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Original poster

DH wants to take newborn out without me - response to reverse

483 replies

StarFleece · 02/02/2019 20:40

I have been having some issues with my DH since our daughter was born two weeks ago. He doesn't believe me that this is a "thing" so I attempted to post a reverse to show him people's responses but it has been deleted. I would appreciate people's take on this situation so I can show my DH in an attempt to make him understand what I'm going through.

Basically - he thinks he should be able to take our 2 week old daughter out alone without me and is annoyed with me that I won't allow this. He says it shows I don't trust him. I have explained this isn't the case and being away from her causes me extreme anxiety for now. He wants to take her to visit his relatives without me. I've told him this is cruel and he needs to give me a few weeks. He says he will but he doesn't think it's right and he's doing it because I've said so but he doesn't agree with it.

I'm going to show him responses to this thread, I don't know how to help him understand. If anyone has any helpful links I would appreciate it.

OP posts:
StreetwiseHercules · 03/02/2019 10:46

“He’s bullying her and manipulating her with all this ‘you don’t trust me’ nonsense.”

Absolute garbage. If he feels she doesn’t trust him he should be allowed to say so. Shouldn’t he?

Batteriesallgone · 03/02/2019 10:53

Also bathing. Who baths a 2 week old.

I feel like some people are thinking of a much older baby.

Mummyshark2019 · 03/02/2019 10:57

But it is not alone time to bond with newborn he wants. He wants to take baby to visit relatives WITHOUT her. She wants to go. WHY does he not want to take her? There is more than meets the eye with this.

Tinkerbell89 · 03/02/2019 11:01

2 week old should be with their mum. It's bonding time. I'd be anxious if I was away from my newborn for a long period of time especially being taken to see people without me. You're not always ready to just pass them around or be a part and each day us different emotionally. It's strange he wants to take baby out without you, very odd. Usually it's a celebration and they want to be with you as a family and he should be supportive. I'm not saying he shouldn't watch them whilst you sleep or take then out for a quick trip to the shop but to push to take them away from mum for a few hours and to relatives isn't normal behaviour as a new dad in my opion. Is someone in the family pushing him for this? Baby needs to be with you and what you say should go

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 03/02/2019 11:05

Mothers are primary carers.
You baby is absolutely tiny and needs you.

It is unreasonable to be seeking to leave you at home alone for no reason while he visits his relatives alone so “they can bond”. The only person a baby bonds with at this age is the mother and to a lesser extent father. He is putting his mothers needs/wants before the baby.

I don’t get why he would even do this?

If he is suggesting you, he and baby visit relatives it’s reasonable.

Also If the baby was older 5-6 months say - then fine to take it to nanas solo but at 3-4 weeks it’s madness...

HoppingPavlova · 03/02/2019 11:08

Also bathing. Who baths a 2 week old.

????? Everyone. They teach you to bath them in hospital the day after they are born. Then they get you to do it daily while you are there and the expectation is you continue when you go home. Medically, they don’t have to be bathed that frequently, topped and tailed daily is fine but it’s certainly not unusual.

One of mine was in a children’s hospital for several months after birth. They didn’t have their first bath for about 3 weeks due to operations but once they were able the hospital bathed them daily as a routine thing.

NotANotMan · 03/02/2019 11:12

????? Everyone. They teach you to bath them in hospital the day after they are born. Then they get you to do it daily while you are there and the expectation is you continue when you go home

No they don't! They did this with me when I was born in 1980 but nowadays they advise top and tailing at least until the cord has dropped off

Raspberry88 · 03/02/2019 11:12

????? Everyone. They teach you to bath them in hospital the day after they are born. Then they get you to do it daily while you are there and the expectation is you continue when you go home

Well not everyone. I didn't. Also wasn't taught how to in hospital and he wasn't bathed until he was a few weeks old. No one mentioned it or even cared!!??

SpaceDinosaur · 03/02/2019 11:15

Bathing a day or two day old baby goes against best practice. Babies should be left unbathed for as long as possible

HoppingPavlova · 03/02/2019 11:16

Okay then. Some places must still teach it as standard as my cousin had a baby a few months ago and they still did this with her as I had to wait for them to return from bathing when I visited.

