AIBU to my sister over inheritance?

[LadyDracula]

6 years ago my father died leaving a generous amount to my sister and I (around 35k each) and left a substantial amount (135k) to my two children who are now 14 and 15. It was my fathers wishes for the money to be used towards educating my children as education was something he truly valued, yet at the time my sister and I growing up, he was unable to fulfil.

Fast forward to now, my sister has had 2 children (aged 1 and 3.5). I met up with her for lunch over the weekend for a general catch up and mentioned I have just been buying additional uniform for my Dd14. She said to me that she was looking around local private schools for her son who is due to start school next year and that she wanted to know how much the ‘budget’ was per term or per year. When I asked her what she meant she explained she wanted to know how much money was left for her two children’s education from the inheritance Dad left. When I explained none and that it had been spent (or will be spent over the next few years) on my two dc she went mental and ranted on about how selfish I had been and she had never thought for one second I would spend all of ‘our’ money on my own kids. I was totally blown away and hadn’t for one minute assumed he expected any of the money. My children both attended state primary schools and I only enrolled them at the local private schools for their secondary education. At the time I enrolled my youngest she was only just pregnant with her first child and when Dad left the money in his will he said for X and Y (my kids). My sister was an older first time mother (39) and I suspect my father thought she had chosen a career over a family. I suppose I had that thought too.

My sister left and after ignoring my calls for 2 days has said today that she needs to know my next steps. She went on to explain my best option is to move my children from their current school - including my eldest who is now studying for GCSEs - to a cheaper one and she can have the difference. I told her that won’t be happening and that my children are settled and happy. She then went on that yet again it’s all about my children etc etc.

I have no idea how to make this situation any better and don’t want to lose my relationship with my only sister over this. I am a single mum so there’s no way I could ever afford to subsidise the costs either to appease my sister and give her some money. Equally I do feel awful because I know there’s no way her and her DH could afford to pay for a private education for their children either, and now she feels like her kids have been treated unfairly.

(Sorry, my post should have said "my father left his estate divided equally between me, my brother and my two children")

@PopCakes RTFT

I really don’t understand why the Op is getting a hard time.
The father bequeathed 135k for his grandchildren’s education. Maybe he should have put it in trust for future grandchildren, however, he did not
The Op cannot give that money to her sister, because it does not belong to the Op .
The Op should not even think about remortgaging her house. In fact, anyone who suggests this is being obtuse and ridiculous.
It’s a terrible situation to be in and I can understand why the Op’s sister is annoyed , but that’s life.
This thread is valuable in that it shows the consequences of inequitable wills and the anger and devastation it leaves.

Inheritance is always a nightmare. He should not have left such an uneven amount. Legally I dont think your sister has a right to money that was left to your children, She was naive to think so. Morally you were also naive to think this would go down well. You might need to think about some reparation. Some arbitration might help

Contraceptionismyfriend your name is some bloody good advice that several people on this thread should live by. Can't believe how stupid some people are.

I think a lot of the comments on here stem from jealousy and a loathing of private education!

OP - you have done absolutely nothing wrong. Your sister is a tad late in 'claiming' her part of the inheritance which is not hers to claim. You owe her nothing and I hope in time she comes to see that.

Legally - right

Morally - reprehensible

Do you want a relationship with your sister? Do you think your nieces/nephews deserve the same opportunities as your children?

Smh. Glad you're not my sister.

I agree totally with the above. You want a great relationship with your sister? Then it is your responsibility to make right the cock-up of a Will your father left. It was a ridiculous Will made with poor foresight. He should have left it to his 'GC' or put it into a trust for his 'GC', not name specific ones. If you had had a 3rd child, what would you have done?

You legally may not be required to share but I very much doubt you will have anyone but yourself to blame when you end up with no close family and I doubt anyone you explain it to will see you in a good light.

CocoCharlie83 - I would never dream of spending every penny on my own children

FFS - why do people NEVER read the thread.

Op has not "spent the money on her own children".

She is using her children's money - the money left to them and them only by the GF - as he stated he wanted it spent, on their education. She is trustee only of their money.

Lets switch it around. If the solicitor was the trustee - would you have stated that the solicitor was immoral for spending the money only on the 2 children named in the will? Why is it different because Op is the trustee?

Such stupid comments on the thread. Op could be prosecuted by her children for giving away their money held in trust!

As for asking them to give their money away at 18 - Op its probably the quickest way to alienate your DC for ever!

To put 2 children through a popular local private primary here is £173,910.

OP is getting a hard time because people know fuck all.

Although 134k is about two private prep school fees not four kids private education.

