Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

After school detention - AIBU to say no

432 replies

Florasnotin · 01/02/2019 13:02

DD and DS missed the school bus this morning. Completely my fault, I took their phones from them last night and forgot to set the alarm. They caught the public bus and were 15 mins late.

They've both been given an after school detention on Monday.

AIBU to say no. Punishment doesn't really fit the crime and it wasn't even their fault. I've always stood by the school when it comes to discipline but this seems overly harsh

OP posts:
GrammarTeacher · 06/02/2019 08:29

Firstly, it is perfectly just.
Secondly, they have a legal right to do just that.

SaturdayNext · 06/02/2019 09:22

Maisypops and Boneyback, as I said in my post, I fully recognise that there are some parents of whom schools and their staff are wary for very legitimate reasons, and obviously it's entirely sensible to take measures to deal with such parents. What I was referring to in my post was the schools who go beyond that and put parents on the "limited communication" list purely because they want schools to cater properly for their children's disabilities or learning difficulties, and it was prompted in part by a response to Maisy's original post on the topic from someone who said the "list" in their school went into the hundreds.

SaturdayNext · 06/02/2019 09:23

Helendee, by choosing to send your child to school, by law you give the school the right to use reasonable punishments when necessary, which by law includes detentions.

noblegiraffe · 06/02/2019 11:12

Do you know, it’s threads like this that put me off communicating with parents. I want to alert them to an issue with their kid but am worried that they’ll respond in a totally batshit way.

When I get a perfectly reasonable response saying ‘no problem, I’ll talk to DC and it won’t happen again, thanks for letting me know’ it reminds me that most parents are actually fine.

GrammarTeacher · 06/02/2019 11:14

True. And thanks for the reminder Noble.

Helendee · 06/02/2019 12:11

Thank God for home ed!

MiGi777 · 06/02/2019 12:21

A lot of the posts are batsxxx crazy. I'm enjoying reading it though, it makes me feel like quite a sane and reasonable parent! Its the Jeremy Kyle crew versus those of sound mind and morals! Scary though, no wonder the kids play up and the teachers are scared to act. 😬

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/02/2019 12:59

"Thank God for home ed!"

Indeed, @Helendee - but when someone has decided to put their child in school, they are accepting the school's discipline policy by doing so.

I accept that few parents will always agree 100% with every part of the school's policies, but there are some that are pretty basic, which I don't think any parent who chooses school for their children, instead of home educating, should be kicking off about - punctuality being one of those - because when you are trying to teach 30 children at once, it is a whole lot more difficult if some of them come in late. And if a school does not have a robust punctuality/lateness policy, then the disruption to classes will impact on every child in that class.

joanmcc · 06/02/2019 13:06

Thank God for home ed!

Until someone calls their lawyer because their child won't do their home ed study...

Helendee · 06/02/2019 13:19

Yes fair enough SDGT, if you choose the school you choose the rules.
I’m just banging on about State intervention which I abhor in excess.

RomanyRoots · 06/02/2019 13:23

I found that when approached schools can be very understanding about not being able to do after school detentions and some schools for practical reasons don't.
One of our dc went to a school 8 miles away in the stix, I don't drive.
If he didn't get the school bus he was stuck as were others, you only stayed for after school activities if parents could collect.
Detentions were lunch and break time.

I know state schools in the area we are now that will excuse a child from after school detention if they have certain activities after school.
They still take their punishment at other times.

If you have a problem, speak to the school, they will usually help if you have an issue. But, they can give detentions after school, if they so wish.

Dandelio · 06/02/2019 13:24

Are there really schools with a Head so weak that the teachers have given up on giving out detentions because of aggressive parents and the maths dept don't get to decide which maths set is appropriate for a child as the head is able to be bullied into overruling them?
If so I'm bloody glad my kids don't go to such a rubbish school!

Dandelio · 06/02/2019 13:25

That was in response to bluetrees 00.27 post

Idonotsetanalarmformyteen · 06/02/2019 13:29

We are not ‘all late sometimes’. There are loads of students who are always on time. Would you excuse a colleague being 10 minutes late for an important meeting because if ‘the max morning rush’

Happens routinely. I arrive on time for meetings which always start late because someone is always late. And that's adults who control themselves when to get into work.

In this case the student was late because their parent made a mistake. If my ds were given a detention because I had made an error which got him into trouble I would be speaking to the school to get it revoked. Students should face the consequences of their own actions and ds has had several detentions for things he's been at fault for, but I see no reason whatsoever for the sins of the parent to be visited on the child.

