"I've now done that by putting her on restricted but she's still unhappy about it"
A the problem is you did that as a reaction to her complaint
B excluding JUST her is not the same as being thoughtful and only sharing posts with those who will appreciate it - and learning NOT to share everything because you're aware it may offend.
Question - did you just "like"this meme or did you post/share it? I think that makes a difference too.
"Not because I don't like them but because I don't want shit like this happening."
That says to me
A - you're aware "shit like this" could happen
B - you've quite possibly offended/hurt people in the past via SM
"Not in the slightest. Just gobsmacked how immature people are." I fully expected you to deny this here, but you need to seriously consider if it's the truth in real life.
And frankly as pp have said, posting PA digs which I honestly believe is what you've done here is MORE immature than directly telling someone if you have a problem with something they've said/done.
"They moaned about it so I stopped them seeing it yet they're still annoyed." To be honest what they'll be thinking is you're STILL going to be making digs at them just hiding it from them. Doing it behind their backs.
"The thread wasn't about the original meme. It was about their reaction to me restricting their access to my memes in the future." But their reaction was a RESPONSE to the original meme. And I do think you've been disingenuous throughout the thread.
You mislead on what the meme was about, you didn't post the meme or even type the quote, you avoided for ages saying what the timing and context was...
"Just out of curiosity, how long was the interval between declining the invite and posting the meme?" Op says a few days 'they think' I think it's entirely possible given the way they're posting and responses they're getting that it was the day after. Wouldn't surprise me.
"I suppose the rule would be if you wouldn't say it to the faces of all the people on your friends list don't say it on FB." Exactly! If you wouldn't say it to them in real life don't say it on Facebook. That's the rule I go by.
Op - genuinely you need to answer this question if only to yourself - would you have said out loud THAT EXACT SENTENCE if the person who was offended was IN THE ROOM with you AT THE TIME you posted it? Given the context of the invite? Of course you wouldn't have!
"Blind my profile is private. Obly my friends can see it." It's a public platform, just as mn is. However you have your privacy settings it's SOCIAL media NOT private media. I don't even text people things about others I wouldn't say to the other persons face as its in writing and easily screenshot and shared - I've seen people come a cropper on that, even received texts about me clearly meant for someone else!
"The thread is about me recognising they don't like my sense of humour, restricting them so they can't see my posts and them still moaning." But in the context you described it WASN'T funny! It was hurtful and offensive and you're refusing to acknowledge that even though many of us - and i suspect your oh too as especially its his relative - are TELLING you this.
I accept you may not necessarily immediately understand this type of thing, but to stubbornly refuse to acknowledge you even COULD be wrong is not going to help you in future interactions of any kind.
"Why is that childish? I don't want drama and people getting offended over my memes." Then learn the power of a genuine apology and THINK before you post.
"90% of the time it's not the people being offended who need to reflect, it's the person who is instigating it." Totally agree.
In real life and on mn I've yet to come across a GENUINE case of someone being offended where there was no reason to be, every single time so far, once the context is revealed its been clear the offender was being a PA twat, didn't like being called on it and has resorted to making out the offended person was "overreacting" as a defence because they KNOW they were in the wrong.
"How is putting them on restricted adding flames" because you're not acknowledging that what you posted WAS offensive given the context of your recent interaction with that person. Timing & context are everything. Especially with humour - even comedians will tell you that.
Eg A joke about the homeless in the context of a charity appeal for them - not funny. In the context of shaming a politician who's made a stupid remark about it - funny. (Depending on the joke too of course)
KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE.
Tillytrotter1 - it's not the level of use that's necessarily the problem, I know people who rarely use it and when they do make the type of error op has. It's HOW it's used.
As op is saying, unfortunately she's not the only one, people treat it more like a private diary than a PUBLIC forum. That's when there's problems.
You wanna bitch about someone? Fine, you DON'T do it on SM
You wanna comment how much you hate parties? Fine, but you DON'T do it on SM where someone who's just invited you to one will read it!
"Either I have to stop sharing things I find funny, I share them but they get upset or they get upset because they can't see them" you RECOGNISE it's a PUBLIC forum, that this means you have to THINK before you share and CONSIDER if it's reasonably likely to cause offence - which in this case I would say was bloody predictable!
"You say that as if there was something wrong with me turning down an invite too." Nothing wrong with turning down an invite, EVERYTHING wrong with seeming to take a perverse pleasure in doing so - especially so soon after and especially publicly! It's bad manners!
