DD has a real issue with people eating

[Splattermania]

DD (13) seems to get infuriated by people eating. She constantly comments on the amount of food people eat and uses words such as “greedy” and “pigging out”. If we go to a restaurant she sits there watching other people winding herself up about what she sees as greed and gluttony. She’s had many arguments with DH (not her dad) about the amount of biscuits he eats in one sitting saying it’s “disgusting” and “pure greed”. She seems obsessed. I’ve obviously asked her about it and she ignores the question and instead asks why me and her grandma used to give her grandad and dad “mountains” of food when she was little so I don’t know if it harps back to that??
Last night we were eating dinner and she started making pig noises and when challenged mimicked us by pretending to shovel food in her mouth whilst making snorting and grunting noises. It caused a big argument which ended in her storming out shouting that there is no need for greed. In every other way she’s lovely, polite, doesn’t get into trouble at school etc but becomes a monster around food. She’s a normal weight and doesn’t appear to have an eating disorder btw. Is it work a trip to GP or is she just playing up??

I hate seeing people significantly over eat too. I don't say anything but would avoid those people. I don't have an eating disorder and look slim. Years ago I used to work with an obese woman and couldnt physically eat if she were around because she never ever stopped eating junk food and double food portions. Her greed made me feel sick and nauseous. So I'd eat when I got home.

I would agree with previous posters about seeking advice and keeping a close eye on her. It was a seemingly insignificant comment from a boy at School at this age that made me start restricting my food. Not just that, but it was the straw that broke the camels back.

It screams of disordered thinking about food, which could easily lead to an ED. I was very obsessive about food as a teen and can remember when I was restricting my food I would make myself feel better by judging others. I never did this out loud though. I’m torn as I think you should be pulling her up on the rudeness, but first maybe explore her feelings around food.

She may be eating normally at meal times with you but is she at School?

My daughter doesn't actually care how much I eat but she'll comment that I eat too much just because she's annoyed at the sight and sound of me eating.

Didn't take long for the "if you're a fatty maybe you deserve it" comments to start...

No it's not okay, of course it's not. I didn't say I'd do it - I said I'd find it very hard not to. She is a child, yes, but she's 13 and not 3. she might not be smaller than an adult woman. But that's not the point.

She knows she was rude and offensive. If she goes around making pig noises to people who are eating stuff she doesn't approve of, one day someone will slap her.

It could also be misophonia if it's related to the sound of people eating?
This was my first thought. I've never liked the sound of people chomping, sucking, gulping and chewing their way through food. But it's just an annoyance that I can put up with for the duration of a meal; sometimes I'll start a conversation or rattle my cutlery to cover the sound.
However, I've never thought of the people doing this as greedy or piggy or anything; I know the unpleasant noise is just my problem. So I doubt that's the case here.

I hate eating noises and I know some foods we all make a noise eating but I still can it abide listening to others eat.
Maybe this is something she too has issues over and is finding a different way to show her feelings.

Kirsty, that's why I said she's going about it the wrong way and may still need help. But a different kind of help. If they are overweight and the food is bad/too much then they can't tell her she's wrong. They can focus on the way she's behaving though.

But none of us are there. We don't know what they say or how they eat. I cannot sit near my dad for a meal because he makes so much noise, if someone were to imitate him then they would do the same thing this girl did. So maybe her imitation isn't fake. Maybe it is. We don't know.

Her parents need to look at themselves and be honest about whether or not the girl is correct. It still doesn't excuse he behaviour, but it changes the approach.

Grumpy. I turn music up if I can’t avoid it

Eating disorder or not, no 13 year old would talk to me like this and not face consequences. I’d also be having a word with her about judging others in restaurants.

You do need to get to the bottom of why she is making the comments but there isn’t any excuse for that behaviour.

I have a relative I can't sit near either! It literally puts me off my own food.

It sounds like a very difficult situation, and hard to know whether this is influenced by something at school, or by her own concerns about food and body weight.

I wonder if it might be worth exploring the possibility of an eating disorder further?
The BEAT charity for individuals with eating disorders and their families has some very good information on how to talk about ED with someone, and a helpline you could call to check out whether this might be an early sign of an ED.

