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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is low! And to feel hurt/confused

398 replies

Whatthe1 · 03/02/2019 12:10

So I have made a new (ish) friend (known for about 9months or so. We got on really well and it DC do too (met in school). Anyway we are currently planning on building a house and it’s all very exciting for us. We met up on Friday eve and she asked how plans were going. I told her and conversation led on. She got to the point of asking me which bank we were getting our mortgage from as lending here at the moment is difficult. I said we weren’t as we were hoping to self fund. She asked how?? I said that we had profit from our last house and some investments we were going to cash in. She then outwardly REFUSED to believe it!! Stating that at our age she couldn’t see how it was possible esp as we had two DC. I didn’t know how to respond so I just said, oh look it’s not important let’s talk about something else. The rest of the visit was ok but she was a little “off”

Anyway today I got the following message
Whatthe,
I have been In turmoil since Friday, I can’t understand why you would lie to my face about finances the way you did. I feel like either way I can’t continue being friends. If you are lying like I BELIEVE you are or whether you actually have THAT kind of money. I didn’t think you were one of those ‘money is no object people’ so unfortunately I can’t be around that. Sorry I really enjoy your company and you are a great new friend but this just doesn’t sit with me’

I haven’t responded as I am I shock I think! What the hell?? Do you think I should call or just leave her be? I AM DUMBFOUNDED 😮

OP posts:
Earthakitty · 05/02/2019 11:15

She actually sounds mentally unstable.
Do not respond.
And have nothing further to do with her.

ItsallGoinDown · 05/02/2019 11:27

Can we please stop with the, ‘she sounds MENTALLY UNSTABLE’, diatribe. Mental illness does not equal downright nasty, jealous and embittered which this person is. There are many people with mental illness who are the most loveliest people you could ever hope to meet and many without who are downright nasty.

Please let’s try and stop the stigma towards mental health, these negative associations are what makes sufferers to keep silent.

TimeForDinnerDinnerDinner · 05/02/2019 11:29

I think that is the oddest thing I've ever heard.... Confused

CountessWindyBottom · 05/02/2019 11:33

I think what with everything that has been said, she is not a real friend. She evidently is well balanced, having a chip on both shoulders, and her message was venomous, unwarranted and incredibly unfair. I’m not sure I’d bother responding to her text as she is going to think what she wants anyway, so I’d probably let it slide and see that she is not someone who has your back ultimately xx

ToftyAC · 05/02/2019 12:34

Your finances are none of her business. She is as jealous as fuck and no friend. I’m in a similar scenario where in recent years I’ve been skint as anything, but received a couple of hefty inheritances that not many folk know about and when they do find out I have money they turn really strange. Sack her off OP.

Washedallthepots · 05/02/2019 13:08

She just can't cope with the idea that you're better off than her, sad to have lost a friendship though op.

Zoejj77 · 05/02/2019 14:48

That is just too weird

Quirkyturkey · 05/02/2019 15:04

Initially I was going to suggest you just reply, “Fuck off you loon!”. Then I remembered you’d see her on the school run, so perhaps best not. Think I’d just ignore it, although I’d be slightly worried about what she might be saying to other people.

llizzie · 05/02/2019 15:33

itsallgoingdown: I do agree with you. It is so easy to slip into the habit of blaming mental illness for intolerance and nastiness in people we meet.

Menstruatrawr · 05/02/2019 16:28

Ignore her. I did with a batshit ‘friend’ about 4 yrs ago, it’s my little entertainment watching her watch me waiting for a response...

lcl · 05/02/2019 20:57

Wow! I have experienced very similar. Although not as overt. We are building , self funding the same as you. Jealously is an evil trait. You are best rid. Some of my ‘ friends ‘ have turned pig sick. One absolutely cannot cannot bring herself to follow my Instagram diary of the build , yet cheers along other mutual friends on their accounts. I have another has not asked me anything in 14 months on how it’s going. My genuine friends are happy and cheer me on saying I’m doing a great job. Always remember ‘ notice those who don’t clap when you are winning ‘. The green eyed monster is a vile thing.

Tiredand · 06/02/2019 00:23

Funny how people judge by appearances and possessions.

For all she knows (though if she asks, she probably does), all her friends have their mortgages paid off and are sitting with a few £K in their bank accounts.

On the other hand those who look rich, often aren't......

Ruru8thestars · 06/02/2019 00:39

Hope it all blows over soon

Bubba1234 · 06/02/2019 00:43

She did you a favor

Thequaffle · 06/02/2019 00:45

What a weird “friend”. I would be hurt and confused but someone who wouldn’t want to be friends with me because I have a certain amount of money is no better than someone who wants to be friends with me only because I have money. Bye bye “friend” have a medium life.

llizzie · 06/02/2019 03:09

The post got me thinking. When I look back I cannot think of a single friend or acquaintance who asked me for bank details or about mortgages etc. and I certainly never asked anyone about theirs. When you think of the number of people in the news who have been robbed of their life savings it makes you wonder why anyone would give access about their finances, yet it happens all the time.

StreetwiseHercules · 06/02/2019 10:56

I will never understand the mindset of jealous people. The bitterness they must carry in them, about people and things that are nothing to do with them, is just beyond my comprehension.

This woman sounds like a horrendous individual. If you have that kind of behaviour in you, then you are a bad person. No excuses.

Norfolkenchancemate · 06/02/2019 11:29

@Tiredand YES!!! I look one step up from homeless for the most part, our warehouse is cold so I'm in hoodies and jeans, boots and a big coat, all the mums who look a million dollars, look down on me as 'poor' and or 'lower class' and it makes me howl!!

Tiredand · 06/02/2019 11:36

A good read is "The Millionaire Next Door", never again would you judge people from appearances after that.

That said it can work for you. I always dress shabbily when buying expensive stuff, helps the negotiation process if it looks like you can't really afford it :)

PIFilm · 06/02/2019 13:02

Midnight’s Children.

cstaff · 06/02/2019 13:33

The OP was obviously caught off-guard with an unexpected question and rather than trying or even being able to lie told the truth. If this was one of my friends certainly my answer would have been "nice one - good for you" or some such. I might have been a bit jealous but not in such a way that I would never talk to that person again - that is crazy behaviour. Jealousy at its worst.

I would make a point of being particularly nice to her OP and let her know that you are not bothered by her carry on.

Yb23487643 · 06/04/2019 19:02

If you were my friend I’d be over the moon for you. Good luck with the move

FlyingTingTing · 06/04/2019 19:25

Did she ever respond OP?

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