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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not let her daughter sleep over?

333 replies

Angelwings111 · 30/01/2019 23:04

One of dd’s friends from school is supposed to be sleeping over at my house for 2 days next week while her mum has an operation. This is not a problem as she is a lovely little girl and I get on well with her mum.
The problem is we have a dog who usually sleeps in with dd(9). Now as we have always had dogs I think nothing of this BUT totally understand that other parents won’t be keen so when my friend mentioned she didn’t want her dd sharing a room with the dog I was fine with that.
However as our house is a barn conversion there is no way we can shut the dog downstairs as it is totally open planned so no shut off rooms at all. DH and I can’t have the dog in with us as we have a 5 week old baby and dd2 can’t have him because she fidgets really badly and can’t sleep with the dog in there because he keeps her awake, so I gave my friend a few choices but nothing is god enough for her.
I told her that her dd could have the top bunk in dd’s room (no way the dog can get up there) and my dd would sleep on the sofa that pulls out at the bottom - she said no because she doesn’t want the dog in the same room at all.
I said her dd could have my dd2’s room and be shut in - she doesn’t think her dd would be comfortable sleeping alone in a house she doesn’t know by herself.
So now I’m trying to persuade dd2 to either come in with me and dh or in with dd1 and friends dd just so the dog can be shut in her room away from everyone. I know it’s only for 2 nights but dd2’s really not keen on moving rooms and I feel bad telling her she has to (she has autism and change really doesn’t go down well with her).
I’m thinking of just telling my friend that I can’t have her dd staying here but feel bad as she has no one else to help her but I don’t know what else to do?
Someone help me out please.

OP posts:

strawberrypenguin · 31/01/2019 07:21

Your friend is being hugely unreasonable. I see no issue at all with her DD sleeping in the top bunk.
I'd tell her that's the option or she makes other arrangements.

Twooter · 31/01/2019 07:33

The two girls sleep downstairs, you sleep with baby in your area, dh sleeps in dd1’s room with dog. 2 nights - not too big a deal.
I also wouldn’t want my kids sleeping with a non- family dog. I really don’t think she’s being unreasonable.

Collaborate · 31/01/2019 07:36

For all those asking why OP doesn't have the dog with her, please read the original post DH and I can’t have the dog in with us as we have a 5 week old baby. Her choice.

OP - you have no dilemma. It's the other mother's dilemma. Just tell her how it is, and if she's still not happy tell her that's a shame, and you hope she finds somewhere else for her daughter to go.

Lovemusic33 · 31/01/2019 07:48

I would suggest to her that she finds somewhere else for her dd to go, tell her that it’s either the top bunk option or nothing, the dog lives in the house and her dd will be in contact with said dog wether it’s bed time or any other time because it’s the dogs home too.

I always slept with my Springer spaniel when I was a kid, when people stayed over the dog would sleep on the floor next to them 🤣, I don’t think I ever slept alone, always had the dog and/or a cat on my bed, the dog never ate a child but a few people may have got a flea bite.

ResistanceIsNecessary · 31/01/2019 07:48

Agree with the suggestions about giving her options and telling her if none suit then she'll need to make alternative arrangements.

It's absolutely her right to not want her DD to sleep in the same room as a dog overnight. But if that's the case then she needs to ensure that she makes arrangements which suit that, rather than expecting you to turn your household upside down to accommodate her.

Berthatydfil · 31/01/2019 07:48

Your house your rules.
She doesn’t like it - she finds someone else to have her dd sleep over.

Kikipost · 31/01/2019 07:52

Tbh fact you have a five week old is reason enough for no sleep overs in my opinion

Desmondo2016 · 31/01/2019 07:52

How does having no bedroom door work? I can't imagine her being able to have sex again!

(Sorry this fascinates me more than the dog issue)

Stompythedinosaur · 31/01/2019 07:52

Agree that you should tell her the options and she either picks one or makes other arrangements. Having another dc for 2 nights is a big favour.

