AIBU to my sister over inheritance?

[LadyDracula]

6 years ago my father died leaving a generous amount to my sister and I (around 35k each) and left a substantial amount (135k) to my two children who are now 14 and 15. It was my fathers wishes for the money to be used towards educating my children as education was something he truly valued, yet at the time my sister and I growing up, he was unable to fulfil.

Fast forward to now, my sister has had 2 children (aged 1 and 3.5). I met up with her for lunch over the weekend for a general catch up and mentioned I have just been buying additional uniform for my Dd14. She said to me that she was looking around local private schools for her son who is due to start school next year and that she wanted to know how much the ‘budget’ was per term or per year. When I asked her what she meant she explained she wanted to know how much money was left for her two children’s education from the inheritance Dad left. When I explained none and that it had been spent (or will be spent over the next few years) on my two dc she went mental and ranted on about how selfish I had been and she had never thought for one second I would spend all of ‘our’ money on my own kids. I was totally blown away and hadn’t for one minute assumed he expected any of the money. My children both attended state primary schools and I only enrolled them at the local private schools for their secondary education. At the time I enrolled my youngest she was only just pregnant with her first child and when Dad left the money in his will he said for X and Y (my kids). My sister was an older first time mother (39) and I suspect my father thought she had chosen a career over a family. I suppose I had that thought too.

My sister left and after ignoring my calls for 2 days has said today that she needs to know my next steps. She went on to explain my best option is to move my children from their current school - including my eldest who is now studying for GCSEs - to a cheaper one and she can have the difference. I told her that won’t be happening and that my children are settled and happy. She then went on that yet again it’s all about my children etc etc.

I have no idea how to make this situation any better and don’t want to lose my relationship with my only sister over this. I am a single mum so there’s no way I could ever afford to subsidise the costs either to appease my sister and give her some money. Equally I do feel awful because I know there’s no way her and her DH could afford to pay for a private education for their children either, and now she feels like her kids have been treated unfairly.

Why is it poor judgement? Is it so unfathomable that he left the money as he wanted to?

What else should have done? Left 35k to Op and Dsis personally, split the 135 down the middle and left half in trust for the GCs specifying that it was for education (tying Ops hands with what she can spend it on) and then given Dsis the other half?

It couldn't just be plonked in trust for potential children the Dsis would have because what would happen if she had none? He couldn't give it to the DSis directly because that's hugely unequal to Op as her (at the time and for the foreseeable future) DSis would have additional money for herself to spend on whatever she wanted. Meanwhile his existing grandchildren wouldn't get as full an education because the money would have ran out a lot faster. That doesn't sound right to me at all.

I don't see how this can be fixed.. if you don't have the money then you simply don't have it but if I was your sister, I'd also be really mad and upset you'd not even thought about holding some back.

I've just had my first baby 6 months ago, she has cousins on both sides who are 18! If someone had only left them money and not even thought of ours then it would upset me. Your dad should have included any future grandchildren.

What if you'd had another? Would you not have used the money for them because they weren't specifically named in the will?

Make no promises to BIL

OP I don't think you have done anything wrong.

The money isn't yours and it isn't your sisters. It was left to your children. The fact it was left for a specific purpose is actually slightly irrelevant in my view.

If your father had given you £X, your sister £X and your 2 children £X, I'm sure your sister would not now be asking your children to give a proportion of their money to her children!

I would very likely cut contact with the sister who quite happily took advantage of the father’s astonishing poor judgement.

He didn’t have “astonishing poor judgement”, he just failed to predict the future. And we are talking about £135k. This will put two kids through private school....which is what he wanted. It wouldn’t put 4 kids through private school. If it had been tied up “for all future grandchildren”, then the outcome the man actually wanted would never have come to pass.

The DF said what he wanted, presumably under solicitor’s advice. He is now dead and those wishes are irrevocable. The OP hasn’t “taken advantage” of anything. It is not her money. It belongs to her children and she can no more give it to someone else than she can give your savings to me.

I actually think no one has acted badly on this.
Ultimately your father made a decision based on the situation at the time.
This has now left a shitstorm for you and sis to deal with.
But personally I would be choosing my kids education over my relationship with my sister and reminding her of why dad made the decision he made.
No one is going to come out of this unscathed.

SherlockSays FFS!!! Hold what back? Her own personal inheritance or her children's money?

You still haven't said what the exact wording was on the will. So until we know we can't make any judgements.

And there are some really ignorant and vitriolic posts on this thread.

If OP had had a third child, the money would still have been held in trust for the education of the first two children only . There would be no way legally to share it.

I would feel bitter if I were on your sisters shoes.

You may not to share the money on a technicality, but I think you know in your heart that your father would have included any grandchildren.

I think that a lot of this is a huge misunderstanding. The sister thought that the money in the Will was for the all the grandchildren's education and didn't realise that it was given to her DN. Rather than telling her actual situation which is that the money is her children's and she can't give it to someone else, OP just said that the money had been spent which made things worse. Hopefully the solicitor can let your sister know the actual situation and the argument will be resolved.