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/recovery-information/worried-about-friend

But the point here is that she is very much focused on WHAT they eat and the 'mountains' of food that people have - not the noise they make when they eat. The OP has been quite clear about that. There may be some misphonia as well, but it's not the main issue.

You've got two potential issues here. She could just be exceptionally rude and seized on an issue she knows will push your buttons. If you can be sure it's this, the behaviour needs to be punished (absolutely not through food sanctions, when she's food focused anyway this could cause other issues).

There is also the chance, as others have pointed out, that this is an early sign of disordered eating. It might be worth you speaking to a professional in this area - DD doesn't have to go with you, but you may need some expert advice in case this is what you're dealing with.

yepp sounds like a Eating disorder

This sounds worrying to me and possible the start of a lifelong eating disorder and tortured relationship with food. For her sake, you really need to tackle this now, before it is entrenched.

She sounds exactly like my MIL, who I think has had a lifelong eating disorder. Her anger and judgement at people for overeating and being overweight is vastly out of proportion. She has dedicated her life to rigorous control over her own eating, prioritising it above anything of worth. I wouldn't wish this on anyone and have been very careful on any influence she could have on my daughters - fortunately she is deeply selfish and would never put herself out to see them so I have been able to limit contact quite easily.

This attitude to food and eating is toxic and I would suggest a trip to the GP or a referral to a counsellor before she is on a lifelong path to misery.

You've got two potential issues here. She could just be exceptionally rude and seized on an issue she knows will push your buttons.

There is also the chance, as others have pointed out, that this is an early sign of disordered eating.

Of a third issue, which is that she is exceptionally rude AND has early signs of an ED. Either way there is no excuse for that sort of rudeness to her parents. an ED doesn't excuse it.

Is it that she doesn’t like being around people eating? I can’t bear listening to people eat, and I remember it being especially bad at that age - I ended up having to eat in a different room at mealtimes. It could be that she is trying to explain that to you in a misguided way.

I used to get very irritated by the sound of people eating as a child/teen (still do now but not as much) so that’s my first thought here? She is being very rude though. It could potentially be the start of an eating disorder, I would probably seek professional advice.

Hmmmnnnnn...I'm a bit judgey about the way some people eat, and I don't have an eating disorder. If she's a normal weight and eats normally maybe she just thinks some people eat too much? I manage to keep my mouth shut and just not look at people stuffing their faces though

Just tell her she's being rude. Which she is.

I lived with a girl in my 20's who was like this.She used to get into a massive rage when I cooked a meal for myself and my boyfriend , my now husband.I remember her coming into the kitchen standing in front of us shouting about how 'disgusting' we were. These were large portions for him to be sure as he was involved in sport a big way. She used to check the fridge and comment on the food that myself and the other girls bought . She turned out to have a massive eating disorder which she unfortunately did not survive.

I think you need to sit down when your both calm and have a serious discussion about A) why this bothers her so much
B) how it makes other people feel
And C) what she would like you to do to help her. She will get probably mad but you have to remain calm

Eating disorder alarm bells would be ringing in my head especially of this is a new and sudden change.

I have misophonia and for me it does manifest like this. When I hear people eating loudly - or for certain people, at all - I do have thoughts that they're like animals and it repulses me. However, that is very much my issue and I have never said it out loud, despite having it since 14 or so. I find ways to remove myself from the situation or add some background noise.

I would have found it very, very hard indeed not to get up and slap her hard around the face. That was absolutely disgusting, disrespectful, contemptuous behaviour on her part

She needs to be careful because at some point someone, especially a fellow pupil, is going to over hear her and she is at great risk of being given a slap from them.

Very very rude but I would say definitely too invested in other people which I think could be a way of deflecting from her own eating habits

I do have thoughts that they're like animals and it repulses me. However, that is very much my issue and I have never said it out loud

Me too and neither have I. Except once or twice to my own DC when they were younger, but it's my teach my children table manners and not to tolerate them eating like pigs at a trough.

I wouldn't dream of saying it to anyone else. And I only have an issue with people who really are sloppy and noisy. It's not even most people, jus the occasional worst offender I really can't stomach.