AIBU to my sister over inheritance?

[LadyDracula]

6 years ago my father died leaving a generous amount to my sister and I (around 35k each) and left a substantial amount (135k) to my two children who are now 14 and 15. It was my fathers wishes for the money to be used towards educating my children as education was something he truly valued, yet at the time my sister and I growing up, he was unable to fulfil.

Fast forward to now, my sister has had 2 children (aged 1 and 3.5). I met up with her for lunch over the weekend for a general catch up and mentioned I have just been buying additional uniform for my Dd14. She said to me that she was looking around local private schools for her son who is due to start school next year and that she wanted to know how much the ‘budget’ was per term or per year. When I asked her what she meant she explained she wanted to know how much money was left for her two children’s education from the inheritance Dad left. When I explained none and that it had been spent (or will be spent over the next few years) on my two dc she went mental and ranted on about how selfish I had been and she had never thought for one second I would spend all of ‘our’ money on my own kids. I was totally blown away and hadn’t for one minute assumed he expected any of the money. My children both attended state primary schools and I only enrolled them at the local private schools for their secondary education. At the time I enrolled my youngest she was only just pregnant with her first child and when Dad left the money in his will he said for X and Y (my kids). My sister was an older first time mother (39) and I suspect my father thought she had chosen a career over a family. I suppose I had that thought too.

My sister left and after ignoring my calls for 2 days has said today that she needs to know my next steps. She went on to explain my best option is to move my children from their current school - including my eldest who is now studying for GCSEs - to a cheaper one and she can have the difference. I told her that won’t be happening and that my children are settled and happy. She then went on that yet again it’s all about my children etc etc.

I have no idea how to make this situation any better and don’t want to lose my relationship with my only sister over this. I am a single mum so there’s no way I could ever afford to subsidise the costs either to appease my sister and give her some money. Equally I do feel awful because I know there’s no way her and her DH could afford to pay for a private education for their children either, and now she feels like her kids have been treated unfairly.

I’m sorry but the money was left for your kids education and they are at an age where it will impact them if you move them. Hand her the will to read but I would not be prioritising two kids who aren’t even in school yet over kids about to hit gcse stage. Simple as that

I find it hard to believe decent sister would actually expect her sister to remortgage or take her children out of their school because of something that wasn't her fault or her doing. It says a lot about her really

Soup you're bang on with this. The Dsis is being hugely entitled and she's the one putting money in front of the relationship, not Op.

To those saying remortgage your house, would you remortgage your house for your siblings kids to go into private school?

This thread is getting bloody ridiculous.
On what planet do people seriously think that the OP could ask for a discount on fees for these kids, because her father wrote his will in the way he did?

I don’t agree with private education, but even I can see that splitting the money even between 2 kids will only just get you 5 years of secondary for 2 kids at an average private school.

The important point here is your Father's wishes as written in his Will. If he left the money to your two children and named them as the beneficiaries of this money then you (or the Trustee of his Will) cannot use it for anything other than those children. It is down to the Trustee to ensure that the wishes of the deceased are carried out and regardless of whether it is fair to your Sisters children or not if they weren't beneficiaries then they have no entitlement to the money. If, however, the Will said that the money was held on Trust for your Father's Grandchildren then you had/have no right to use all of the funds to put your children through private school and your sister is right. The questions that need to be asked are

What did the Will say? Who is the Executor and Trustee of the Will?

I am also slightly surprised that your children dont know about your dad's money paying for their fees. You speak about his values regarding the importance of a good education, but are you transmitting those values to your children?

Where do they think you get the money, as you suggest you live fairly modestly/normally otherwise?

I find it hard to believe decent sister would actually expect her sister to remortgage or take her children out of their school because of something that wasn't her fault or her doing. It says a lot about her really

Agree

@AhNowTed

I think if your sister had children ten years later then it wouldn't have looked so bad. But the fact your sister was pregnant with her first before any of the education money had been spent then it should have been looked at then.

Some MNers are lacking simple comprehension skills.

The OP states extremely clearly that her sister got pregnant just before she enrolled her second, youngest child in private school.

So money had already been spent on her older child’s first year/years at private school.

Read!

I am curious OP, and you don't have to answer of course - what schooling decisions would you have made if your children had been left £ 67,500 for their education?

Well if it were me, I would have left it to pay for University fees and living expenses so that my DC (not that I have any, ha ha) came out of Uni (relatively) debt free which presumably OP's DC won't because all the education money will have gone on earlier years. But hypothesis is a wonderful thing

I agree there are some ignorant post where people are assuming the OP can give money (which doesn’t legally belong to her) to her sister. Or remortgage her house so that she can get into debt to ‘repay’ her sister.