My dfil past away many years before I met dh. At the time most of the estate went to dmil and then some money to each child and then each of the grandchildren got a few thousand to be put in trust. They were each able to pay the deposit on their first homes when the time came using this money.
Dh and I had our dc's 14 years later obviously no money came to them and none was expected ( although dmil was upset over this )
People leave money to those the love and to love someone they need to know them.
It's sad for your dsis but not your fault or problem really and unfair of her to try to make it otherwise.

I've just had my first baby 6 months ago, she has cousins on both sides who are 18! If someone had only left them money and not even thought of ours then it would upset me.

Yours would not have existed! You can't expect someone to account for children that may come along 18 years later.

Cream OP has stated and had confirmed that the her dc are named in the will and the money in a trust for the purposes of education.

Sadly because of the stupidity of done posters making the op feel guilty, she's probably now going to drop herself in it and owe 67k to her sister.

I guess we now known who a lot of the cf threads on here are actually about now though.

AhNowTed But the fact your sister was pregnant with her first before any of the education money had been spent then it should have been looked at then. It couldn't be looked at then if it was two years from date of probate as it was then too late to vary the will. Furthermore, a trust had been set up and it was very clear who the beneficiaries of that trust were, and the money was for the OPs kids only.

The lack of understanding of the law in this thread is horrifying. If the money was left to OPs children, no amount of discussion or preparation from her or DSis could have done anything to change the situation. You don't get to steal money from beneficiaries of a will because they happen to be your kids. End of discussion.

I agree this is a highly unsatisfactory situation, but the time when planning could have assisted with this problem expired when DF did.

On the subject of the hypothetical third child, their education could have been paid for out of the compensation the OP would have received from whoever performed her hysterectomy so poorly.

Oh blimey, what an impossible situation.

Your father specifically left money for your children's education. He had no indication that your sister was interested in starting a family. Therefore, you've spent it/spending it as he intended.

However, once you realised your sister was pregnant and had presumably changed her mind about having a family then I think you should have at least given it some thought as to what would be morally right!
I'm surprised neither of you did if I'm honest.

At the end of the day, your father left that money for your children but you need to be prepared to lose your sister over this.
How do you think she'll always feel knowing your children have potentially been given a better education while hers just go to the local school.
I'd be pissed off if I was her too (and probably quite resentful) but I have no idea what the answer is.

On hindsight, keeping the money for university fees once you knew your sister was pregnant would have been more fair.

Just out of curiosity, how would you feel if the tables were turned? Genuine question.

OP when you see your BIL this afternoon suggest they seek their own legal advice and as PP above said don't make any promises until you've had legal advice.

Your sister has put you in a really shit situation. You have done nothing wrong despite what some of these posters on here are saying. They clearly don't understand how the law works in relation to wills and trusts.

Good luck.

The result is DC1 will inherit at least £300,000 and DC2 nothing from DF’s estate. The trustees can’t just go reallocating it.
I have tried to remedy the inequality in my own Will, with DC1’s agreement, but of course DC2 could be 60 before inheriting. I will ensure DC2 is supported as much as possible of course

If DC1 is in agreement that the will won't morally be fair in hindsight with the subsequent arrival of their sibling, can they not just give £150,000 to their sibling once they (DC1) is an adult? Or if that's still technically not possible, maybe buy/put a lot of money towards a house for their sibling, not charge any rent for it and then leave it/their share to the sibling or sibling's children (if applicable) in their (DC1's) will?

Op you have done nothing wrong. Honestly if your sister falls out over this, it's not your fault. She needs to reread what is stated in the will. Even better, have a solicitor to read it to her! End of. It's not her or her children's money. Your father did what he thought best at the time. It's not your fault your sister misunderstood a legally written document and not your fault that she then went on to have children.

if I was your sister, I'd also be really mad and upset you'd not even thought about holding some back.

Holding some back from what? The money is not hers she cannot hold any back to give to anyone other than the children specifically named in the will and for the specific purpose stated in the will.

As already said, IT'S NOT YOUR MONEY. It was left specifically to your children. It is their money.

You cannot change that.

Your sister is responsible for herself and her own choices. As she didn't contest the Will at the time, or even say "but what if I change my mind and DO have children?" way back then, she has already agreed with the way your dad chose to split his assets. She can't change her mind about it years later and expect you to jump to it.

but I think you know in your heart that your father would have included any grandchildren.

It doesn’t matter. He didn’t....so she can’t do anything about it. Whether she wants to or not. The same would be true if she herself had had a third child.

If the OP were rich, then I agree it would be a nice gesture to give her sis half the money from her own funds for her nephews’ education. But it doesn’t sound like she is rich. So there’s nothing to be done. The sister has misinterpreted a legal document. End of.