There have been some really good and reasoned explanations on this thread. As an introvert, myself, I was struck by the notion that an extroverted person would only seek to turn down an invitation or go off and read a book quietly if they don’t like or are specifically trying to avoid someone so they can’t get their heads around the fact that others doing this, does not automatically equal dislike and should not cause offence.
Personally, I don’t find labels helpful and have very rarely described myself as an introvert in real life – this is more online forum-speak IMO. I do see the perceived superiority complex that can be associated with introverts and kind of want to distance myself from this. A couple of cases in point: A few years ago I hired an assistant at work who, from day one, stated that she was an introvert and as such, I’d have to adapt the way we work to suit her personality needs (not answering phones, not being pressured to work to deadlines, not attending meetings etc). I put to her that as an introvert myself, I sympathised but the job was clearly set out in the role descriptor and advert and I could offer a quiet office space, happy for her to tune out, use headphones etc and plan her time to include a degree of downtime after any full-on activities but at the end of the day, all personalities have to accept some degree of compromise deal with business needs in the real world. She argued with me every day that I was failing to meet her needs as an introvert and wanted a referral to disability services to formalise adjustments. Personally, I found the idea that being an introvert = disability to be quite offensive. She insisted that I should take a Myers-Briggs test and when it came out as INTJ, flew into a rage, saying that I was lying as I couldn’t possibly be introverted as I didn’t understand her needs. She left the job after 3 months. The partner of one of my close friends also identifies outwardly as an introvert – she’s the type of person who posts on facebook constantly about the superiority of introverts and how she hates extroverts who don’t think deeply and don’t understand people like her. She also equates introversion with disability, talking about how she got her diagnosis at age 12 and it has been a struggle all her life to accept her limitations and deal with prejudice . Based on these people, I can absolutely understand why some extroverts hackles raise as soon as they hear someone make a point of identifying as an introvert. As many PPS have said, some people are just dicks, regardless of extroversion/introversion and hiding behind labels is a particular dickish move.
As an introvert, I don’t think I am superior to others but I do struggle at work and with my family of extreme extroverts. I work in an organisation filled with extroverts with a culture of getting together for meetings, brainstorming, board discussions etc for every single thing. I am sure that 70% of the meetings I attend could easily have been emails. These meetings are like cattle markets with little structure and everyone competing to have their voice heard and I find it really difficult to be productive in this environment. I am tried faking it, but the problem, when this type of interaction doesn’t come naturally to you is that I come across as even more awkward. So, we’ll have 20 people around a table, all talking over each other and throwing new ideas into the mix; I’ll psych myself up and blurt out an idea – doing exactly what I see other people doing – but everyone will stare at me and later I’ll be told that I came across rudely. But I do try to compromise and improve. The other problem is that when everyone dashes from meeting to meeting, with all these things happening back-to-back and no downtime in-between, I can see that they are all visibly energised by this, coming up with more and more ideas at every subsequent meeting and when they do get an elusive 20 minutes back at their desks, they are so revved up that they rattle through 100s of emails with sharp, focused responses before running to the next meeting. Me; I become more and more drained, each meeting sapping my productivity and when I get to my desk and see 200 emails that have come in while I’ve been in meetings, I just want to cry and have no energy to tackle them, and so the work piles up and I fall behind. I have tried talking to my boss about this – but also trying not to come across like my own former employee – but she just doesn’t get it and this is where I understand and agree with the OP. I absolutely understand that my colleagues are energised in this environment but they don’t see the opposite effect on me. I have found ways to cope in this environment and am constantly compromising but it feels like a one-way street. On the other hand, however, I am frequently praised for my skills in facilitating focus groups where I make a point of allowing everyone time to speak and listen without imposing my own views so that I can write up accurate reports on what has been expressed – so my introversion is not always a disadvantage in my work.
One of the most useful things that a manager ever said to me, very early in my career and which I have tried to replicate when I am chairing meetings, was – after the meeting and having taken me aside; “you didn’t say much in the discussion but I could see your thought process with all the cogs turning as you processed what everyone else was saying. I’d love to hear your conclusions once you’ve had time to fully reflect so please email me as soon as you are able”. This made me feel valued as part of the team, and not criticised for not being like everyone else.