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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you love your DP or DC more?

330 replies

MamaDane · 29/01/2019 21:56

Sorry if this question offends in any way or if it's painfully obvious.

Thing is, I'm pregnant (FTM) and in a relationship with the love of my life.

And I keep wondering how it would be possible to love my kids more than my partner.

I see my partner as my soulmate and the kids with eventually move out and have their own lives, where again it will just be the two of us, growing old together.

Anyone still with their DP and love them more?

Or still with DP and love their child/-ren the most?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 29/01/2019 22:06

Don't worry. I thought the same. And then I gave birth.

Bluntness100 · 29/01/2019 22:07

Well my child of course. You don't stop loving your kids because they move out and you stop living with them.

And it's not a competition, you can love both. Youlove both differently. Unless you're a total eejit, your love for your partner is conditional and your love for your child is not.

Chocolateheaven123 · 29/01/2019 22:07

Agree with the others. I love my OH and he's such a wonderful person but my children will always come first. If someone came up to me and said I had to leave my OH or my children, i wouldn't hesitate for a millisecond to chose my children Each and every time.

And I never want to be parted from OH, we will absolutely grow old together, but the love for my children (one who isn't even here yet) is unparalleled to anybody else.

Huggingslothsallday · 29/01/2019 22:08

It’s a different type of love. But as other pp have said if it came to something between my dc and dp- dc win every time. It’s called being a parent.

deadmansdrop · 29/01/2019 22:09

Osirus Beautifully put💜

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 29/01/2019 22:09

I'm not romantic at all and haven't ever bought into 'soul mates' etc. I love DH because he's the best man I know. I love the DC because they're my heartbeats. I don't think it's measurable, but I do know that I could live without DH. I don't feel the same way about the DC.

MrsDeanWinchester75 · 29/01/2019 22:10

DC, it's unconditional whereas my love for dh has many conditions.

Oysterbabe · 29/01/2019 22:10

Kids and I hope he feels the same way.

TruJay · 29/01/2019 22:10

You guys are my kind of people, this question was asked on here once before and most people said DH because one day your kids will leave and it's just the two of you again and I just couldn't relate, I would die for my children, no questions asked. It's a love like no other, sometimes I look at my kids and I just well up. When you go in and check on them when you go to bed and just look at them thinking I made you and my gosh do I love you. You'll see when baby arrives op, it's the best feeling in the world

HollyGoLoudly1 · 29/01/2019 22:11

My husband is the love of my life and my best friend in the whole world but I'd throw him under a bus to save my kids.

This with bells on Grin

theWarOnPeace · 29/01/2019 22:11

If you love your partner so deeply, you’ll be blown away by the all consuming love you have for your baby. I can’t imagine anyone genuinely loving their partner more than their children, and there have been plenty of threads and comments about the trauma of a parent ‘choosing’ their partner/spouse over them. I love my husband, but I wouldn’t stay by his side through any and every thing - my children I would.

Billballbaggins · 29/01/2019 22:12

Everyone wonders ‘how can I love my child more than my partner’ then the baby is born - it doesn’t matter if it hits you like a wave at the birth or if it’s a slow burn but the love is so primal, so certain and just unreal. I would throw any other person in front of a bullet for my DH (except for my children!) but for my DC I’d throw myself and my DH in front of the bullets.

Then when you’re having a second child you wonder ‘how can I ever love another child as much as I love my first’ and then, when the second is born, you realise that you love them so intensely as well. The love is doubled, not divided between them.

Schmoobarb · 29/01/2019 22:12

I don’t like any of them very much Grin

HeyArthur · 29/01/2019 22:12

Always the DC over everything and everyone. I love my DH but my kids would and will always come first.

Gina2012 · 29/01/2019 22:12

Once you have a child you'll get it

DC over anyone else, ever

I'd give my life for my DD

katmarie · 29/01/2019 22:13

They are different kinds of love. I would step in front of a speeding train for my dc without thought or question. My dh would do the same. But I've made a commitment to my dh for the rest of our lives, come what may, and I have absolute faith he has done the same. They are different, one fierce and immense, the other patient and enduring, but both wonderful.

Huggingslothsallday · 29/01/2019 22:13

Also it’s crazy, but when you give birth and this tiny human who you’ve never met before looks up at you, and you look back and immediately knows you would give your life for them.

Exdp had no children when I had ds2, and he was saying similar to you. I remember him holding ds minutes after birth and him saying ‘I understand now that love you were talking about’.

marbley · 29/01/2019 22:13

The difference is that my love for dh is conditional

I totally agree with this.

HerSymphonyAndSong · 29/01/2019 22:14

Of course my child. It would be wrong for it to be otherwise. There is a quote that says having a child is having your heart walk outside your body - that’s what it feels like to me.

Schmoobarb · 29/01/2019 22:14

That was a joke, clearly. I’ve never really thought about it in that way and find it a bit odd. Obviously my H is my soul mate who I have chosen to be with but my children are my flesh and blood who need me.

Oysterbabe · 29/01/2019 22:14

To expand slightly. I love my DH but that could definitely change if he did something really bad. If we split I'd eventually heal and move on. With my children it's like my heart is now wandering around separate to my body, they are part of me. It's a permanent bond and I don't see how I could live without them.

Corcra · 29/01/2019 22:14

I love my dh but we both love our children more than we love each other. They are our hearts.
Enjoy every minute and prepare to have your heart burst wide open with love. It’s a feeling like no other.

Schmoobarb · 29/01/2019 22:15

In other words I don’t think it’s a competition. It’s a different love and it’s not finite. Hence why people can have 1, 2, 5, 10 children and love them all the same

Bluntness100 · 29/01/2019 22:17

There was a thread on here awhile ago where someone was arguing it was very important her husband loved her more than the kids. Most posters were aghast at what she was writing,

A love for a child is a primal instinct and it's a very different love to that of a partner. As said it's not a competition, but given a choice, then the child, even when an adult, will always come first. No ifs, buts or maybes.

BillywigSting · 29/01/2019 22:17

*Husband beats all other men

Dc beat all other humans. Full stop.*

^this. Ds is my most favourite human that ever was or ever will be.

Dp is ace but like pp have said, that love is conditional.