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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is low! And to feel hurt/confused

398 replies

Whatthe1 · 03/02/2019 12:10

So I have made a new (ish) friend (known for about 9months or so. We got on really well and it DC do too (met in school). Anyway we are currently planning on building a house and it’s all very exciting for us. We met up on Friday eve and she asked how plans were going. I told her and conversation led on. She got to the point of asking me which bank we were getting our mortgage from as lending here at the moment is difficult. I said we weren’t as we were hoping to self fund. She asked how?? I said that we had profit from our last house and some investments we were going to cash in. She then outwardly REFUSED to believe it!! Stating that at our age she couldn’t see how it was possible esp as we had two DC. I didn’t know how to respond so I just said, oh look it’s not important let’s talk about something else. The rest of the visit was ok but she was a little “off”

Anyway today I got the following message
Whatthe,
I have been In turmoil since Friday, I can’t understand why you would lie to my face about finances the way you did. I feel like either way I can’t continue being friends. If you are lying like I BELIEVE you are or whether you actually have THAT kind of money. I didn’t think you were one of those ‘money is no object people’ so unfortunately I can’t be around that. Sorry I really enjoy your company and you are a great new friend but this just doesn’t sit with me’

I haven’t responded as I am I shock I think! What the hell?? Do you think I should call or just leave her be? I AM DUMBFOUNDED 😮

OP posts:
Linguaphile · 04/02/2019 20:04

My question is why on earth would someone's first response to hearing that a friend is well off be "you're lying"?? Good heavens, I'm also 34 and know lots of people who got into good careers straight out of uni and could happily live mortgage free if they put their combined savings and investments into a house. If you graduate at 22 and live sensibly, that's a solid 12 years of earning, saving, and working up the property ladder. It would never cross my mind that someone would lie about something like that!

So weird.

Loreleigh · 04/02/2019 20:12

I'd ignore the friend-turned-nasty-jealous-bitch, build your new home and live a happy life in it. I feel a bit angry on your behalf, that a so-called-friend has the brass neck to call you a liar, treats you badly, sends venomous messages, and is probably bad-mouthing you to any fool that will listen to her tripe Enjoy the challenges of self-building and be proud that you have managed to self-finance this project (your finances are your business and nobody else's). Leave the cow to stew in her own drama queen episodes and crack on with your own life. Don't allow her to sour this exciting time for you and your family - you are better than that and don't need 'friends' like that. I wish you well and good luck with the build, the moving in, and the new life you will have there. Oh, and if you throw any sort of 'new home' party, leave her off the invite list ;) Flowers

Aquilla · 04/02/2019 20:13

Any and all updates, please!

Katherine2626 · 04/02/2019 20:15

Jealousy is the deadliest sin - she has demonstrated this. She had no right to ask about your finances - and does she think that everyone she knows is on a financial par with her? And if they aren't, will she cut them off and refuse to be friends? This person is no friend to cultivate, her attitude is poisonous - and ridiculous.

Linguaphile · 04/02/2019 20:18

As an aside, OP, you should come join us on the MN Property board. Lots of support for self-builders. We just finished our own build in October and it's a great feeling to live in a house that you got to put your stamp on right from the beginning. Even better that you won't have to be stressed about the financial aspect of all the decisions you'll be making; it will make everything more fun! Good luck!

Original poster
Whatthe1 · 04/02/2019 20:22

@Nik122 apparently her mother was also batshit crazy (I have since learned from DH 😤) WHY DIDNT HE TELL ME THAT 9months ago!!😭😭😂😂

School run was fairly uneventful as she stayed her car but that’s not something she ever does so I’m thinking she is avoiding me. I have other Mum friends at school too but I’m not a gossip so I can’t tell them what happened, I’ll have to see if it gets to them any other way (through her 🙄)

Glad to hear I’m not the only one who thinks she needs to be admitted to the psych hospital 😆

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatthe1 · 04/02/2019 20:23

Oooh @Linguaphile I will do thanks!!

OP posts:
Ibiza7 · 04/02/2019 20:25

Had a similar thing happen to me about 10 years ago. We bought 10 acres of land and a few years later designed and built a house with equestrian facilities on it. I've always had horses so the savings from livery plus the sale of our flat and 2 incomes and we now have our dream house. About the time it was finished I became quite friendly with another woman who I met through horses. We rode daily and she was always popping in to see us and all was good. During my pregnancy she was great and after son was born she was no.1 Auntie and then I began to notice my husband was beginning to look uncomfortable around her. Gradually there was a lot of little criticisms about everything I did. I asked her outright what was going on and she replied "I should hate you, you spoilt bitch you've got evetything I've ever wanted and you don't deserve it". I asked her to leave and later on spoke to my husband and he told me that she'd been coming onto him and saying that I was a bad parent. He aid he didn't know how to tell me so used to go out when she came round. I didn't see her for a few months and was contacted by my bank regarding unusual activity on my account before and aftr I'd reported it lost. She'd been using my card 'contactless' regularly and my bank is currently prosecuting her for fraud.

