To think this is low! And to feel hurt/confused

[Whatthe1]

So I have made a new (ish) friend (known for about 9months or so. We got on really well and it DC do too (met in school). Anyway we are currently planning on building a house and it’s all very exciting for us. We met up on Friday eve and she asked how plans were going. I told her and conversation led on. She got to the point of asking me which bank we were getting our mortgage from as lending here at the moment is difficult. I said we weren’t as we were hoping to self fund. She asked how?? I said that we had profit from our last house and some investments we were going to cash in. She then outwardly REFUSED to believe it!! Stating that at our age she couldn’t see how it was possible esp as we had two DC. I didn’t know how to respond so I just said, oh look it’s not important let’s talk about something else. The rest of the visit was ok but she was a little “off”

Anyway today I got the following message
Whatthe,
I have been In turmoil since Friday, I can’t understand why you would lie to my face about finances the way you did. I feel like either way I can’t continue being friends. If you are lying like I BELIEVE you are or whether you actually have THAT kind of money. I didn’t think you were one of those ‘money is no object people’ so unfortunately I can’t be around that. Sorry I really enjoy your company and you are a great new friend but this just doesn’t sit with me’

I haven’t responded as I am I shock I think! What the hell?? Do you think I should call or just leave her be? I AM DUMBFOUNDED 😮

Agree - you're well rid Op.

Leave it a fortnight. Then text back with “Sorry for the delay in responding; I was out in Mustique with Madonna and P-Diddy and Beyoncé. Yeah, I know - those paupers, but they’ve been friends for ages - what can you do?!!!”

If that's what she thinks, leave her alone.

You are better off without a 'friend' like that.

This is sad as you enjoy each other’s company. You having enough money to self fund has obviously made her hugely insecure. I can only think she doesn’t have any other friends in this position which is why she finds it so hard to believe.
It’s a pity as good friends are hard to come by but it’s her loss, she’s being a jealous twat.

Jealous as @“&; she is.
Building is stressful as it is so you don’t need this kind of negativity around you in general or at a time when dealing with builders/tradesmen, possible delays other important decisions that goes with self-builds.
If she is around she would just constantly be stopping by to see what’s happening next, etc etc. Probably secretly hoping things don’t go to plan so best you keep that crap away now. It’s not that difficult to ignore people even if your children go to the same school. You owe her nothing especially this was her crazy decision/accusation

@Piglet89 😂😂😂 love it!!

@Whatthe1
Disclaimer, this is not a stealth brag.
20 years ago I was lucky enough to get a council house in an up and coming area, we're talking minimum house price of 250k for a two bed terrace, now, anyways I paid a minimal amount for the house and extended it to 6 bedrooms, two and a half baths, nice kitchen diner, underfloor heating everything I wanted, I DO have a mortgage, but it's small, so my 'friend' asks about my house and I said you know I was lucky, I've lived here a long time, I was lucky that I only needed a very small mortgage, she asks how much, I won't say, she asks how much I pay a month, I won't say because talking figures is for sales reps and vulgar people, fast forward three months, she's told quite a few people, school mums, that I'm mortgaged to the hilt, that my car is financed, it's not, and that I don't have any money because I'm keeping up with the Joneses with the house and car.
In a school yard full of mums that don't work and can spend two hours on their hair and makeup a day I turn up in whatever I've been to work in, including some days wellies, chainsaw overalls and saw dust, so clearly I don't fit the part of 'well to do woman of xxx'

If they filmed our school yard like they do the RHOC it'd do brilliantly with all the Chelsea tractor driving, botoxed, fillered and lipo'd Barbies.

I've lived in this area all my life, before the locals were priced out of the area and before the Barbour and tweed wearing, oh my god do you actually shoot, families moved in!

Op what I'm saying is, she's a weirdo, same as my 'friend' who I know keep at arms length. Don't worry about it, just smile and enjoy your mortgage-free-ness

The minute someone makes you feel you have to defend yourself is the minute you absolutely should walk away! you don't owe her or anyone an explanation. After i divorced and started dating again i was ALWAYS grateful to the ones who showed their true colours early so i could expunge them from my life and move on! This is what you should do. Wish her well and move on. You will look back and realise you dodged a bullet!

