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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is low! And to feel hurt/confused

398 replies

Whatthe1 · 03/02/2019 12:10

So I have made a new (ish) friend (known for about 9months or so. We got on really well and it DC do too (met in school). Anyway we are currently planning on building a house and it’s all very exciting for us. We met up on Friday eve and she asked how plans were going. I told her and conversation led on. She got to the point of asking me which bank we were getting our mortgage from as lending here at the moment is difficult. I said we weren’t as we were hoping to self fund. She asked how?? I said that we had profit from our last house and some investments we were going to cash in. She then outwardly REFUSED to believe it!! Stating that at our age she couldn’t see how it was possible esp as we had two DC. I didn’t know how to respond so I just said, oh look it’s not important let’s talk about something else. The rest of the visit was ok but she was a little “off”

Anyway today I got the following message
Whatthe,
I have been In turmoil since Friday, I can’t understand why you would lie to my face about finances the way you did. I feel like either way I can’t continue being friends. If you are lying like I BELIEVE you are or whether you actually have THAT kind of money. I didn’t think you were one of those ‘money is no object people’ so unfortunately I can’t be around that. Sorry I really enjoy your company and you are a great new friend but this just doesn’t sit with me’

I haven’t responded as I am I shock I think! What the hell?? Do you think I should call or just leave her be? I AM DUMBFOUNDED 😮

OP posts:
OrangeJuiceandLemon · 04/02/2019 18:19

Blimey what a tit she is. Don't ask a question if you don't want the answer!

Tistheseason17 · 04/02/2019 18:20

Nicely played, OP :)

TardyTardis · 04/02/2019 18:23

Sounds like she is in mountains of debt, and looking to take it out on someone who is in a better financial position (through your own hard work and saving efforts no doubt). I am mortgage-free and run a family business which is doing well. I buy and sell properties as well. When the locals found out at my previous home address, they were evil about it. The verbal abuse and name-calling was absurd, and they didn't even know me personally. My life lesson from this was to never discuss financial matters with anyone outside the family. It attracts gold diggers, jealous people and others who have an interest in what you got, not who you are.

Don't take this woman too much to heart as there are some bitter people in the world who hate others for what they have. It is sad really, as they should focus on improving their own lives rather than attacking others. Enjoy your new home and be thankful you found out how awful this woman is early-on in the friendship.

AgathaF · 04/02/2019 18:30

What an idiot she is. How embarrassed she must (should) be feeling now. I wonder if she'll ever get out of her car on the school run again Grin.

Gilld69 · 04/02/2019 18:30

leave her too it

userinterface34 · 04/02/2019 18:39

She’s unhinged!

foreverderbyshire · 04/02/2019 18:44

She's batshit, op. We've been mortgage free for years due to working very hard and lucking out in property prices in the 90's. Only my best friend knows, and over the years I've had many convo's about mortgage payments etc where I've just mumbled a bit. I really do worry about what people will think about is. We're now in fairly average jobs and average salaries and no way could we do it if we starting in 2019. But I do think people would view us differently and I don't like the idea of that. Your post has kind of vindicated my paranoia!

WaxOnFeckOff · 04/02/2019 18:47

People are strange.

I have a group of 3 of us that have all had our ups and downs over the years but we have all cared for each other and listened and supported one another. One friend is a single parent and lives in social housing with very little income, the other has a large house in an affluent area with a 3 figure salary, I fit in between. Beyond just being considerate about where we meet and what we do (lots of walks and cheaper activities, groupon deals and the like), we don't think about who has what, it's not really what friendship is about.

Your "friend" sounds jealous and unhinged.

lalalalyra · 04/02/2019 18:50

People can be really twatty when it comes to money things. My DH lost someone he thought was a good friend after they made repeated comments about his "luck" at being mortgage free - he was mortgage free because his 26 year old first wife had died when DS1 was a toddler and her insurance paid it off.

