DD has a real issue with people eating

[Splattermania]

DD (13) seems to get infuriated by people eating. She constantly comments on the amount of food people eat and uses words such as “greedy” and “pigging out”. If we go to a restaurant she sits there watching other people winding herself up about what she sees as greed and gluttony. She’s had many arguments with DH (not her dad) about the amount of biscuits he eats in one sitting saying it’s “disgusting” and “pure greed”. She seems obsessed. I’ve obviously asked her about it and she ignores the question and instead asks why me and her grandma used to give her grandad and dad “mountains” of food when she was little so I don’t know if it harps back to that??
Last night we were eating dinner and she started making pig noises and when challenged mimicked us by pretending to shovel food in her mouth whilst making snorting and grunting noises. It caused a big argument which ended in her storming out shouting that there is no need for greed. In every other way she’s lovely, polite, doesn’t get into trouble at school etc but becomes a monster around food. She’s a normal weight and doesn’t appear to have an eating disorder btw. Is it work a trip to GP or is she just playing up??

I too suffer from unreasonable rage in the presence of other people eating, both the sound, smell and sight can drive me mad. I used to create a diversion in order to get sent away from the table when I was younger. My behaviour then would have been as bad as your DDs. Once, I even tried to stab my brother when he purposely ate noisily in my face to wind me up! Now I understand my reactions I make sure I don't eat in quiet places, my and my DH eat at home in front of the TV, and it's much better.
I suggest you sit down with her when she is calm and more open to talk. Ask her why she felt the need to behave in that way, what was it that made her so angry. Is she worried about your weight? Is she driven to a rage at the sound of others eating? Then try to find a solution.

I have been bulimic most of my life, I watching people eat and hate eating in front of people and yet I have managed for 16 years to not make pig noises or criticise other people’s choices. I think the priority here should be sorting her attitude problem

She's issues with others eating - how does she eat herself?

The rudeness is stemming from whatever her disgusted manifests from. You see plenty of the same rudeness on here. You see it any time posters on here write about other people eating in a way they don't like. Be it because the eater is obese, or eating things the poster has hangups about, or eating in places they poster disprove of as an eating place). Those eating are described by the poster as something like stuffing, gorging, ramming, pigging (and the such like).

If she’s controlling about her own food it sounds like Orthorexia to me.

I'd like to bet she doesn't comment like this to her friends when they're eating - as she knows she'd have no friends.

People who are extremely rude tend to be very selective with their rudeness. They won't do it where they won't get away with it or there'll be consequences for their behaviour.

Your DD has contempt for you all and even if she does have an eating disorder there's just no excuse for unacceptable behaviour.

I'm sure someone will come along soon enough and say you must surely be greedy if she's commenting..and then start going in about BMI, bringing in facts and figures as per

But even if someone is overweight, why speak to them like that? I know people who are overweight, I bet most of us do, I don't comment and make noises ffs where did your DD learn that behaviour, actually?

I notice some in thread who've explained they had an eating disorder in the past - none have said they openly scorned and mocked people in vocal fashion.

I hope it all gets sorted out

I know many other posters have said it but my first thought on reading your post was that it’s related to misophonia.

So what is your portion control then if you and DH are both overweight? Or if it’s not the size of portions that you have problem with, is it what you eat?
She’s beyond rude of course, but as other pointed out it sounds like a beginning of something not good.

is your husband overweight?

She did mention that you and the grandma both served mountains of food. Maybe she has been affected by unusual portion sizes and has noticed that it's not normal.

I think you might need to see a therapist not a GP . They might be able to help you manage this .

Op, I'm not meaning to sound rude at all but how overweight are you and your dh? (You day you are both overweight)

Is she making a terribly clumsy point?

Is she getting made fun of at school?

Is she trying to shame you? Is she scared you'll both be gone in a few years?

How overweight are you as mum and dad?

I ask this as my gran brought me up and she was huge - it never embarrassed me at all but comments were made and other kids can be cruel.

Maybe it's not people eating she has an issue with - maybe it's you as her parents?

The rudeness is completely unacceptable, you're right to not tolerate that.

However, you do need to find a way to figure out WHY she feels like this. Pps have suggested numerous possibilities.

I'd like to add to the voices of those that ED are NOT just evidenced by an unhealthy weight (in either direction, I personally think it's woefully under recognised in the overweight that their issues are rooted in mental health causes - and I'm a fatty myself!)

Any weight loss might not happen immediately or at all. I know people who've suffered from bulimia who were a "healthy" weight throughout.

It's the emotional relationship with food that defines if there's a disorder.

She may also be afraid of losing you/her stepdad if they're close to conditions related to being overweight and is clumsily expressing that.

My (very slim but eats loads - high metabolism due to disability) dd was talking to me the other day about her friend who is very overweight. Dd was saying she "couldn't understand" her friend not overtly wanting to do something about it yet clearly unhappy with her appearance.