Desmondo2016 · 31/01/2019 07:52

And it's meant to say I can't imagine EVER having sex again

Sproutingcorm · 31/01/2019 07:54

Tbh, I think the mother would probably be happier if she found alternative accommodation for her daughter. I am a dog lover and owner but I agree with Frequency that you have to be extra careful with visiting DC. Even if the dog concerned is normally super friendly. A child the dog doesn't know, (who may be nervous of dogs and sending out fear signals) descending from a top bunk in the night, to go to the bathroom for example, wakes the dog suddenly on the bunk below... and ... . I don't think it's worth the risk. I've spoken to too many veterinary nurses who have recounted incidences of DC getting bitten when they've inadvertently startled a dog awake from sleeping.

I have two eight month old babies visiting me for lunch today along with their parents, and our ( friendly but reactive adoptees) dogs are going to be locked in a room downstairs with toys and beds and blankets for an hour or so while they are here. Its not fair or practical to do that to a dog for two nights though. And it's not beyond the realms of possibility that the mother might need an extra night of help too. It's great to be able to help out when needed, but in this instance I think she would be more reassured if she asked someone else.

Anonanonanariston · 31/01/2019 07:55

I don't understand why you can't shut DD's bedroom door with the kids in there but not the dog? Is it because you're worried the dog will come in your room?

anniehm · 31/01/2019 07:55

Can't the dog sleep on the landing? Surely the bedroom has a door? Don't you have a utility room or something with a door? Downstairs loo maybe?

Sproutingcorm · 31/01/2019 07:56

Just noticed you have a 5 week old baby; you are being very generous offering to do this in the first place op!

woolduvet · 31/01/2019 07:56

She seems borderline cf.
give her the options you're happy with or she goes somewhere else.
Stop giving in to her, she doesn't run your house and you're doing her a favour.

Anonanonanariston · 31/01/2019 07:57

Sorry- just clicked that must be the case and it's because of the baby. Fair enough. Do none of your downstairs rooms have doors? Or bathroom? (To put the dog in overnight)

ZoeWashburne · 31/01/2019 08:01

Im sorry but this is getting ridiculous. Just say back "I'm happy to have your child but practical logistics means that we just don't have a physical barrier to keep the dog out of the room. You can have your child sleep on the top bunk so the dog can't get up there or alone in the other room. Otherwise, it may be best to find alternative arrangements, as I don't know what else we can do. "

If she pushes back, say "I'm sorry, I don't know what you expect me to do".

She is being a CF. You are doing her a favour.

BarbarianMum · 31/01/2019 08:02

Not sure why this 100% reliable dog cant be in w you, dh and the baby?

Candymay · 31/01/2019 08:03

Yes you are being so kind to help your friend out when you have a 5 week old baby! You sound lovely. I think you explain the setup. Offer the choice and then she takes your kind offer or doesn’t. You’ve made lots of very helpful suggestions.
Incidentally- I used to have a terrible fear of dogs- totally irrational- couldn’t go into a house with one etc. It was because my mother didn’t like them I think. Anyway it was sleeping over at someone’s house- as an adult-that cured me. Her dog got out. I woke to hear someone snoring and a head on my pillow. He was sharing my bed like a human. Literally lying alongside me cheek to cheek. From that moment I fell in love with dogs and now I’m desperate to have one myself!

CherryPavlova · 31/01/2019 08:08

You just need to reiterate the options and offer her a take it or leave it approach.
We don’t because ours is huge but there is recent research that shows people who sleep with a dog actually sleep better. I suspect they feel safer so go into deeper sleep. Not sure how White Company bedding would look after two days, but each to,their own.

SanFranBear · 31/01/2019 08:09

Why can't you just shut the door to DD1s room?

SanFranBear · 31/01/2019 08:10

Wait... is it because otherwise your dog comes in to you? Sorry - being slow this morning!

Ribbonsonabox · 31/01/2019 08:14

@SanFranBear the ops bedroom has no doors it's open plan with rest of house. So dog is usually shut in to her DDs room. OP does not want the dog to be in her part of the house at night because she has a 5 week old baby.

SanFranBear · 31/01/2019 08:23

Thanks Ribbons.. as soon as I posted it came to me as I has read OPs posts (honest )

Mix56 · 31/01/2019 08:27

I would reply, "Sorry, we have brainstormed here, I don't have another workable solution. If you aren't happy you will need to ask elsewhere.
Let me know"

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