To ask if you love your DP or DC more?

[MamaDane]

Sorry if this question offends in any way or if it's painfully obvious.

Thing is, I'm pregnant (FTM) and in a relationship with the love of my life.

And I keep wondering how it would be possible to love my kids more than my partner.

I see my partner as my soulmate and the kids with eventually move out and have their own lives, where again it will just be the two of us, growing old together.

Anyone still with their DP and love them more?

Or still with DP and love their child/-ren the most?

I felt exactly the same way as you OP and then I had my son. My son will always come first. I still envision spending the rest of my life with my partner and I love him to bits but yes, my son comes first. Never thought I'd feel that way and then DS was born. 😁

DC definitely. It doesn't have to be a contest though, you can still love them both.

Also, while I would be devastated if dp died, I would survive and carry on with my life.

I really don't think I could say the same for my dc.

DC. Grandkids. The dogs. DH.

He'd write the list the same way too.

I never understood this question.

It is different and not really comparable. I don't think I love my children more than I love my husband, just differently.

Of course I would die for my children but I wouldn't for my husband, but that's instinct I think. I don't think it is because I love them more, I just love them differently and my natural instinct is to protect them more.

It would be interesting to know the ages of the children people are posting about.

I wonder if posters would say the same when their children become adults?

Love my DP completely and utterly. I would push him under a bus if needed to save my child, and he would do the same, and that’s all right and correct. I would think there is something wrong with my DP if he prioritized me over our child.
Op, did you ever see that film with Will Smith and the robots? Where Will was against the robots because they saved him from drowning instead of the child? That’s what having a child is like. No matter how much you love your DP/DH, the love you have for your child goes over and beyond that, and you will never love your DP more than when you réalise he would step over your broken body to get to your child.

From the second I saw DS it was the strongest bond I'd ever felt. Like the whole world shifted on its axis a tiny bit and I knew I would never be the same person again a seismic shift had occurred because a part of me now existed in another tiny person and that person would always come first.

It's not inevitable though, my own DM put every husband, boyfriend and general chancer she had before her children. The maternal instinct isn't in us all.

Of course we love our DCs more, they depend on us wholeheartedly to guide them throughout their lives. They actually NEED us. DPs just want us but (hopefully) could stand on their own two feet independent of us.

It really isn't necessary to rank love.

My DC of course.

I have the capacity to live happily without my partner.

I could never be happy without my DC.

There is plenty enough love to go around, it grows exponentially....without love having to be sourced or siphoned from your original relationship! Nothing is taken away from what you have. Except....maybe sleep.

It’s the best. Congratulations OP

Dc. And if dh didn't think the same I couldn't be with him.

It is a different sort of love. Dc and dgc I would kill for them,die for them and dh is my soulmate, he completes me and losing him would break me.

DC

I'd take a bus for them.

I would yell "look out for the bus" to DH but he probably wouldn't hear me

DC, and i dont even have any!

I have a beautiful niece, and the thought of anything happening to her is abhorrent and makes me want to tear myself apart. So I can only imagine how it would feel for my own DC!

It’s different love but DC.

Also, if it ever was a 'DH or DC' kind of situation, your partner would WANT you to choose the kids too, that's how strong a parents love is.
I agree.

I would prioritise my DC, over my OH and OH would do the same.

THat's how it should be,

And it's not an indication of a poor relationship.

We had this conversation at work. In a group of women only one said her husband. He isn't the father of her grown up children and her reasoning was that if she didn't have her husband she'd be alone. Everyone was quite shocked at her reasoning at the time but it's quite sad because they've split up and she is alone now. My children are adults and I feel the same love for them now as I did when they were small. More than I'd ever feel for any man.

I lovely my DH wholeheartedly but it’s consitional. My love for my DC is unconditional - I would lay my life down for them without a second thought and would expect my DH to do the same.

In fact, he’s under strict instructions that in a ‘me or them’ situation that he should always save them first and if I survived and they didn’t (because he didn’t) then our lives would be over anyway.

That’s not to say that they don’t all get on my nerves daily. Because they do. But they are my kids! They came from my belly. Nothing can trump that and I do judge people who say they love their partners more than their DC

A childless friend asked DH if there was a cliff fall and he had to choose between saving me or his child what would he do. He said the child. She came to me and asked the same question I gave the same reply. Her response was but you can always have more children. She could not get her head around it that I would rather my DH saved my child than me.

That is just how it is OP.

*conditional even

Don't worry. It doesn't make you love your husband less. It's not one or the other. It's different. I love my husband even more post kids as I see how he is as a father as well as a husband.

“I wonder if posters would say the same when their children become adults?”

Of course. I don’t see how that would change. My parents would lay down their lives for their adult children before each other

Definitely my kids, every time.