DD has a real issue with people eating

[Splattermania]

DD (13) seems to get infuriated by people eating. She constantly comments on the amount of food people eat and uses words such as “greedy” and “pigging out”. If we go to a restaurant she sits there watching other people winding herself up about what she sees as greed and gluttony. She’s had many arguments with DH (not her dad) about the amount of biscuits he eats in one sitting saying it’s “disgusting” and “pure greed”. She seems obsessed. I’ve obviously asked her about it and she ignores the question and instead asks why me and her grandma used to give her grandad and dad “mountains” of food when she was little so I don’t know if it harps back to that??
Last night we were eating dinner and she started making pig noises and when challenged mimicked us by pretending to shovel food in her mouth whilst making snorting and grunting noises. It caused a big argument which ended in her storming out shouting that there is no need for greed. In every other way she’s lovely, polite, doesn’t get into trouble at school etc but becomes a monster around food. She’s a normal weight and doesn’t appear to have an eating disorder btw. Is it work a trip to GP or is she just playing up??

My mum is like this. She’s divorced from my dad but had a long term relationship with a man who was overweight. He was a chef and a complete glutton. Basically ate his way to a heart bypass! They later separated but ever since then she has a real issue with greed.

She’s disgusted by people who eat too much/eat junk food and really, really judges people for it - even complete strangers. It’s hard to listen to to be honest as she is the kindest, sweetest woman in every other way? She also doesn’t have an eating disorder but does eat very healthy and never over eats.

Sorry I know that’s not helpful to your situation but just drawing parallels with your DDs experience of her grandparents. Maybe it triggered something in her?

I would normally advise that every time she is so rude you should impose sanctions, but actually I think this has serious alarm bells for an eating disorder and you will have to be careful not to make it worse if it is.

I would find out if she is like this at school in the first instance. Is she being bullied? Is someone commenting on her eating habits?

I would also be keeping a very close eye on how she eats / reacts to food. Do certain foods make her anxious, is she overly restrictive about certain things etc?

It’s good that she’s a healthy weight, but that isn’t necessarily an indication that she doesn’t suffer from disordered eating. I think you need to try and work out why this is the cause of such an emotional / aggressive response in her.

I think you are right to worry. This is not a normal reaction and at her age, you don't want food to become a thing. It's also extremely rude although I would think there must be some anxiety behind it which is, in a way, more important.

I'd be seeking advice, yes.

She won't have many friends if a group of them goes for pizza and she calls them greedy and makes piggy noises, very disturbing behaviour in a young girl.

It could also be misophonia if it's related to the sound of people eating?

This had to come from somewhere though other than what you’ve said about the grandparents which doesn’t really make sense. I hope you’ve punished her suitably for her behaviour last night. She sounds very rude in that instance and the behaviour sounds problematic definitely.

Are you or your DH overweight? Maybe she's been teased about it in school and is trying to enact a change in that completely inept way teenagers often do.

Alternatively is she over empathising with starvation elsewhere in the world, feeling frustrated that she can't do anything about it directly so is lashing out at what she sees as greed here?

The only thing I think you can do is keep an eye on her eating, make sure she doesn't have an issue with her own intake, and keep trying to have a conversation with her about where this is coming from. Maybe bring it up yourself rather than wait for her to start ranting about it, might be more likely to be a calm conversation when shes not already mid rant

instead asks why me and her grandma used to give her grandad and dad “mountains” of food when she was little so I don’t know if it harps back to that??

You say DH is not her dad, so what has happened to her dad and granddad? Are they still around? Health issues?

Could she be accessing pro-ana or even excessive clean eating accounts on social media? I had friends with EDs who would be rude like this when we were eating.

I'd worry about an eating disorder too. Her reaction is not normal.
I would calmly reinforce that she is being incredibly rude whenever she makes these comments but I'd also watch carefully for signs of eating issues... it really doesn't sound healthy to be so obsessed with what other people eat... to the point of anger! I think it is worth bringing it up with the gp because to make comments like that there must be something going on with her... if not an eating disorder then anxiety

I'm fairly sure my mother has an eating disorder, she is a UK size 0 and always has been, she fits into kids clothes, she eats one meal a day... and she constantly makes comments like you describe, and comments on womens weight.

my DSM has an eating disorder too - though disguised as excessively healthy eating. She's on the extremely slim end of normal so you wouldn't know anything was wrong but her control/obsession is in itself disordered.

Eating disorders go beyond classic anorexia/bulimia - my DSM's food intake is super healthy and on one level, excellent. But in terms of the impact her attitude to food has on others and her own mental wellbeing, it's pretty awful.

So even if DD is eating "well" I wouldn't assume that all is well.

I'd be watching her like a hawk and trying to get to the bottom of what's made her be like this. She's at a dangerous age. However, it's very rude of her to make comments/noises like that and I think it would be reasonable to ask her why she thought that was appropriate behaviour and explore her answers.

I think the insults might be a displacement thing to cover for the fact that she can't bear to see or hear people eating? My daughter has this and behaves like this.
If it's not a sensory issue, it's a bit mystifying.

Misophonia?

