To think this is low! And to feel hurt/confused

[Whatthe1]

So I have made a new (ish) friend (known for about 9months or so. We got on really well and it DC do too (met in school). Anyway we are currently planning on building a house and it’s all very exciting for us. We met up on Friday eve and she asked how plans were going. I told her and conversation led on. She got to the point of asking me which bank we were getting our mortgage from as lending here at the moment is difficult. I said we weren’t as we were hoping to self fund. She asked how?? I said that we had profit from our last house and some investments we were going to cash in. She then outwardly REFUSED to believe it!! Stating that at our age she couldn’t see how it was possible esp as we had two DC. I didn’t know how to respond so I just said, oh look it’s not important let’s talk about something else. The rest of the visit was ok but she was a little “off”

Anyway today I got the following message
Whatthe,
I have been In turmoil since Friday, I can’t understand why you would lie to my face about finances the way you did. I feel like either way I can’t continue being friends. If you are lying like I BELIEVE you are or whether you actually have THAT kind of money. I didn’t think you were one of those ‘money is no object people’ so unfortunately I can’t be around that. Sorry I really enjoy your company and you are a great new friend but this just doesn’t sit with me’

I haven’t responded as I am I shock I think! What the hell?? Do you think I should call or just leave her be? I AM DUMBFOUNDED 😮

She sounds both very sheltered (can’t imagine how people her age might have money, when she doesn’t) and also like she has a MASSIVE chip on her shoulder/inferiority complex.

I’d reply something like “I can assure you it is true. I’m shocked you’d accuse me of lying. In any case I agree I don’t think our friendship can recover from this episode, so I wish you well.”

Bizarre.

What a fucking weirdo. Be thankful you found out after a mere 9 months and not nine or nineteen years.

Can you borrow someone's lamborghini to drop the kids off at school at a time you know she's be there? vroom, vroom

"I'm sorry you feel that way." And then step away. Crazy, crazy, crazy...

Don't respond. You sound nice and normal. She does not.

Oh, and wouldn't it be fun to get a limo to drop DC off at school on Monday?

She’s clearly got some issues. Be thankful she’s choosing to put some distance between you two before the seriously weird stuff started.

I’d want to send a sarky message back to her but in the interests of attempting to preserve the children’s friendship I think I’d just go with ‘I can assure you I’m not a liar but I think you’re right, lets quit while we’re ahead for the sake of the dc. All the best’.

That’s a very over the top reaction to finding out a friend is financially better off than you. WTF? A bit envious is understandable but you’d still be happy for a friend wouldn’t you?

There just nowhere to go from what she said; either you’re a liar therefore the friendship is over or you’re telling the truth so you’re richer than she is therefore the friendship is over.

I’m in the don’t even bother replying camp, any attempt to clapback or defend yourself will just come across as you caring about what she thinks. You don’t care about what she thinks do you?

Do NOT respond with anything long and detailed, you owe her nothing and she clearly batshit and jealous. Her tormoil? Freak.

For the sake of the kids just a short “ok” or “noted, stay well”.

Then block and cold polite face if you have to see her in school/parties.

Like dating you have dodged a bullet don’t feel down!

She sounds really really weird. Don’t repsond at all ... unless you use cowfacemonkey’s response which was brilliant.

I have decided not to respond thank you ladies. I will update if necessary 😩

Don’t respond. It will drive her nuts not knowing.

Yes, yes, yes. Not responding is probably wise. But on a very selfish basis I need to see this play out.... Can you text back...
"I wouldn't lie about it. But I do prefer not to talk about finances so I shouldn't have got into it. But I am genuinely interested in why you couldn't be friends with someone who can self build without a mortgage? Could you tell nosey mumsnetters me more and help nosey mumsnetters me understand."

I would definitely reply. Otherwise it gives her an in to say to others “and she didn’t even deny it! She couldn’t say anything. I knew she was lying!”

If you are friends it would be seriously weird not to reply to such a message.

I’ve read some weird shit on here but this is just 😱

She’s a loon, better you know now. I wouldn’t bother to respond to her either.

Can I just ask? How old are you? At what age is it acceptable to be mortgage free or able to have money in the bank?

She just sounds bitter and twisted. Leave her be. I don't think she deserves a response tbh. No matter what you say it is not going to change her way of thinking about you.

Darn, cross posted. Good decision, OP.

Ok if you don't respond but because I am a nosy cow please pretend you did and then make up some crazy replies back? I'm very bored.

Honestly, I think she assumed you two were in similar financial positions so would be in the same place on a lot of life's stresses and tough decisions.

Now she's found out that what is the major cause of stress, concern and compromise for most people is not an issue for you. You are not the person she assumed you were so she feels (wrongly, but still she feels) that somehow you betrayed or misled her.

She's batshit for actually SAYING it and saying it in such a way, but I can understand why she might feel a bit off her stride. Even simple stuff like suggesting a venue for a lunchtime chat can be uncomfortable when you have very different financial concerns.

OP, I am not in any way suggesting you WOULD be sneery about a budget choice, in fact I am sure part of the reason you are in such a good financial position is because you are sensible in how you spend it. I am just thinking this might be behind her weird reaction.

Anyway, it is her issue not yours.

She's taken from Friday evening till Sunday morning to send the text, she must've been twisting herself up in knots all through Saturday.

Agree with Blocking.
Why waste your time with an intricate or lengthy explanation.

If you speak to her on Monday morning , harness your inner Pauline Fowler:

"Can I ask you something"?

Ex Friend : "Oh, yes of course" (she'll be thinking you aren't offended by the text) all relieved because she thinks she's forgiven

You:

@Soupdragon

Glad to read you are not replying, there was really nothing to gain because you couldn't win and I'm sure she'll be quite irked not to have poked the bear so to speak.

You are wise not to respond OP, don't feed the green eyed monster, she is candescent with rage and jealousy.
Least said, soonest mended. She is someone to avoid, for sure.

She’s jealous. If she can’t be happy for you then she’s no friend.

I would just reply. “Ok”

And not respond to any further messages. Don’t engage with her over this, she’s trouble.

I think this situation is what the 🤣 was invented for.

Very wise not to respond at all. Do save her message somewhere you can retrieve it if she subsequently denies sending it, or tries to downplay the craziness to others (sounds paranoid, but experience talking).