At one point she said something like "I'm never going to let myself get fat" I reminded her that at her age I was actually slimmer than her, told her I'd had similar thoughts, was "determined" never to get fat "like my mum" (my mum was only about a size 14 and has always been fit with loads of stamina)

I asked her how she'd feel if she suddenly had to massively reduce how much she ate of her favourite foods, up her exercise (she has to do certain ones/a certain amount as physio for her condition and HATES it) and couldn't wear the clothes she likes. Hopefully she'll have more empathy for her friend now.

I also reminded her that in our family the women ARE very slim UNTIL about a year after first baby they start gaining (I have my own theories on why). It can creep up on you, it doesn't happen overnight.

Your dds attitude to both food AND people she perceives as "greedy" DOES need to be seriously addressed.

My dd in commenting on her friend at NO POINT devalued her based on her weight, she's concerned for her friends happiness and health.

Tbh I would be concerned I'd gone wrong as a parent if she were seeing people as "lesser" because of their weight/eating habits.

That's not a nice attitude to have at all.

I don’t think it’smisophonia - she can’t hear other people, on other tables, eating in restaurants surely. And the OP said she and her husband are overweight but we don’t know to what degree. They are not necessarily obese. We don’t know that the strangers she criticises in restaurants are obese either.

More excuses for fat shaming again. It is of no ones business how much an individual eats - especially not a stranger in a restaurant and especially not on the day so if a child. It is totally unacceptable and judgemental- but as it's fat people then no one gives a shit because they are the new scapegoats for everything.

No, I'm not overweight, not that it matters. Overweight people work, earn and contribute to taxes the same as slim people. Many slim people I know have habits and lifestyles that mean they are a burden on the NHS, but they are not judged for that and yet it is constantly open season on the overweight.

Even if the OPs daughter is concerned about her parents health, at 13 she should be aware of the right way to approach it without sounding like a horrible, judgemental little bitch.

dont think anyone is saying that at all. the dd is clearly struggling and the parent is asking for advice.

my advice is find out why she is acting this way - there could be any number of reasons but if she is watching her dad stuff a packet of biscuits down she clearly isnt liking it and maybe needs to be heard by someone - if not the parents then someone independent. gp or teacher maybe.
could be rudeness
could be worry
could be an eating disorder in the making
find out is my advice.

It sounds like you’ve all got eating disorders. Parents overeating and daughter food intake conscious. Clearly all linked

Calling a 13 year old a horrible little bitch seems a bit excessive.

Yes her behaviour is very rude, but it clearly has its roots in distress of some kind. Calling her names is stooping to her level.

Is it worth reflecting upon your approach to food and aiming to be healthy but not food obsessed with healthy portions so that everyone is strong and healthy

@porridgeoat there's absolutely no evidence that the OP herself has an eating disorder

Its very odd behaviour....i had an eating disorder and never did this. I did think i was better than everyone else though.

I’m sort of with your dd, but it rude with it.

I can’t stand people who pile there plates sky high woth food or eat abnormally large portions.

If I go to an all you can eat restaurant I have to have a table in a corner somewhere, however at the same time if I eat at a restaurant and order a meal and it comes larger than expected it instantly puts me of the meal.

I went to an Italian restaurant the other week with work and got a chicken dish with caprese asparagus and a side of posh bread...

I ended up with 2 gigantic chicken breasts, 14 spears of asparagus caprese and a whole loaf of (garlic, rosemary and Parmesan) posh bread...

I was instantly put off and couldn’t eat the meal.

You need to get to the bottom of it, and address her rudeness.

As my food issue is my issue and that of no one else’s. I don’t have a eating disorder however really really dislike large meals.

Last night we were eating dinner and she started making pig noises and when challenged mimicked us by pretending to shovel food in her mouth whilst making snorting and grunting noises

And then it caused an argument so she could stomp off to her room, presumably avoiding eating her whole meal?
She obviously has issues with you both being overweight and, as a teenager, is hormonal, stroppy, over opinionated and always right. Is she on instagram? Following skinny people? I know as a teen girl me and my friends were always obsessed about our weight, maybe someone has commented about her parents being overweight so she feels embarrassed so is taking it out on you-not right at all-have you actually sat her down and had a calm chat about why she feels this about people eating?

The excusing on here is unacceptable. She’s 13 and old enough to know she is hurting feelings of the people she is meant to love.

I was anorexic and spent far too many months in 2 different eating disorder units. We were aged from 10 to 18 years. I can’t think of anyone with an eating disorder who would dream of behaving this way and one unit also had a special programme for overweight children alongside underweight ones.

It doesn't matter what the OPs portions are, you shouldn't comment on other peoples plate sizes etc. Internally judge perphaps but never call them a pig to their face and make noises.

She wouldn't be going out with so called mates for the forseeable future, or using the internet or having any tech in my house if she did that, regardless of my size

she maybe is disgusted at what her parents eat?

i was disgusted at what mine drank, gambled, and smoked.

maybe she has a point.

maybe watching them has caused the extreme reaction to food?

im playing devils advocate.

she needs to speak to someone she trusts and someone needs to find out whats really going on with her. her outburst wasnt normal. its clearly affecting her. eating disorder in the making.