DD has a real issue with people eating

[Splattermania]

DD (13) seems to get infuriated by people eating. She constantly comments on the amount of food people eat and uses words such as “greedy” and “pigging out”. If we go to a restaurant she sits there watching other people winding herself up about what she sees as greed and gluttony. She’s had many arguments with DH (not her dad) about the amount of biscuits he eats in one sitting saying it’s “disgusting” and “pure greed”. She seems obsessed. I’ve obviously asked her about it and she ignores the question and instead asks why me and her grandma used to give her grandad and dad “mountains” of food when she was little so I don’t know if it harps back to that??
Last night we were eating dinner and she started making pig noises and when challenged mimicked us by pretending to shovel food in her mouth whilst making snorting and grunting noises. It caused a big argument which ended in her storming out shouting that there is no need for greed. In every other way she’s lovely, polite, doesn’t get into trouble at school etc but becomes a monster around food. She’s a normal weight and doesn’t appear to have an eating disorder btw. Is it work a trip to GP or is she just playing up??

my job to teach them

It certainly sounds like a disordered relationship with food, but she is also being exceptionally rude.

I think I would try to stay calm, and either point out that you are eating a normal meal, or just say it is rude to comment on other people's food, and point out that she is trying to hurt them in an unkind way. Then I'd probably use whatever penalty you would use if she otherwise insulted you.

I would keep an eye on her eating though.

This rings all sorts of ED alarms for me, too. I've had EDs for most of my life, to varying degrees, and when I'm particularly unwell I get am horribly judgmental about other people's eating habits. It's like a morbid fascination - it's disgusting and captivating at the same time. I don't think I was ever quite so rude about it though!

Definitely have a chat about why it upsets her so much. It isn't healthy to be so bothered by what other people are eating (especially if it's objectively pretty normal). Be careful though, try not to make her feel ashamed or embarrassed - you want to be able to talk about this stuff, not to (inadvertently) drive her to secrecy.

Meanwhile this a first post under an interesting user name and the OP doesn't seem to be engaging with anyone even though the thread is now 3 pages long.

Are you coming back OP?

I’ve been overweight and watching people who are obese with their plates piles high really turns my stomach. But I’m not rude about it.
My mother used to be overweight and is now 8.5 stone and she is absolutely rude about fat people. I refuse to eat in front of her and I’m not even overweight.
Her attitude is disgusting and I’d start calling her out on her behaviour and start punishing her every time she is rude about it.

Sounds like the beginning of an ED. I had bulimia and Anorexia from the age of 11 after one boy at school made a comment and then my body starting changing (hips, breasts etc) I got curvier in all the right places but I constantly compared myself to my friends, thank god we didn't have instagram & fbook back then I would be a wreck.

This thread seriously shows how many people have a really disordered relationship with food. So many of you have feelings of disgust, anxiety and repulsion. It’s such a serious issue, and for women especially

I think there are a few separate issues here. The first is that she makes pig noises while other people are eating. At five I would be very cross but at 13 it is completely inexcusable. If she does it to people outside the family (I’m thinking of girls her age) they are likely to either go right off her or pick up her issues around food.

The second is her perception of “greedy”. You haven’t said whether she dislikes fat people, only large quantities of food. If she does have an issue with overweight people, life is going to be hard for her. Rightly or wrongly, there are fat people in the UK. Someone upthread said that they won’t eat in the office because they find the sight of a fat person eating so disgusting - I bet that colleague has picked up on this.

The third is that she spoils nice occasions. She may not like going to restaurants where people eat huge buckets of fried chicken. However a nice restaurant should be a treat, not a trial.

I have known young women with eating disorders - they wouldn’t have acted like this. In fact they did whatever they could to avoid drawing attention to their eating. A couple loved to see others eat but didn’t eat themselves.

My Mil is like this, obsessed by people's weight and always comments on family members have put loads of weight on or lost weight. Then when you see them expecting them to be like a house side they look the same as when you last saw them. She once called me a fat thing when one of my coat buttons came off at her house even though the coat wasn't too tight and that wasn't the cause. Ironically she is now a large lady from years of being sedentary no matter how much we try and encourage her to get out etc. But she still is over invested and very judgy about everyone else's weight

Misophonia?

It could also be misophonia if it's related to the sound of people eating?

DD1 has always been like that. she looks pained when anyone makes any eating noise! Shes thin and very slim but other than that do seek help with this one OP, it ain't normal:(

This is very interesting. I have questions, but I’m waiting to see whether the OP returns.