"If someone does post about you if you get upset you give them power. If you ignore them and control your reactions then any unpleasantness reflects upon them not you." Sorry but that smacks of those teachers who for decades said of bullies "oh just ignore them they'll soon get bored" RATHER than assessing the bully/bullying!
"Her meme was not offensive, it was not rude." In the context of the timings it WAS.
"Because it's childish to be so self centered to assume it's all about you." Again - many of us are telling you that if we were in the position the relative is in AT THE VERY LEAST we would have felt hurt, even if we wouldn't have said anything, it would negatively affect the relationship going forward and negatively colour our view of YOU from that point.
Personally I'd have spoken to you, I'd have asked if YOU were offended/hurt by my inviting you to the event, I'd listen to your reasons why you declined the invite but I'd also tell you that posting that comment so soon after the invite was hurtful, and if you denied it was anything to do with that I wouldn't have believed you. Given your response on here I'd likely resolve not to invite you to events again as frankly I'd just assume you didn't want to be and I'd want to avoid causing further upset/offence. I'd let your other half know you were welcome at certain events IF they thought it as something you'd be interested in but I wouldn't be putting myself in the position of getting another rude response.
"because if she's done it once over something quite minor then it shows she's willing to engage and that she has the thought process of looking for offence, reading too much into things and thinking it's all a conspiracy"
Rubbish!
A - it WASN'T minor it was hurtful and rude
B 'if she's done it once' is a ridiculous argument! That IS into teen thinking territory. She was hurt & offended ON THIS OCCASION for A REASON that YOU are refusing to acknowledge!
How would you have felt if SHE has posted a meme about antisocial people?
"I shouldn't have to on my own profile." That's you effectively stamping your feet and saying "I can say what I like" but that's not true because you KNOW others are seeing it and MORE you KNOW who they are and what your recent interactions with them have been.
"People who like posting passive aggressive and inflamatory nonsense on Facebook are usually all too quick to play the victim if anyone challenges them." People who are passive aggressive GENERALLY Tend to be the types very happy to give it out in a cowardly way they think they can deny while being usually COMPLETELY incapable of taking it!
I too have worked with many teens over the years. They're dreadful liars usually so the PA Crap is easy to spot, unfortunately some of these teens grow into more skilled PA types when older and cause all sorts of trouble while feigning innocence!
"Considering that people can get fired over inappropriate Facebook memes or pictures" or even prosecuted.
"I don't have Facebook to be thoughtful or motivational. I'm not a life coach" wow! Were you never even taught "if you can't be kind be quiet"?? It is a PUBLIC FORUM in extremis yes you can post whatever you like BUT the people seeing your posts ALSO have the right then to react how THEY wish INCLUDING disliking you or challenging you on what you've posted.
Again - if you can't take it you DON'T give it out!
"sparkle sometimes. My main issue with it is I'm very plain speaking and don't see the issue in social niceties like beating around the bush or white lies. I'm very honest." You can be honest WITHOUT being rude or hurting people's feelings.
That response I've quoted is one often given by people who plain DON'T CARE about other people's feelings. The reason the social niceties exist aren't to just not cause offence it's to not cause arguments! It's for social cohesion.
I'm a very honest person (I actually literally cannot lie as I very very visibly blush and sweat if I even try!), I've had friends and work colleagues actually comment on it over the years, in positive ways, as in "I'm asking you because I know you'll give me an honest answer" BUT I consider my answers thoughtfully, and give them kindly - having been undone by being too honest as a child and teen.
I've even had someone (who is now a Facebook friend I have a very robust relationship with funnily enough) who fell out with me MASSIVELY at school, largely because I wouldn't back down on a truth (she'd cheated on a test, I was asked outright by the teacher if I'd seen it happen, I had and I told the truth) say that now I'm among very few people they trust.
"Blanche I think you’re confusing passive aggressive with openly hostile" 😂 yes I thought that too. The whole POINT of PASSIVE aggressive is it ISN'T overt.
Noparticularpattern - the ONE thing that you, the op and a couple of others are refusing to consider is AN APOLOGY regardless of the claimed lack of intent to offend. The fact is it DID - just as with people using phrases/words they genuinely didn't realise was racist/sexist etc (especially very old phrases) DECENT caring people once its pointed out to them WHY it's offensive DON'T defend it BUT they do say "I had no idea I'm sorry I won't use that phrase again"
A simple "I'm sorry I didn't consider it could be taken that way and it's not what I meant I assure you. I'll be more considerate in future" and NOT restricting the relative would likely have lead to all this blowing over very quickly.
Based on her tone here, I suspect that the op very rarely apologises.