To not let her daughter sleep over?

[Angelwings111]

One of dd’s friends from school is supposed to be sleeping over at my house for 2 days next week while her mum has an operation. This is not a problem as she is a lovely little girl and I get on well with her mum.
The problem is we have a dog who usually sleeps in with dd(9). Now as we have always had dogs I think nothing of this BUT totally understand that other parents won’t be keen so when my friend mentioned she didn’t want her dd sharing a room with the dog I was fine with that.
However as our house is a barn conversion there is no way we can shut the dog downstairs as it is totally open planned so no shut off rooms at all. DH and I can’t have the dog in with us as we have a 5 week old baby and dd2 can’t have him because she fidgets really badly and can’t sleep with the dog in there because he keeps her awake, so I gave my friend a few choices but nothing is god enough for her.
I told her that her dd could have the top bunk in dd’s room (no way the dog can get up there) and my dd would sleep on the sofa that pulls out at the bottom - she said no because she doesn’t want the dog in the same room at all.
I said her dd could have my dd2’s room and be shut in - she doesn’t think her dd would be comfortable sleeping alone in a house she doesn’t know by herself.
So now I’m trying to persuade dd2 to either come in with me and dh or in with dd1 and friends dd just so the dog can be shut in her room away from everyone. I know it’s only for 2 nights but dd2’s really not keen on moving rooms and I feel bad telling her she has to (she has autism and change really doesn’t go down well with her).
I’m thinking of just telling my friend that I can’t have her dd staying here but feel bad as she has no one else to help her but I don’t know what else to do?
Someone help me out please.

Me and my best friend...my very own dog and much loved companion from 12yrs - 28yrs. He always came first before any friends or boyfriends .....

OP you can't do any more. Posters who are suggesting your dog sleeps anywhere but the place he always sleeps obviously do not understand dog behaviour.

My dog sleeps in his bed in the utility room. He always has, from a puppy, as I don't like dogs upstairs and as a puppy he needed to sleep where he couldn't chew furniture, electric cables etc

Its been freezing the past few nights. My dog, now he's older, has been allowed to sleep in front of the, still warm, fire on his blanket. His bigger, dog bed has been moved into the warm kitchen. He has a variety of warm places he can sleep but has ended up, every night, in the place he knows as his sleeping place - the utility room, on his old, too small, puppy bed. We closed the door between kitchen and utility room the first night. Dog woke us all up whining, and scratching the closed door. The door is left open now so he can choose where he wants to sleep. The cold, draughty utility room it is then 🤷‍♀️

Do you intend crating your dog, with the door locked for the first time? Have you had a trial run?

@ julensaor - you have no right to judge me, you have no idea what kind of person I am. I have gone out of my way to help this friend time and time again when no one else can be bothered to. I pity you’re friends - if you have any that is.

blueskiesandforests - so the toddler and the other people bitten by the lurcher didn't get rabies jabs or any hospital treatment. What an irresponsible owner.
Angelwings - You're a good friend and I hope all goes well.

Your friend is not a CF at all, having concerns about your child being unsupervised with a dog is very reasonable.

I question any parent who would allow a 3 year old to have a dog sleep in their room/bed, such an unsafe thing to do IMO, both the 3 year old and the dog can e unpredictable and it only takes one moment of pain inflicted on the dog for it to all go sour.

If you don't want to/can't help her then just say so but she is not wrong in wanting her child to be separated from the dog just because so many people think it's fine.

@julensaor - I didn’t post on here for judgement, I posted for advice which most others have given in a friendly and helpful manner.
Why would you think I would be after attention, no one on here even knows who I am!
I’ve managed to keep my children alive and well for the last 10 years so I can’t be doing too badly and for what it’s worth I wouldn’t leave my children with you either, you’re clearly a hard faced bitch.

@StoppinBy - she’s 9 not 3!!

I agree it’s not an ideal situation but I think given that the offer has been made and your friend is going in for an operation, you will
Need to come up with a solution. I agree that your friend is being a tad demanding, did she know the dog slept in the room when the plan was made? Has the girl slept over before? What happened then?

If your friend really has no one else to help out, I think it would be difficult for her to find alternative arrangements now. But I see your dilemma too. Ideally, this would have been talked about at the time of offering.

Dog in the bathroom?
No areas at all downstairs enclosed? No utility room or porch or somewhere you may not have thought of?
Even if you find somewhere else for the dog, won’t it whine all night to be with your DD?

@angelwings, she was 3 when you allowed the dog to sleep there.