I've suffered (& fuck me, it really IS suffering and way worse than I suspect those who haven't suffered would understand) with an ED and here are my thoughts - she's either incredibly rude or has an ED (or a bit of both though latter doesn't excuse the former).

I'd tread very carefully if I were you though OP whilst at the same time making clear that - irrespective of what's driving it - she cannot impose that level of personal insult. That said, thinking from a ED therapy view point (as an experienced patient that is - I'm def not a therapist so making that clear!) I can't help but wonder if those insults are her way of managing her own disgust with food as your post is both ringing alarm bells generally but also reminding me of how savage the preoccupation with other people's eating was when I was in the grips of an horrific ED.

To put it another way, every single person I've ever know with an ED has been disgusted by food one or another; literally repulsed by it, so whenever anyone demonstrates that disgust (in whatever way) I am acutely aware that they likely have some issue with food.

Please do all you can now to try and bottom this as if it is an ED, the earlier it's caught and treated the better the outcome. I speak as someone who still suffers with legacy of it and I wish wish wish someone had intervened and helped me way earlier on. Good luck

Do you and your DH serve very big portions? Not excusing her rudeness but being given portions much bigger than you want/can eat can be very stressful. If the portions are normal, then as PP have said I'd worry this was ED type thinking.

I do think it worryingly sounds like the start of disordered eating. My mum has an unhealthy relationship with food, yo-yo dieting and binging. She gets quite worked up about what other people eat, not so much us, but her friends. She will mock them and say horrible things about them. It's awful behaviour and it comes from insecurity. I'd nip this in the bud right now.

Beyond that, it's also just incredibly rude behaviour. You need to focus as well on the fact that it's incredible poor manners to comment on other people's appearance or eating. I would be absolutely shocked to hear a child talking like that about other people. So a serious conversation about the rudeness and some consequences if it keeps happening also sound in order, in addition to helping her to sort out any issues she might have herself with food (which doesn't excuse the rudeness but needs to be addressed along with it).

I would have found it very, very hard indeed not to get up and slap her hard around the face. That was absolutely disgusting, disrespectful, contemptuous behaviour on her part

Yes, and hitting people for annoying you is definitely modelling respectful behaviour, is definitely modelling how to be in control of yourself and your emotions, and is definitely modelling pro-social behaviour. Anyone hitting someone hard for 'dissing them' definitely has profound self awareness. Just ask any gang member. You should totes take this approach OP. Respect.

My god she sounds like a horrible little bitch.

Thank God! I was beginning to think it was just me! I can't believe how many people on this thread have focused straight away on what a poor ickle anorexic she might be rather than what a rude, out of order little madam she so obviously is!

Oh dear. Another one who is missing the point totally. I said I'd find it hard not to slap her face. I didn't say I would slap her face. But someone will, one day, if she keeps this up.

'Meanwhile this a first post under an interesting user name and the OP doesn't seem to be engaging with anyone even though the thread is now 3 pages long.'

'Are you coming back OP?'

Why the fuck do some posters write shit like this? It's been less than TWO HOURS since OP started thread FFS Please stop as shit like that can alienate someone from their thread (seen it over and over) right when they need support. Are you coming back OP ? might be appropriate if they don't come back today but after 90mins?? Get a grip.

How bloody rude is she ?!

First of all I find this incredibly rude of her.
Eating disorder or not - this behaviour needs to be stopped immediately.
Too many people on here are saying "Oh no, poor thing, she might have an eating disorder so be careful what you say" etc.
No - the rude behaviour stops now - it's just the same as rude comments about others' clothes, hair, appearance, personality.
It simply isn't acceptable to sit at the table making pig noises and mimicking people eating.
That is a sure fire way to make others paranoid about their eating. What if she triggers something else in another family member - sibling or cousin etc?

Sort this out first - consequences in place etc. Don't know why your DH is tolerating her commenting on how many biscuits he is eating.

Then consider whether there may be the beginnings of an eating disorder at play here. Gp visit.

Agree with SophiaLovesSummer

I have a daughter the same age and it would really worry me that she was brewing an eating disorder.

It's really not normal to be obsessed to that point with what other people are eating. I'd be watching her like a hawk and reinforcing the point that it is of no consequence to her what other people eat. And have a healthy attitude to food in general - nothing to excess, everything in moderation, not cutting out food groups.

(And ignore the people who are bound to pile in shortly saying that everyone eats far too much and one lettuce leaf on a Ryvita keeps them going for a fortnight).