What’s done is done. However, it’s blindingly obvious that this was a fucking stupid thing to write into the will.

The main point for me is, why does the OP think she can ‘make it right’ with her sister. If I were the sister I’d be very hurt and angry at the father primarily, but I would very likely cut contact with the sister who quite happily took advantage of the father’s astonishing poor judgement.

It’s all very bizarre that everyone seems to have sat around and not discussed this til now. It was a ticking time bomb!

OK fair enough, I have read a few hundred messages including the OP's first few and it wasn't clear how tied up the money was. However, when the sister had her children, the unfairness of this money being left to the OP's children and the fact that the OP could not touch it, should have been discussed long before now.

What would you have done if you'd have had another child? Would you have only spent the money on the first 2 dc's education?

What would you do/feel if you were in your sister's position?

What do you think your father would have wanted?

@Cbatothinkofaname

Did you bother to read the thread - at all?

If the education of grandchildren was important to him, he simply needed to write his will in a way which would treat all grandchildren equally. It seems the OP knows this was his intention, but because for reasons best known to himself (presumably either being a nasty piece of work or incredibly ignorant) he wrote his will in a way which has benefited just the 2 grandchildren who were born at that point.

The OP has said her sister DIDNT WANT CHILDREN WHEN THE WILL WAS WRITTEN, so in accordance with that, her father wrote the will that the money would go to his two grandchildren.

I wonder what would have happened if the OP had gone on to have a later 3rd child. Would she have been happy to see one of her own children treated so unequally?

THE OP HAS HAD A HYSTERECTOMY SO NO MORE CHILDREN.

The money was left explicitly to her children, in trust. The OP had no choice but to keep that money for her children!

The Dsis is being hugely entitled and she's the one putting money in front of the relationship, not Op

Ultimately, I agree with this, although I can well understand why the sister feels aggrieved about the way the Will was drafted. It’s an awful situation, one which the DF may well never have wanted. But it is what it is....and not something which the OP can easily resolve.

@throwaway321

Read the thread rather than repeating the same point that posters have been making since page 1.

The OP has stated that she had had a hysterectomy before her father died, so there was zero chance of any dc number 3.

If, however, the Will said that the money was held on Trust for your Father's Grandchildren....

FFS we're on page 9 and people are still asking if the Will specified unnamed GC.
It didn't.
It named the OP's 2 children by name

your df left the money specifically to your dc, as your ds stated she didn't want dc there was no reason at that point for your df to think that might change.
your df left the money to his 2 dgs to be used towards their education, it is unfortunate but it's your dc's money, you've done nothing wrong, and I wouldn't remortgage my house or cha5 my dc's school, it's your df that your ds should be angry with, not you.
you and your ds should maybe go and see the solicitor that delt with your df's will to clear up any blame/show willing to help d's.

All these people who concede that OP is in the right legally, but nonetheless think that morally she should have... stolen half of it from her own children to give to her DSis's. Bizarre.

(and that's even before thinking about the legal consequences of doing so)

LadyDracula please don't ask your DC to hand over the money. This could damage their relationship with their cousins. They might decide not to hand it over, in which case the cousins will be aggrieved.

Or they might do it but resent it massively.

Also, please be very careful when meeting your BIL.
Please don't agree ANYTHING - don't make any promises until after you've seen the solicitor.

Just make it plain that the money is not yours to give, legally. It is your DC's. You are not allowed to give it to them.

OP, you actually sound really nice, and know that morally this isn't right but it's a tough one.

I'm not sure how to solve this but I hope it ends amicably for you

So from your phone call it has been confirmed that you are the trustee of your children's inheritance.

Your father made his will when there were only two grandchildren. When he died his estate was distributed in accordance with his will. You and your sister were treated equally. You each received £35,000.

Your children were named in the will and each left money in trust for their education. It is their money and legally can't be touched for anything else or transferred to anyone else, as I'm sure the solicitor will advise you.

It's just tough shit that your father died before his other grandchildren were born. You say your sister has a copy of the will so she should know the score. She is being very very unreasonable, and trying to guilt trip you very unfairly.

And don't remortgage your house. That is a really bad idea.

actually you can, "all surviving children"

But “all surviving children” means children that are alive at the time the will is read. It doesn’t include children that come along 6 years after the money has been dished out.

plus a discount for paying so far in advance as you pay for all four in one go

Very foolish. Schools go bankrupt. Plus there's not much left of the money.