She sounds barking and definitely not the person you thought she was.

Move on OP and find some less batshit people to be friends with.

Fuck in

That's what I say.

You don't need or want that sort of person in your life... No one does.

DO NOT CHASE HER, she is the idiot, not you, and you don't need to explain yourself to anyone.... Ever.

Either people accept what you say, or they don't. If they don't... Tough shit. I haven't got to justify myself to you.

Sounds like you've well and truly dodged a bullet there OP. I was mortgage free by 34 too and because I'm basically a scabby cow with a past, I've had a couple of "liar" comments myself. I told them the truth, my Dad died (divorced from Mam and I was his only DC) and left me a few quid. I'd live in a rented bedsit if it meant I could have him back.

Hmm. If she's hiding in her car and you wonder if she'd been drinking when she sent the message AND she is an otherwise nice woman, is there any chance there's just a lot going on for her and she's snapped and given into her jealousy?

I know, what she said was awful. But I'm just imagining the friends I have and getting a message like that - my first assumption would be to worry if they were OK because that's so out of character. Obviously she may just be awful, some people are.

But if there any chance she's in crisis and just lashing out (and only you can judge that), maybe a message such as "Wow, that was really unkind and not like you at all. Is everything OK?" might not be a bad thing...

And if she replies again in a bitchy way then you gave your answer and write her off.

Good to hear some kindness SleepWarrior. It’s not surprising that people snap when there’s such a disparity between the haves and have nots. If she’s a friend then she’s surely worth making time to find out why she’s reacted so badly.

Yes, SleepWarrior, it is good to see some kindness.

@SleepWarrior I did wonder if maybe she just cracked and i became the target of it. I am still mulling over what to “do” I don’t like leaving things as they are but I equally (given her “history”) don’t wanna add fuel to the fire! 😩

Sorry but your op does read of boasting, even the text and posting on here. Can’t help think it’s a boast, good for you an’ all but boasting about money is vulgar, when many people struggle.

@Alpacanorange believe me I’m not the boastful type at all, it was uncomfortable I couldn’t avoid the questions and felt put on the spot. Didn’t intend on coming across that way at all on the post, I was genuinely flummoxed 😩

It’s pretty obvious you weren’t boasting and were cornered into a really uncomfortable conversation.

Envy is a powerful emotion. It’s up to the envious to contain the toxicity of it (and we’ve all felt envy at times).

Avoid avoid avoid!

Do you think from her actions that she was after your bank account details? I sounds just another way of accessing people's finances as it is more difficult to commit fraud on the telephone. A friendship of 9 months is nothing to these people. You are best not to respond to her. It may just be another way of worming her way to your bank details.

I wouldn't even grill my sister to that extent re a mortgage etc, it's very personal imo. And if someone told me I'd be careful and positive in my response. Not a minefield anyone normal enters on purpose surely?

I wouldn't bother to reply. You know its none of her business and you know she has no reason to be in turmoil over how you plan on financing your home. If you reply, its like putting bait on a hook and getting her to have another go (upset) at you, then you will feel you have to respond and whatever happens, it isn't going to bring back the friendship you thought you had.

Sad for you I know and sad that someone cannot be happy for what you have made for yourself.

I would have to answer her but something offensively indifferent - 'sorry just saw your text, that's fine'
And then never ever text her back and smile graciously when you meet. It will infuriate her

I don’t think I would have answered her questions initially to be honest. Your finances are your business. Don’t respond. She’s suffering from envy.

The op is clearly not boasting, and clearly wasn't to her friend.

It's very sad that even people on here are reacting with envy and accusing her of it.

Only a person with a massive chip on their shoulder would think that the OP is boasting. People who ask intrusive questions then get their knickers in a twist when given a truthful answer have issues!