Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you love your DP or DC more?

330 replies

MamaDane · 29/01/2019 21:56

Sorry if this question offends in any way or if it's painfully obvious.

Thing is, I'm pregnant (FTM) and in a relationship with the love of my life.

And I keep wondering how it would be possible to love my kids more than my partner.

I see my partner as my soulmate and the kids with eventually move out and have their own lives, where again it will just be the two of us, growing old together.

Anyone still with their DP and love them more?

Or still with DP and love their child/-ren the most?

OP posts:
mokapot · 29/01/2019 22:48

My boys hands down: I had them for me: the only reason to wake up in the morning

PrettyLovely · 29/01/2019 22:49

Dc more without a doubt.

justasking111 · 29/01/2019 22:49

hersymphony - this poster says the same. With two adult children and one teenager.

meow1989 · 29/01/2019 22:50

DS is 7 months, been with DH 13years.
DS wins for me and my husband.

I remember working with someone when I was younger who said they'd choose their DH over all of her 3 children... I just don't get it.

newnameforthis7 · 29/01/2019 22:50

Ask yourself, if your DC were drowning, (in one pool) and your partner/husband was drowning in a pool 300 yards away, and you could only save one or the other, which would you save?

There's your answer.

I know who I would save! My kids of course. I would hope my DH would say the same!!!

I feel most people would - and this thread illustrates that.

That's why it always baffles me, when there is a case of a house fire, and 3, 4, or 5 children die in the fire, and the parents get out and survive.

I would desperately try to rescue them, even if it meant dying myself. I would rather die with them, than escape the fire, and have them die! Shock

That's why, as I said, I don't 'get' house fires where the children die and the parents live. And there have been a few over the last few years.

Utterly baffling. Confused

@Scifi101 yes of COURSE you feel the same when they are adults. Hmm What a bizarre thing to ask!

PatricksRum · 29/01/2019 22:51

It's a different type of love entirely.

TulipsInbloom1 · 29/01/2019 22:51

I would die for dc. I wouldn't for dh.
I love my dc unconditionally. I love my dh but not without conditions (marriage vows essentially).
However I am happy about my children growing and flying the nest, but always want to live with dh.
Dh sees 100% the real me. My dc don't.

Original poster
MamaDane · 29/01/2019 22:53

Thanks you guys for all of your replies. Blush I suppose I will find out once the baby is here.

Right now I'd pick my DP over a potential child drowning in a pool, but as many of you have said, it will probably change when the baby is born. Flowers

OP posts:
Uptheduffagai · 29/01/2019 23:00

DC and DH feels the same, I would be disappointed if he put me or anyone else above the love for children

Focalpoint · 29/01/2019 23:01

They are not in competition

MsJaneAusten · 29/01/2019 23:05

he’s under strict instructions that in a ‘me or them’ situation that he should always save them first and if I survived and they didn’t (because he didn’t) then our lives would be over anyway

I thought this. Then we were in a serious car accident and I was the first to crawl out. I got DH out next.

Unbelievable.

He got both boys out while I screamed and cried though - and while cars continued to whizz towards us - and we all survived.

I was so angry at myself for so long. Then a counsellor helped me to understand that this was the right thing to do. Some internal instinct kicked in where I knew I needed him out of that car first in order to get the kids out.

He saved their lives, but only because I saved his.

I’m babbling here. What I’m saying is that survival instinct is a funny old thing. You never know how you will react in a certain situation and I will never judge someone who doesn’t do what I think I would do in a house fire / crisis type situation.

OP, you definitely have enough love for your child. It’s absolutely imeasurable.

JustLetMeSleep1 · 29/01/2019 23:15

As others had said, my girls come first before any other human.
I wouldn't want my dh if he chose me over them.
I could live without my dh I could not live without my girls.
I managed to get through it once but I'm not as strong now.
If I could have saved my daughter I would have sold my soul and for people who don't believe in that. I would have the worse possible thing done to me daily in order for her to live.
So with no doubt in my mind I love my girls more than everyone and everything in the world.

dubmumof2 · 29/01/2019 23:19

Children without a moment's hesitation

Mashedpotatobutty · 29/01/2019 23:21

Agree with others, my love for my children is completely unconditional. My love for dh is very conditional. My babies come first above anyone else in the world

MochaToGo · 29/01/2019 23:23

@DerelictWreck

DC, and i dont even have any! I have a beautiful niece, and the thought of anything happening to her is abhorrent and makes me want to tear myself apart. So I can only imagine how it would feel for my own DC!

I’m glad you said this! I seriously worry that if/when I have kids I won’t love them as much as I love my niece.

Mumof1andacat · 29/01/2019 23:24

What a strange question. I love dh and ds. No one is first. It's not a competition.

WhereAreAllTheUsernames · 29/01/2019 23:27

It's completely different types of love. I love my dc more than anyone else and would do anything to protect them.

payperview · 29/01/2019 23:33

Kids kids kids. Every time. Dh knows his place.

Nomorechickens · 29/01/2019 23:33

Hm, DCs or dogs, that's a tough one.
In the drowning in swimming pool scenario, DCs because DH should have bloody well learned to swim!
Though actually I would probably freeze and save none of them. Mayve Ddog would jump in and rescue them, like Lassie

Faster · 29/01/2019 23:38

Its a different type of love. I love DP as an adult, as an equal. But my love for him is conditional.
I love DS with every fibre of my being, it’s a protective love. An unconditional love.

Riotingbananas · 29/01/2019 23:40

Many people claim they are with their 'soulmate' or the 'love of my life'. A significant proportion of those people will not be together for the rest of their lives, or if they do stay together, they will no longer feel the same. The love for your child is different, it's forever, it doesn't decrease, you can't find someone else to take their place. No contest really.

Willyoubuymeahouseofgold · 29/01/2019 23:47

DC no hesitation

icannotremember · 29/01/2019 23:48

I love them differently. There is no choice in my love for my dc, it's overwhelming and unquestionable. I choose to love my DH. I would sacrifice DH to save the dc if that means anything but he would want me to anyway and I know he would save them over me too, they're our babies, it would be unimaginable not to.

When I was pregnant with ds1 I couldn't imagine loving him as much as I loved DH. And when I was having ds2 I was worried that I couldn't possibly love another baby as much as ds1. But I did, obviously, and when ds3 came along I loved him just as much too. I really, really love DH. And I really, really love my dc. Just in different ways.

CoastalLife · 29/01/2019 23:49

DC. Grandkids. The dogs. DH.

This is interesting. I have a young DD and I definitely feel like my mum would choose her over me if it came down to it. I wonder how the grandkids and adult children "rank" against each other for most people.

GunpowderGelatine · 29/01/2019 23:49

Children, no question. With my kids it's unconditional. If for example DH cheated on me or hit me I wouldn't love him any more. It's not unconditional, and should never be with a partner

Swipe left for the next trending thread