end up having to restrict almost everyone if you literally don’t give a shit about offending people with what you post.
Having said all that it’s probably for the best you have restricted them as you are clearly going to continue to post without any consideration of their feelings. Their mistake is thinking that you might be more considerate in future.

So glad I deleted my account, its full of people looking to be offended because they love 'the drama'. If your post said 'i decline invites from people I secretly hate, hope you see this' I'd think it was passive aggressive. But there's nothing remotely offensive about it. You declining the invite because you don't like crowds isn't personal.
Some people spend so much time on FB, they think it's real life. It's sad.
You should've realised when your DH said the relative would be offended if you didn't friend them, that it was a bad idea. Unfriend, say you had to as you kept unwittingly upsetting her then disengage.

sparkle sometimes. My main issue with it is I'm very plain speaking and don't see the issue in social niceties like beating around the bush or white lies. I'm very honest.

pork I don't usually have people on there who find this sort of stuff offensive. Only have her as a favour to my husband who is more of a diplomat than I.

@Sparkletastic it might also explain the op's inability to understand the response of 90% of the posters on this thread!

Op, you are using FB as your own personal scrapbook/diary. People don't usually get to see what is would be in the the real life versions of those and so you have to recognise that stuff you post can be open to interpretation, and perhaps FB isn't the most appropriate place for posting this shit stuff.

Blanche I think you’re confusing passive aggressive with openly hostile 😂
Op even the most thick skinned people will have certain things that touch a nerve. If you refuse to give even a second thought to how what you post is received eventually you will cause offence.

That's nasty, Betty. She can use it however she likes, no one uses FB for what it was invented for anymore anyway.
OP, don't let this ridiculous relative get you down or think you're being inappropriate. You aren't hurting anyone.

This perhaps is a case of extroverts not understanding introverts. There was a thread about this only yesterday. Maybe not

Haha I know, passive violence! I was just making sure my point was clear.
People can't live their lives censoring minor, minor things on the off chance someone chooses to be offended.
If the relative was so hurt and offended, she would've unfriended the OP, problem solved.

That was to pork ⬆️

My main issue with it is I'm very plain speaking and don't see the issue in social niceties like beating around the bush or white lies. I'm very honest.

Well tbh, this is probably why you don't understand them taking offense. It comes across from your posts that because you don't get social niceties, you think other people are silly for observing them. To most people, social niceties are polite and are the oil that lubricates social interactions. You might think it's a good thing to come across as honest, but it may well come across as rudeness to others. That doesn't mean they are wrong and you are right.

Knittink that's true however once the person had stated that it wasn't aimed at you there's no reason to keep assuming it is

I don't have Facebook to be thoughtful or motivational. I'm not a life coach
Nobody is saying you have to be a life coach.
Many people are saying that if you use social media to share passive aggressive things then you can't be surprised when people don't think it's hilarious.

It's like I said earlier when people sharing things that hilariously not funnny and closer to obnoxious talk about how they just 'tell it like it is' and how people 'can't handle the truth but I don't sugar coat it'. It almost always translates as 'i know I'm rude and thoughtless (because i find this funny and have enough self awareness to identify with it enough to share it) but I'm too obnoxious to do anything about it'. They think it's so witty and funny. What the rest of the world sees is 'so you know you're rude but are quite happy to continue being rude'.

once the person had stated that it wasn't aimed at you there's no reason to keep assuming it is

People aren't always truthful.

Oh, and YABU.

I resent her implying that I'm a liar just because some people lie. How's that fair?!

@FacebookFeud I think sharing memes is fine if you find them funny and you know others may appreciate them. I am a big memer and have numerous friends with whom I share different tone and style ones.

I think in this situation, however because of the timing and this relative being sensitive, it's easy to see how they got offended. I'd unrestrict them and just let it go over your head.

I think it comes across as rude given you;d just turned down her invitation. Although you said you turned it down because you don't like to socialize in big groups so it seems the meme was applicable to the situation.
I would have apologized and moved on. The fact you restricted her is a slap in the face.
It doesn't really matter what any of us think though, you keep repeating that you are right and everyone else is wrong so what's the point of even posting here?

My main issue with it is I'm very plain speaking and don't see the issue in social niceties like beating around the bush or white lies. I'm very honest.

And clearly incapable of being wrong.

I can see both sides. I can see exactly why she thought it was aimed at her- and I can’t believe that the OP doesn’t also understand this- BUT there are several ways you can react to things like this if you are a grown up (or at least willing to act like one).

1- You see it, inwardly eye roll or mutter something to yourself, perhaps consider commenting but then remember that no one likes to see everyone airing their dirty washing online and you scroll past. Maybe you whinge to your husband about it, or a colleague. But you recognise that perhaps commenting all over the post is just going to light that touch paper and you decide it’s not worth the drama. After all, they’ve declined your invite anyway so you’re not going to have to put up with their company.

2- You decide to call them out on their passive aggressive attitude by commenting. When they reply to say “er, I just shared something I found funny? It wasn’t aimed at anyone?” You realise you’ve massively over blown the situation in your own head and you either apologise or just don’t engage any further. Not the most ideal reaction to the meme, but you were pissed off that they rejected your invite and thought they were taking the mick with the post.

Or apparently the option taken (which apparently 90% of mumsnet agree with) is number 3: to get offended, post all over the meme saying how offended you are, refuse to accept that the meme wasn’t directed at you regardless of ill timing and coincidence, cause the poster to decide to limit what you can see of theirs because clearly whatever you do see you’ll find offence in and also refuse to accept you’re wrong, then kick off about that as well. Throw some name calling in there for good measure- that always helps!!

I can see why they are pissed off, but I don’t think it’s acceptable to expect someone else to change how they post on their account just because you took something the wrong way. Even if it was intentionally posted to have a dog I still don’t think it’s ok to kick off about whatever the other person does. The OP explained it wasn’t about her, that wasn’t enough, OP restricted her, that wasn’t acceptable, OP has already said if she had refused the request or I friended her it would end in a similar row so what else is she supposed to do? Just not share stuff that she finds funny in case of it causing offence to her? I don’t know about you, but I don’t tend to mentally flick through my whole friends list whilst considering sharing something just in case there might be someone who is offended by it. I usually assume that either no one gives and shit about the crap I share (most likely!) or that they’re grown up enough to just scroll past or even hide my updates if they don’t like it. I’m yet to have a full blown domestic over a split second click of the share button so my assumptions are obviously doing ok so far.

I don’t tend to mentally flick through my whole friends list whilst considering sharing something just in case there might be someone who is offended by it. I usually assume that either no one gives and shit about the crap I share (most likely!) or that they’re grown up enough to just scroll past or even hide my updates if they don’t like it.

Exactly this

Well, people have explained how! You asked AIBU and most posters have said yes, and explained why. Why ask AIBU if you are going to ignore their replies?