MaisyPops · 06/02/2019 18:16

noblegiraffe
I agree. Most parents are so supportive and reasonable.
The loud minority (though at some schools as a PP said it can be majority) are the ones who drain time and energy and resources from the others. There's so much intervention being offered to badly behaved y11s whose parents have backed awful behaviour and now blame the school for their child's performance, but that time and effort could go to doubling support for those hard working but weaker students, or stretch and challenge, or SEND, anything other than pandering to people who've actively undermined school for 5 years.

SaturdayNext
I think you've got wires crossed.
I don't think the poster was saying the 'one point of contact' list went into the hundreds at their school. I think they were saying parents who display the attitudes of more argumentative threaten legal action posters runs into the hundreds.
I'm in a good school and can count on my fingers how many such a measure is in place for (some of that is due to parental intimidation tactics, some is to do with students having complex needs and home have loads of agencies involved so one contact from school is easier).

RomanyRoots
That's totally reasonable. Ultimately schools are generally reasonable when met with reasonable requests.

I personally wouldn't have a detention for one late mark, but then I work in a school that doesn't require such a strict rule because we don't have a punctuality problem.
What some posters can't fathom is that just because they don't like a rule doesn't mean the right thing is to undermine anything you don't like (because that's how you get a school crumbling under weak leadership or a school with lots of issues, more often than not both).

BlueTrees123 · 06/02/2019 18:44

@Danelio

I'm sorry, but a school where parents are able to secure the best possible education for their DC is not a bad school. I'd hate the thought of the places described on this thread where the teachers and head sit in ivory towers laying down silly rules and the parents seem scared into silence by threats of 'escalations' and 'isolations'.

I simply wouldn't tolerate it. I know what's best for my DC and although I will take into account the views of the prison wardens' teachers' views, I am ultimately the best person to decide whether my DC deserves a punishment or what class she should be in. I'll make that decision.

GrammarTeacher · 06/02/2019 18:55

Blue - that's not the case though. You are deliberately ignoring the legal facts. A lawyer would laugh at you for instructing them for your child being detained by school for breaking the rules.
For one final time. We do not need your permission.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 06/02/2019 18:57

I simply wouldn't tolerate it. I know what's best for my DC and although I will take into account the views of the prison wardens' teachers' views, I am ultimately the best person to decide whether my DC deserves a punishment or what class she should be in. I'll make that decision.

BlueTrees123 You don’t know what’s best for your DC though. You’re proving that by continually humiliating them and making them a laughing stock.

BoneyBackJefferson · 06/02/2019 19:01

BlueTrees123

I honestly would like to think that you are just being goady, but I have dealt with far to many parents that think like you.

Luckily I have always had the backing of senior leadership and have rarely had to have continual contact with parents with your attitude.

MaisyPops · 06/02/2019 19:12

Ivory towers - check
Legal action - check
Lawyers - check
Redefining the law based on personal opinion- check
I would refuse / I don't consent - check
Silly disparaging comments along the lines of teachers being gods etc - check
Threatening and demanding meetings - check

It's a good day for school thread bingo.

It's been a long day and this thread is providing some much needed hilarity

larrygrylls · 06/02/2019 19:13

Blue,

Do you also tell your doctor what medicines to prescribe your child?

And do you check in to a hotel and then threaten legal action if their pool does not open at convenient times for you and your family?

I am really struggling to believe that you are for real but I guess I have met some really strange people in my time.

MaisyPops · 06/02/2019 19:15

larrygrylls
Of course.

They'll also tell their mechanic what needs fixing on their MOT and threaten their legal squad if they don't agree with the mechanic's professional opinion. Blue knows what is best you know.

Blue is a GF but sadly has so many echoes of people many of us have encountered at
work.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/02/2019 19:22

@BlueTrees123 - what counts as a ‘silly rule’? Turning up on time to school? Doing your homework on time? Not disrupting the class with silly behaviour?

Seriously - what are these ‘silly rules’ - and if they are that silly, why haven’t you or other parents raised it with the school?

BlueTrees123 · 06/02/2019 19:41

I'd advise some of the people on this thread to take a look at articles 3 and 9 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. These prohibit "arbitrary arrest or detention" and make clear that "everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person."

I'm unsure as to how many of the punishments described here are in line with these principles.

joanmcc · 06/02/2019 19:43

Sounds like you wouldn't even need to call the family lawyer, you're the expert.