My DM has an eating disorder (diagnosed) it can manifest in all sorts of ways. If it was my DD behaving like this I would be sitting and talking to her and visiting the GP

She constantly comments on the amount of food people eat and uses words such as “greedy” and “pigging out”. If we go to a restaurant she sits there watching other people winding herself up about what she sees as greed and gluttony.

ARE the people "pigging out" or are they eating a normal sized meal? Are we talking fast food bargain buckets or decent restaurants?

Last night we were eating dinner and she started making pig noises and when challenged mimicked us by pretending to shovel food in her mouth whilst making snorting and grunting noises. Well this is just downright rude. Do you all have terrible table manners... ? There are some people I simply cannot sit next to, or worst opposite, at a meal. Of my friends I know who to avoid being near at meals - they are oblivious of course. Of my kids' friends there are some i won't let eat in the car, the noise is horrific. (I am super sensitive re eating/breathing/sniffing noises though and know it is my issue, not theirs..)

Are you or your partner overweight? She might be (not so subtly) telling you she wants you to lose weight.

Last night we were eating dinner and she started making pig noises and when challenged mimicked us by pretending to shovel food in her mouth whilst making snorting and grunting noises

I would have found it very, very hard indeed not to get up and slap her hard around the face. That was absolutely disgusting, disrespectful, contemptuous behaviour on her part and I hope you are going to punish her very, very hard for it. Who the fuck does she think she is?

When you say she is a healthy weight, whereabouts in the range of healthy weight does she lie? Is she convinced she is fat? Is she on the slightly plump side, or has she always been a string bean?

If she's one of life's natural skinnies who is an 'eat to live' person, not getting especially excited by food and managing to be satiated by relatively small amounts, then she's very lucky indeed.

But she needs to understand that we don't all have the same metabolism or genes and some people aren't as easily satisfied as others. She sounds arrogant, smug, controlling and insufferable.

And I wouldn't discount the beginnings of an eating disorder just yet.

My parents are both obese, possibly morbidly obese. I am a healthy bmi and body proportion, fat percentage etc is all classed as healthy. I eat healthy meals, whilst also still treating myself to the odd snak and pizza etc. When I see my parents eating, I often think the things your daughter is saying because their portion sizes, the type of food.... It is disgusting.

I think you need to look at yourselves and your food habits and if it's genuinely is healthy, then your daughter may need some help. But if she's correct, and she's growing up in an overweight were people just eat and eat and eat, then she's going about it the wrong way, but maybe it's really affecting her and she is actually upset by it. She still perhaps needs some help, but she might not be wrong.

And yes she could have misophonia. I have it, but I'm only really bothered when people are eating in a loud, sloppy, uncouth way. But misphonia is triggered by the way people eat, and specifically the noise they make. Not by the amount they eat.

This is how i started off with an eating disorder, i used to judge overweight people and think they had no self control and then used to get upset when i thought about all the people who were starving to death in 3rd world countries, how everyone is so obsessed with food. People spending loads of money of eating out etc, everything is about food, and then i decided not me, i wont let food control me, I dont need it, I control what i do, not food.
seems strange writing that down now, but that was my mindset, i would keep an eye on her OP, this screams out an eating disorder to me :(

Chris but even if the OP and her husband are obese and constantly making poor food choices, there are ways of speaking to your parents to raise a genuine concern and then there is just being fucking rude and disrespectful.

When I had an eating disorder I became VERY judgemental of what other people ate. I didn't make noises or anything because the last thing I wanted was to draw attention to my disordered thinking, but I vividly remember being so confused about how people could not gather the self control to not eat past what is comfortable, and to eat junk food. I remember feeling genuinely smug and superior that I could exact this kind of control in my food but they couldn't.

I was probably 15 at the time, but because I got help before things got too serious, I never dropped to a dangerous weight. I was actually quite overweight to start with so to everyone else, it probably appeared as if I was finally looking after myself when I was actually doing the opposite.

Keep an eye on her OP, maybe don't mention anything directly just yet, but be mindful of smaller things like if she leaves food on her plate after meals, if she's going to the toilet straight after a meal, if she's refusing small amounts of junk style food that we wouldn't even think twice about (popcorn at the cinema for example.) Other signs that there could be disordered thinking include angry outbursts, hiding food in her room not to eat, but just to have.

If things don't improve, best to sit her down and have a word. It's not a pleasant situation and I hope it remedies soon.

I would have found it very, very hard indeed not to get up and slap her hard around the face.

Good grief. Showing a child that violence towards a smaller, younger person is OK in your book? That's a much more serious problem than any behaviour OP's child is showing?

Dd with eating disorder exactly the same.it will become internalized when you try to stop it because stopping her and telling her out won't stop the thinking and the thoughts that she's having about it. Therefore she think she needs to keep it in and therefore it will then go rogue on her thoughts and her body and an eating disorder can and very likely will progress and the manifestation of it will be very speedy if she's already having these thoughts. and she will become very ill indeed because it went to started with this it would have started with something hitting her on an emotional level and this is how it's getting out there. Because if it is an eating disorder food is the last thing to come it's a symptom of the emotional un-rest before hand.