TBF there are schools and areas of the country where you could just about squeeze 5 and maybe even 7 years of secondary out of that, for 2. There are a few that are 10kish a year or a bit less. Obviously nowhere near enough for 4 and if DF had had 4 GC at the time he made his will, I expect he wouldn't have specified the money be used in this way.

So its the OP's fault the sister is stupid not to understand plain and simple english? How can she not realise that wording such as 'Leaving £XXX to named grandchild A and grandchild B' meant just that? Why should the OP had to re-check that her sister understood the will, written in english?

Where did I say that it was the OPs fault that her sister didn't understand or that she should have re-checked that her sister understood the Will? I'm just making the point that it wasn't just the sister who didn't understand. The OP presumably didn't either or she would have just said that the money was her children's rather than hers so there is no way she can give it to anyone else. Instead she just said that she had spent it.

You legally may not be required to share - it is not the Ops to share!!

End of story. As per my last post, if the solicitor was trustee, would the sister still be demanding the money? I think not.

sollyfromsurrey it was the fathers will. Just because you think it's stupid doesn't make his demands any less. Many people leave nothing to their family at all and donate it to a cat charity. Should they be ignored as well and forced to hand it over to family? No. Because its ILLEGAL.

What a mess OP. The money is your DCs and your DSis needs to understand that. This is not your, or their, fault.

However I can see why she feels wronged. Could you offer a smaller gesture amount to her DCs - possibly £5k or £10k each to put in an ISA to help with Uni fees/house deposit?

SoEverybody I'm in agreement with others that you have a moral obligation towards your sister. Ffs why is there any moral obligation? The father left his money as he wanted, and as per the situation at his time of death. It was his to leave as he chose, and he did that very specifically.

The sister has a beef with her late dad perhaps, but not with the OP. Why should she have to leave anything to her sister's kids, when she could leave it for her own?

I don’t think people are being ridiculous with the remortgaging option. Legally she doesn’t have to do anything (and can’t given it’s not her money) but if she wants to do something for her sister then using her own money rather than trying to pressure the children to give away theirs at 18 or disrupt their schooling feels like a better option.

I’m not saying it’s a financially prudent option- it’s not. The best financial outcome would be to tell the sister to do one. However, not every decision is a financial one and unfortunately she’s now in a position where she will have to weigh up the value of the money versus her relationship with the sister.

As a matter of interest OP are you the only trustee or are the solicitors trustees as well?

Fascinating thread. OP has been on top of things from her first post, in terms of her legal position, her sister's point of view, her correct next steps and considering all options.

In spite of some rather extreme, judgmental, ill-informed or just downright nonsensical posts on her thread, OP seems to have maintained her measured, thoughtful stance.

Best of luck OP. Our old NDN caused a similar situation with his children when he died, which was heart-breaking to watch.

I'm just making the point that it wasn't just the sister who didn't understand. The OP presumably didn't either or she would have just said that the money was her children's rather than hers so there is no way she can give it to anyone else. Instead she just said that she had spent it.

It's quite clear that the OP does understand given she has stated many times that her children were the named beneficiaries.

I can’t believe this thread is almost at the limit with hundreds of unnecessary posts berating the OP for not giving her children’s money to someone else.

Agree with @PowerPantsRule.

Are the rest of you living your lives on the basis that you're going to get a tidy bank roll when a parent dies?

I have a relation that was left over £1m by a close family friend. No one else got anything, even though 'promises' had been made by the friend.

Did anyone go batshit? No, because it was the family friends wish, end of.

sollyfromsurrey No, it's not for the OP to put right what her Dad chose to do with his own money. If the sister wanted the will altered she should have tried to have it done within 2 years of probate, but as the monies were left to minors, the OP couldn't have agreed to a Deed of Variation anyway.

OP, you poor thing, you have my sympathy.

Your sister is being outrageous. Your father chose to leave his estate to fund the education of his grandchildren. The two of them he knew and loved. That was a very generous thing to do.

That your sister changed her mind on whether to have children is down to her. That money belongs to your children. It's neither yours to give away, nor her to claim.

I appreciate your father would have probably included all grandchildren had his death occurred some years later, but he didn't create a provision for that and you sister can just rage at your dad or his solicitor all she likes.
Life isn't fair. I'm so sorry your sister is lashing out at you for something that should have been clesr to her from the start.

Would it help posters who cannot seem to grasp that it's not OP's money to give away if they considered that OP is acting on behalf of her children so they can spend their money how their grandfather intended they should?

That's shit. If I'd have been you I'd have assumed the money went to all grandkid. Looking at the dates your sister had started her family when you were yet to stay paying for your youngest dc to have private education. I couldn't have done that. You've lost a sister.