HoppingPavlova · 03/02/2019 11:19

Sorry, should have added. I don’t necessarily agree with washing babies constantly. At that stage, anything you can get away with NOT doing to save time I’m all for with bells on Grin. Just that it appears some hospitals at least are still doing it.

Gravelface · 03/02/2019 11:20

I am totally baffled by this post and some responses. He's the father, why on earth shouldn't he be 'allowed' to take his baby out alone? Jesus. This place is nuts.

SmileEachDay · 03/02/2019 11:25

Gravel what is baffling you?

Several posters have explained how they feel - it might not be how you feel, but how is it confusing?

Noname99 · 03/02/2019 11:26

Ffs! This site is nuts.
Thousands of post whining that men don’t do their fair share of child care but here the absolute belief that mothers are more important than fathers and fathers have to obtain permission to look after their own child. Maybe he wants to look after his PFB and show her off to his family alone. What’s wrong with that? Maybe he wants some 121 time with his daughter and he shouldn’t have to get permission from anyone for that.

Noname99 · 03/02/2019 11:27

Xpost with gravel !!

MrsJBaptiste · 03/02/2019 11:30

Am I reading a different thread to most people on here???

Did most of you honestly not let your baby's father take the baby out when they were tiny? Did you really stay within touching distance of your child for the first few weeks/months of their lives? I am truly gobsmacked.

Nobody I know in RL was like this! God, I love my children like anyone else but my babies were taken out by their dad, grandparents, my siblings when they were tiny. I did not realise this was such an awful thing for me to have done.

PhilomenaButterfly · 03/02/2019 11:30

Chingling I didn't. DH doesn't have tits and I can't express.

NannyRed · 03/02/2019 11:30

I hated spending time away from my baby when she was tiny. My parents would visit us and say “go shopping, it’s so much easier to do it alone” and I would practically sprint around Morrison’s because I was missing my baby. But I did appreciate their offer of ‘help’ and knew I’d need them to do babysitting in the future (when I was in hospital giving birth to my next baby for a start)

Your dh sounds to be a prick. 1 for wanting time away from home without you. 2 for not understanding you feel anxious when apart from your baby.

MiniMum97 · 03/02/2019 11:32

Why doesn't he want you to go too? That's very weird. Have you asked him?

Oysterbabe · 03/02/2019 11:33

What I don't get is the seemingly unending stream of people that are unable to grasp that some women feel differently than they did.

changers5 · 03/02/2019 11:35

@MrsJBaptiste it wasn't awful as long as you were happy with it. My son is nearly 3 months and DP has never taken him out by himself. I've never been apart from him for more than 30 minutes. It's just the way it's worked out for us. It's a bit different as our son has a blood sugar problem and is ebf so if he's hungry I need to feed him right away, but had this not been the case I don't know that we'd have acted any differently! There's no right or wrong...

Mixedupmummy · 03/02/2019 11:47

I am totally baffled by this post and some responses. He's the father, why on earth shouldn't he be 'allowed' to take his baby out alone? Jesus. This place is nuts.

because it making the mother upset and anxious to be away from her 2 week old. it's a baby she grew for 9 months and birthed very recently. not an pizza she popped out the oven and has to share ffs
I agree this place is nuts and I as posted above I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THE FATHERS WANTS SHOULD TRUMPS THE OPS HERE!

NanooCov · 03/02/2019 11:49

How long for? An hour or two tops locally then I wouldn't have an issue. Any longer and I would think he's being daft as who knows when a newborn will want fed.

daisypond · 03/02/2019 11:51

I was never taught how to bathe a baby in hospital - and I've had three DC. My DC were all taken out without me by their dad and both sets of grandparents at two weeks old and younger. And I was fine with it, and welcomed it, actually. They did walks around the block, up to the park, down the high street, to the shops, just basic things - probably no more than an hour or so at that age. But horses for courses and all that.

coconutpie · 03/02/2019 11:53

YANBU. And your DH does not get to call the shots now - YOU are her mother and mother's / baby's needs come first. He is not putting either of you first - he is putting himself first.

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