Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let her daughter sleep over?

333 replies

Angelwings111 · 30/01/2019 23:04

One of dd’s friends from school is supposed to be sleeping over at my house for 2 days next week while her mum has an operation. This is not a problem as she is a lovely little girl and I get on well with her mum.
The problem is we have a dog who usually sleeps in with dd(9). Now as we have always had dogs I think nothing of this BUT totally understand that other parents won’t be keen so when my friend mentioned she didn’t want her dd sharing a room with the dog I was fine with that.
However as our house is a barn conversion there is no way we can shut the dog downstairs as it is totally open planned so no shut off rooms at all. DH and I can’t have the dog in with us as we have a 5 week old baby and dd2 can’t have him because she fidgets really badly and can’t sleep with the dog in there because he keeps her awake, so I gave my friend a few choices but nothing is god enough for her.
I told her that her dd could have the top bunk in dd’s room (no way the dog can get up there) and my dd would sleep on the sofa that pulls out at the bottom - she said no because she doesn’t want the dog in the same room at all.
I said her dd could have my dd2’s room and be shut in - she doesn’t think her dd would be comfortable sleeping alone in a house she doesn’t know by herself.
So now I’m trying to persuade dd2 to either come in with me and dh or in with dd1 and friends dd just so the dog can be shut in her room away from everyone. I know it’s only for 2 nights but dd2’s really not keen on moving rooms and I feel bad telling her she has to (she has autism and change really doesn’t go down well with her).
I’m thinking of just telling my friend that I can’t have her dd staying here but feel bad as she has no one else to help her but I don’t know what else to do?
Someone help me out please.

OP posts:
Original poster
Angelwings111 · 30/01/2019 23:05

Also dog is very friendly and has slept in with dd since she was 3.

OP posts:
BillywilliamV · 30/01/2019 23:07

She needs to find somewhere else for this kid to stay..

Molakai · 30/01/2019 23:08

Could the girls sleep downstairs and shut the dog in the bedroom?

Howdoidothis4eva · 30/01/2019 23:08

Surely the bedrooms have doors? Can the dog be left the run of the rest of the house during the night, and just kept out of the bedrooms for those 2 days?

duckthisshit · 30/01/2019 23:08

Agreed, what does she expect you to do with him?

LaurieFairyCake · 30/01/2019 23:09

You're the one doing her a favour Confused

It's ridiculous she's interfering at all

Sosounhappy · 30/01/2019 23:09

I think she needs to accept one of your solutions or fund somewhere else

Hugglessnuggles · 30/01/2019 23:09

Can’t you just shut her bedroom door so the dog can not get in? Or am I missing something?

Frequency · 30/01/2019 23:10

Honestly, I think you should start training the dog to sleep outside DD's room or at the most in a locked crate in her room. Sleeping in her bed is so dangerous. No matter how friendly the dog is you're on accidental kick in the ribs or canine night terror away from DD being scarred for life.

My dog is my life but there's no way in Hell I would let him sleep in my child's room. I don't even like him sleeping with me in case I roll over on him in my sleep and get a nip to the face for my troubles.

Howdoidothis4eva · 30/01/2019 23:10

I don't agree that someone that you're doing a favour should be making demands, but if you want to help, would that be a compromise you'd be ok with?

manicinsomniac · 30/01/2019 23:11

She's being way too picky for such a huge favour - she should be grateful for whatever you offer.

But I'm confused as to why the dog can't just be downstairs. I've never had a dog so maybe I'm being really thick but do they need to be shut in just one room rather than wandering between a few?

Jamhandprints · 30/01/2019 23:11

That is tough! As you have a 5 week old baby and a DD with autism I don't think you need to worry about saying no to this! Your offer to help was amazing but if it's not good enough for your friend then she can make other arrangements.

Justajot · 30/01/2019 23:12

When someone does you a favour, sometimes you have to overlook the smaller details. Unfortunately for your friend this is one of those times. Her daughter going in the top bunk seems sufficient and she will have to make alternative arrangements otherwise.

And don't put DD2's routine at risk.

If your friend can't accept your arrangements then she could see if social services could come up with a couple of nights foster care. I suspect that would be difficult and unappealing, but it is the alternative.

Molakai · 30/01/2019 23:13

Yes scrub my reply - why can't dog stay downstairs or on landing and shut the door to DD1's room?

trashcanjunkie · 30/01/2019 23:15

You could borrow a crate or see if the dog can go to a friend for a little holiday

BornInAThunderstorm · 30/01/2019 23:15

Could ddog go in the bathroom with a comfy blanket or big cushion for those nights? Although if there are no medical issues like asthma I dont really see why she can’t just sleep in the top bunk

Returnofthesmileybar · 30/01/2019 23:16

I would say simply "Happy to take her Mary but you have 3 options, top bunk, dd2's bedroom or someone else minds her, it's pretty much that simple, I am doing you a favour and happy to be flexible but that only extends so far"

I am not a dog person, I would never sleep with one either but I would recognise that I would be a cheeky bitch to act like your friend is

PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin · 30/01/2019 23:16

Is there a relative or friend that your dog would be happy staying with for a couple of nights?

Original poster
Angelwings111 · 30/01/2019 23:17

Howdoidothis4eva - the girls bedrooms have doors but mine and dh’s doesn’t as it is sort of part of the landing and friend doesn’t want her dd shut in with the dog or by herself.

Frequency - I wasn’t asking for your advice on how I should raise my dog. I’m happy for him to sleep in with dd (he sleeps along the bottom of her bed on his own blanket so not near her face). If something ever did happen I know it would be totally my fault but I have complete confidence that it won’t. I also said I don’t expect others parents to be ok with it.

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 30/01/2019 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TokyoSushi · 30/01/2019 23:20

Exactly what @Returnofthesmileybar said Smile

Molakai · 30/01/2019 23:20

Could you put a stair gate to stop dog getting into your room and dd1 has door shut

oldowlgirl · 30/01/2019 23:23

I agree with @Returnofthesmileybar's suggestion.

Maryjoyce · 30/01/2019 23:24

If she dosent like how you live in your own house then find someone else to have her kid

MrsWillGardner · 30/01/2019 23:24

Top bunk seems the most sensible option here. If that is not good enough for your friend then you may well have to retract the invitation of her child staying over.

Has she made any practical suggestions rather than dismissing your ideas?