DD has a real issue with people eating

[Splattermania]

DD (13) seems to get infuriated by people eating. She constantly comments on the amount of food people eat and uses words such as “greedy” and “pigging out”. If we go to a restaurant she sits there watching other people winding herself up about what she sees as greed and gluttony. She’s had many arguments with DH (not her dad) about the amount of biscuits he eats in one sitting saying it’s “disgusting” and “pure greed”. She seems obsessed. I’ve obviously asked her about it and she ignores the question and instead asks why me and her grandma used to give her grandad and dad “mountains” of food when she was little so I don’t know if it harps back to that??
Last night we were eating dinner and she started making pig noises and when challenged mimicked us by pretending to shovel food in her mouth whilst making snorting and grunting noises. It caused a big argument which ended in her storming out shouting that there is no need for greed. In every other way she’s lovely, polite, doesn’t get into trouble at school etc but becomes a monster around food. She’s a normal weight and doesn’t appear to have an eating disorder btw. Is it work a trip to GP or is she just playing up??

I have issues with the sound of people eating. Someone was eating a bowl of bloody muesli down the phone the other day and I was inwardly fuming about how disgusting and rude it was and could they not wait until they had to slurp down the phone
I was worse when I was a teenager

The rudeness is obviously unacceptable, but at her age it is likely to be borne out of a worry she has for you and your health, and by extension her own health.

This is what you need to talk about- and clearly she wants to talk about it because she is asking you.

Has anyone in your daughter's life died or been seriously ill (heart attack etc) and it was due in part to their weight?

She's being so rude, I would punish her quite harshly for the sheer rudeness.

I have to say though, I actually feel repulsed when watching obese people stuff themselves. I'm not really slim or anything, but when I am in a restaurant, I hate to see morbidly obese people eating mountains of unhealthy food. I wonder if it's because I'm from a family where all my aunts and cousins are hugely fat and the way they eat crisps and chocolate all day just seems so disgusting to me, and then the "oh is dieting again she will be like a rake" used to infuriate me, it's not a diet, it's just not being a pig!

Why is it just fat people eating that seems to be so disgusting to people on this thread? Why are you even paying so much attention to what other people eat in the first place?

I'm another one thinking your dd is scared that you and your husband being overweight could lead to health issues. Could a friends parent have had heart attack and it's scared her? Also reference to over feeing of her father/grand father, were they ill due to being over weight? We do have a serious problem in this country with obesity, she isn't being very polite but she does have a point.

@TrendyNorthLondonTeen

Because obesity is bad. People who are a healthy size do not over eat (in general, obviously not accounting for the hidden disease of an eating disorder). Seeing a healthy sized parent eat a biscuit isn't upsetting because it doesn't bring up the thoughts of "that's another artery getting clogged" but watching your overweight or obese parents eating piles of biscuits is very upsetting, and that upset and anxiety can develop into a feeling of disgust.

The thing is, having someone watch you whenever you eat and make comments isn’t just unpleasant - it’s oppressive and a form of bullying. If a husband were to do it, a load of people would say he was abusive. It doesn’t stop being abusive just because it’s someone’a daughter doing it.

I wonder whether the daughter is under the impression that making pig noises will encourage her family to lose weight? If so then it really isn’t going to work - giving fat people a hard time quite often results in them getting fatter, not thinner.

Is she acting out and being rude because she hates the sound of people eating but doesn't know how to articulate it so is being rude to try and stop people eating?

Is she scared that she is going to become overweight? And this is the start of an ED?

Is she scared that if you and her DSF is overweight that shes going to lose you both? What is she being exposed to online?

CruCru, it was be abusive for an adult to do it because as adults, we know that those actions actually have the opposite effect from what we want. But a child can't necessarily figure that out. And maybe doesn't have the emotional maturity to realise that even if her feelings are legitimate, she has no right to express them in such a disgusting way.

It needs a talk from parents - a calm one - to get her to understand that making her point in that manner is out of order.

She either has an eating disorder or is sick of you and/or herself being fat, or possibly both. My DH is fat and his greed makes me really angry. If a slim person ate the same food it wouldn’t bother me.

Beginning of anorexia nervosa?

@TrendyNorthLondonTeen I find it most frustrating when obese people are stuffing their faces because I work in the NHS and it bugs me a bit that we have bariatric chairs, beds lifts double the size and cost of a normal one.

@TrendyNorthLondonTeen I can't even see who is eating down the phone! Size 6 or 26, I don't care but the noise gives me immense rage

Not excusing her rude behaviour, that needs addressing, but you do need to start a dialogue with her about what's really bothering her. My money (if she's normal weight & eating appropriately) is on she's concerned for your health.

MrMakersFartyParty

So you have a problem with obese people eating.

"I can't even see who is eating down the phone! Size 6 or 26, I don't care but the noise gives me immense rage"

Then my comment was not aimed at you. I'm talking about those that can barely hide their contempt when a gasp fat person dares eat in their line of vision. None of you would bat an eyelid at a "healthy weight" (sigh) person getting tore into a bargain bucket.

@Oliversmumsarmy no... I just don't like to see them over eating mountains of junk food.

That is a sure fire way to make others paranoid about their eating. What if she triggers something else in another family member - sibling or cousin etc? My sister was like this as a teen, and had anorexia then bulimia. I was the main target, constant comments on how much or how or what I ate. My mother did nothing and in fact criticised me too, yes I was a bit overweight - anxiety and depression in my case led to comfort eating.
I have always hated my body since.
I hate eating in front of people, and if I have to, eat very little.

She told me I disgusted her, too, frankly mental illness is no excuse for being so nasty. It's hugely affected my own mental health.
As the pp said, it will be affecting any siblings. OP, please come down hard on this. I would definitely suspect an ED and get her help, too, but don't let it be an excuse for bullying others.

I get the rage when I hear people eat and if it is particularly sloppy eating I will be saying to myself, disgusting pig, animal. I have to be careful not to sneer at them. It is only noisy eaters though. Nothing to do with weight or the amount. I never say anything out loud. Try to move away but sometimes not possible. Had a working lunch recently and one guy was eating with mouth open and smacking his lips. I wanted to pick up my plate and smash it into his face, which is obviously an extreme reaction. I realise that I have misophonia and it is extreme debilitating, and has got worse during menopause. I feel the same about people typing. Not everybody, but people who thump unnecessarily. Again I have the unspoken dialogue running in my head....fucking muppet, typing like a moron.

I seem to spend a lot of time with a noise reducing app on my phone and headphones in.

I think your DD might be a fellow sufferer. She is letting it out, most people keep the dialogue internal.

I can't believe how many people on this thread have focused straight away on what a poor ickle anorexic she might be rather than what a rude, out of order little madam she so obviously is!

This is because OP confirmed that in all other respects she is a polite and pleasant child. If she was rude, aggressive and unpleasant in other ways I would accept that she’s a stroppy madam who needs to learn to behave. But for an otherwise nice child to exhibit such an aggressive and emotional response in relation to food/eating only is, I think, a huge red flag for an eating disorder. And if that is the case, she has an illness which won’t be helped by being told off.

Sorry to ask but I think it is relevant- is anyone in the family overweight?

Does she eat ok herself or is she extremely conscious and controlled about it?

@Sarcelle I'm exactly the same. I remember my dad bollocking me over being "stupid" but it made me physically angry and also feel sick

Have either of you suffered health problems as a result of your weight recently? Maybe she has anxiety over your health problems and this is how it manifests. Or it may have started out as an attempt to address you issue without doing it directly (e.g. by commenting on others) but eventually resulted in hercalling your greedy piggies out of frustration.