Yabbers · 04/02/2019 18:50

What is OP supposed to do with that???
Shrug it off?

Are you sure your not the friend???
Was I not clear when I said talking about money with a mum in the playground was the wrong thing to do. If I were the friend, clearly I wouldn’t have a problem with that.

fibonaccisequins · 04/02/2019 18:56

I'm still on P4 where someone suggested inviting her to the housewarming. No no! Invite her to cater the housewarming - for a nice wage of course! Grin
Off the catch up Grin

Nats1606 · 04/02/2019 19:01

What a weirdo. Drop her like a hot stone.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 04/02/2019 19:05

Jealous.

Catsinthecupboard · 04/02/2019 19:09

It was none of her business.

Next time someone asks personal questions, lie or change subject or tell them it's still in progress so can't discuss.

It is become a "moral justice" world where those who have less are morally superior. Or those with much must be socially conscious of their circumstances and somehow make themselves "deserve" it when in reality, death, sorrow, insurance or hardwork and sacrifice are often how most people can buy their homes.

Oddly. I've never been superior in any financial circumstance.

I had a bf for several years. Our ds were friends. Her dh was much older and more settled financially. When we reached their level, bought a new home equal to her, she visited once, looked stunned and dumped me.

People are strange.

MyKingdomForBrie · 04/02/2019 19:10

Thank your lucky stars you found out before too long! What a nasty and negative person.

Yorkshiretolondon · 04/02/2019 19:12

I strongly believe she’s been at the mad hatters tea party.....😂

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/02/2019 19:13

I agree with a PP that she had a few drinks, got pissed off at the thought that you can do this without a mortgage when she cant and decided you must be lying. Sending the message was perfectly reasonable, based on the logic that only comes from the bottom of a bottle of gin........

If she'd been soberwhen she sent it there is no way she would have been avoiding you this morning.

2cats2many · 04/02/2019 19:14

Wow. What a weirdo Confused

DrSeuss · 04/02/2019 19:21

We own our house outright, the flip side that we did it with the money from my parents after they both died young. I don't normally tell people that as most I know are struggling with sizeable mortgages. However, if they asked me outright I would tell them. If they got sniffy, I would simply point out that they still have their parents.

SemiAquaticEggLayingMammal · 04/02/2019 19:26

Nats1606 I read that as "drop her like a hot scone"

I wouldn't be dropping a scone unless it was down my throat, I was really confused Grin

GabsAlot · 04/02/2019 19:39

well that went weird didnt it

even if she was drunk op its clearly her true feelings on the matter-an old apprent friend of my mum drunk one night made a rcist comment towards her seemed to come out of nowhere

this woman is a loon so neither way can she accept you-btter off without maybe u shold read the book The Friend and be lucky it didnt get worse!

MummaofH · 04/02/2019 19:42

Don’t give this a second thought. Cut ties and move on. She’s a nutter and I’m sure you’ve got loads of other friends to invest your time in. One more second wasted on this loony toon is too much... 💐

angelfacecuti75 · 04/02/2019 19:45

"I'm not lying. I'm hurt that you think i wpuld lie. What reason would i have to lie? And why do you think it's so impossible that i have saved some money?! Why does it bother you so much? I'm not a drugs barron you know ...."

LondonJax · 04/02/2019 19:52

I think you were on a hiding to nothing with her to be honest.

If you said you don't discuss finances my bet is that she'd be in a huff because you 'don't trust her' and, obviously, when you tell her the truth she gets in a huff because she doesn't trust you.

Friends are usually pleased for each other. She just comes across as jealous and if she thinks so little of you that she could imagine you'd lie to her then she's not worth wasting time over. Bet she's feeling a bit of an idiot now.

Good luck with the house build.

dragonsfire · 04/02/2019 20:00

@yabbers where have you got she is a person in a playground she is a friend she has known for months who met at the playground!!!

They were more than just playground mums.

If your happy with your friends not believing you about things that’s down to you but you must have a very strange friend circle!