It's just too different to compare and I agree the nature of the question doesn't really work; however, my first reaction at reading the thread title was my spouse. It's been interesting reading through. I agree that it's creepy and controlling to say that someone should love you more, but none of the arguments has really changed my mind, as much I'm likely overthinking this as the nerd I am.
I might be unbelievable or unnatural or shiver-inducing or maybe from seeing my own mother and many other mothers I've known and the many threads on here that seem quite good evidence that not every mother has the intensity described - plenty of good and bad mothers do and plenty of good and bad mothers don't - and that feral protectiveness can come from places that are not love (personally, I do not associate the two and do struggle a bit to understand the many who do) has altered my perceptions. Maybe having only seen and tried to care for others who've gone through the loss of a spouse and child & seen the devastation in both, I underestimate the difference the major impact would have on me that I do not think either would be easier or that my grief would be greater than those who already live with that and more every day. I know more than a few who never recovered or 'moved on' after the loss of a spouse and it's odd to me to assume it would be as easier. Or maybe I just have a different perspective or definitions of love, paternal, romantic, and otherwise.
Really, I'm not sure if I believe that truly unconditional love exists. The closest I've seen is my spouse's for me and between some other couples far more than I've ever seen between parent and child, even for myself. Yes, my kids are my priority, I hope the best for them and I would die and kill for them - as I would for my spouse and maybe a couple of my friends, not for my parents or most people - but I'll admit to having boundaries and conditional lines that I cannot see a way back from. Maybe it's because I still have some anger with family members who kept loving and ferally protecting people who literally threatened and tried to end the lives of others, I hope by all in the universe that's never me. To me, loving a memory of someone I once cared for is not the same as loving someone who has gone too far from that person.
Even after reading the thread and having gone through rough patches with my spouse where we discussed the logistics of separating, I still say my spouse. Yeah, the worst could happen and he could leave or die or commit some horrible crime, but even if I moved on in the sense of continuing my life or loving someone else, the impact he's had on my life isn't something I can move on from - guy has saved my life repeatedly, even though my many many fuckups, and we've stood together through a lot shit. I plan my future with him, building and seeing each other's dreams come true and making each other happy - most of that does not really involve our kids.
If the worst - death or unforgivable crime which are both as much a possibility with my kids as it is for my spouse - doesn't happen, my kids will leave as adults and they could leave and never return just as I did to my parents. I accept that as a possible future reality, it's a reality that many parents - good and bad - have had to accept as much as hopefully most of us would like more in the hopeful future where our kids all turn out great. It would take far more for me to be happy with accepting that future between me and my spouse.
To me, that difference is what fuels my gut reaction - as important as they are to me and as much as I do and would do for them because of that, I foresee a future where I'll live happily without them in my day to day life, where they will not be such a large part of my world nor do I want even now to be theirs - I want their worlds to be bigger than I could even in my wildest dreams be, and my wildest dreams involve my spouse. Even if that makes me odd.