luckylorca · 04/02/2019 20:26

People - even (or should that be ESPECIALLY?!) family - are just bloody WEIRD! My life has been horrifically hard for the last 15 years: in and out of hospital, no money as I had to retire very young, before that I was badly bullied at work for being suddenly disabled, several failed IVF attempts etc. But 20 years ago I was having a great time - lived overseas, lots of money, very fit, lavish typical expat lifestyle with non-stop parties, weekly massages, and several domestic staff etc... Anyway, I used to write long, newsy and detailed letters to my sister, to stay in touch, tell her everything I was up to and see how she was. One day, I got a one paragraph reply basically saying “I’m sick of hearing about your amazing life! Stop rubbing my nose in it!” ???!!! 😳. By the way, very soon after, she came - with her UNINVITED friend - for a whole month and was perfectly happy to sponge off me and take advantage of all the fun things I was enjoying and supposedly rubbing her nose in about....

WHAT the absolute fuck?!! She was FAMILY! Yes, I was finally living the dream (that I’d worked really hard for), but dreams never last forever. She should have known that and been really happy for me that things were going well (in that period) and that I was having fun... but, instead, she was also weirdly jealous and hideous in her response, just like the school mum that’s the subject of this thread.

OP should be glad that (unlike me!) she’s not related to that woman and she can just walk away and avoid! Good luck, OP! Surround yourself with people who genuinely love you and wish you well. (Sod the rest!). Enjoy your run of good fortune and long may it last! 😁. Xx

Nik122 · 04/02/2019 20:26

@Whatthe1 he maybe wanted a good story to tell 🙈😂😂😂😂 People never cease to amaze me.

marymarkle · 04/02/2019 20:29

OP she has issues UNLESS you have at times been pleading poverty. That is the only scenario in which I can see she would rightly think you have been lying to her.

Kombuchaa · 04/02/2019 20:31

There are times when no reply is the best reply failing that what hiding said.

Original poster
Whatthe1 · 04/02/2019 20:33

@marymarkle never pleading poverty I’m good with my money but will still go for coffees etc. like I said I actually don’t normally talk money at all...I really got caught in a conversation I didn’t want 😩

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 04/02/2019 20:37

just keep that text incase word gets round and she gives everyone a bullshit version of what happened

ItsallGoinDown · 04/02/2019 20:47

Ibiza - That sounds very scary like a plot out of a psychological drama.
Hope you are okay? Flowers

Hexaqua · 04/02/2019 20:47

Wow - she's really embarrassed herself! Lucky escape to have seen her true colours early on in your friendship OP.

This reminds me of when (ex) boyfriend and I were renting a 2 bed maisonette in our early-mid twenties...a woman (parent's generation) was always friendly and came over for a chat if she saw me gardening (our maisonette had the front garden). One day she asked me what boyfriend did for a living...as soon as I told her she was a doctor her tone completely changed (from friendly to nasty) and she exclaimed 'no he's not!' - he then drove into the road after his shift with his stethoscope round his neck and she stormed into her house and never spoke to us again Grin. I still find it baffling and hilarious 20+ years later!

Hexaqua · 04/02/2019 20:48

I forgot to add she was in an owned 3 bed semi - which is why I think she felt superior to us in some way?!

Pinkbells · 04/02/2019 20:53

Just leave it hanging and ignore her. Honestly what a cow!

emzw12 · 04/02/2019 20:58

Weird and jealous! We've had some people question our finances but we just made some sensible and some lucky choices with investments. Tell her to fuck right off!

todayiwin · 04/02/2019 20:59

@Hexaqua that's made me laugh Grin

BaeBae · 04/02/2019 21:08

You’ve dodged a bullet OP, ignore and move on. Be polite and pleasant to her but under no circumstances get involved with this woman.

ASundayWellSpent · 04/02/2019 21:18

I'll admit I always had that curiosity about friends of ours... Under 30s couple, two children, him a part time waiter, her a stay at home mum and before that did odd hours at a pub, bought a house out right within a year of deciding on the project (according to them). No family deaths as far as they shared with us, and we are pretty close. I am dying to know how/ what they did because it makes no sense that a family of four could live on less than a thousand pound a month and still have enough to buy a 200.000 house out right! But I will never ask, too polite, will just have to hope they spill the beans voluntarily one day!!

Original poster
Whatthe1 · 04/02/2019 21:21

@Ibiza7 Jesus Christ she sounds loony!! They must be related!! 😂😂

OP posts:
whyamievenamazeddotcom · 04/02/2019 21:25

Appalling behaviour I’d take note of the theme here thank your stars you found out early enough to have not invested too much in the so called friendship - move on and find friendship with someone who is true x good luck with the house build how exciting !

Hector2000 · 04/02/2019 21:27

My advice would be DON’T respond. Just entirely ignore her message. When you bump into her at the school gate etc make sure you smile warmly and say hello but in passing - walk on and speak to someone else. Very hurtful of her, and obviously not friend material, but you are going to be stuck with seeing her in passing so just like tha penguins in “Madagascar” - smile and wave. Even if she cold shoulders you. Smile and wave. But don’t stop. And cultivate other mums.