Just like to add that the dog I was bitten by when I was a kid was a dacshhund, I was a also bitten by an Italian greyhound hard enough to break skin as an adult and I did nothing to warrant it, it just ran up to me and bit me, both of those are small breeds, big dogs, small dogs, they all have teeth.

I do not hate dogs, I actually really like them, what I don't do though is extend them my trust when it comes to my children, admittedly the girls mother does allow her child to play unsupervised with your dog during the day, that is something that I personally would not allow, even with my own dog and especially not with someone else's dog so while I think the dog should be out of the bedroom I can't see why she cares when she is so relaxed about it usually.

I worked in a boarding kennel and a vet clinic for many years and most owners would be shocked with how their 'wouldn't hurt a fly' dog would react in a stressful situation.

Your a better woman than i op
I would have told her to go jump after all her demands, which unreasonable since she asking for the favor
My house, my rules, dog stays, no way would i buy a crate
The friend is being overly dramatic and needs to get a grip

dogs have their places in the home.from day one you are told to find them this because they need their points of afety.some find it ok to be elsewhere but others it can really disrupt them even for a few days.
I understand what some people say about dogs with toddlers.but there have been the balance of those of us grown from day one with dogs right next to us.it is a bond you have to trust. if you tread on a dogs face it will retaliate just like we would by yelling or etc etc. but that doesn't mean they cant be trusted.this would be a terrible accident. I know 100% my dog could be trsuted with my life.i grew up with her we were basically one!and to be honest she was more ikelty to roll on my face than the other way round.
but people have different views on dogs and that is ok.

op you have done and thought of all you could here.so you need to go back to her and tell her you have thought of every different arrangement and cant come up with one suitable so what do you need to do next to help her.can she think of anything else to make it work or o you together need to find some other option.
if you living arrangements don't work that isn't your fault nor hers.you both live differently.and that is fine.but you shouldn't feel guilty for her way not being your way.and it doesn't stop you being a good friend.

@Julansoer her priorities are not skewed by asking the question at all. The only way they have become skewed is because she is now putting this other child abover her own family member and putting the poor poor dog on a crate to accomodate this cheeky fucker of a woman.

I can tell you now I would never be disrupting or changing my family members life/routine for anyone outside my own home.

In response to your question, "AIBU to not let her daughter sleep over"? No YANBU.

You have considered all options. The dog is going to be shoved in a crate, for the first time in 5 years old. That won't work out well. Crate training takes time.

You have a dd with autism, plus you have a very young baby and still recovering from her birth. Your intentions were great. Unfortunately beggars can't be choosers and if your friend finds your usual living and sleeping arrangements unsuitable for her DD then she won't mind finding alternative child care.

Don't let this worry you any longer OP. Its not your problem. You have enough to be dealing with at the moment. Take care

Beeziekn33ze rabies jabs are not routinely given to people in the UK bitten by domestic dogs.

Tell her to find somewhere else to put her kid. It's silly bending over backwards to try to help people who really don't deserve to be helped

So glad OP that you’ve found a solution satisfactory to you and your DH. Whether posters here agree with it is of no consequence.
Your friend is off the board unreasonable re the top bunk solution and you’re very kind in meeting her needs. Maybe you need to talk to her later re her demands?
Good luck

AIBU to ask for a floor plan of your home! Sounds lovely!!

So.. I really don’t like dogs, they scare me! But I’d have been fine with the top bunk idea!

You’re too kind to keep trying to bend for HER needs when YOU are the one helping! Good luck xx

@PinkGin

You never use kennels? Or do you only use them when it’s for something you need to do?

It was SIL’s pet. Her dog loves the kennels, they are run by her regular dog walker’s family. I don’t have a dog, but I would be more than willing to say to my DD that I needed her room to help out a friend and she’d be going to spend the night with her fun Auntie. Win win all round.

I am THE biggest dog fan, and am always a bit when I come across children who are scared of them.
However, it's not like you're minding this child while mum's off on a jolly. She's in hospital. A stressful situation for she and her child. I daresay she's already feeling a bit shit that there are no family members to take over?
All things considered, I would do everything I can to make them feel happy and comfortable. There MUST be some way of keeping your dog out of the bedroom.

Total diversion here but Flake you are the spitting image of my daughter. She's 22 now but I would honestly have said confidently that she was my child. She is bonkers about dogs and we have many pics of her snugglung up in bed with her dog.

I would say simply "Happy to take her Mary but you have 3 options, top bunk, dd2's bedroom or someone else minds her, it's pretty much that simple, I am doing you a favour and happy to be flexible but that only extends so far"

Totally this