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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH should be able to take time out to care for sick child?

174 replies

Toughtips · 28/01/2019 20:36

DD isn't well. Don't know what's wrong but something is going off.

Im a month into new job, he's been at his for 3yr.

He said no when I asked if he'd mind taking the day off with her tomorrow as I've got some more training to do and want to make a good impression whilst I'm on probation.

He said no and that his jobs more important and he earns X amount a year.

I feel so annoyed that he won't help me out. He doesn't see my full time job important because I earn significantlt less a year than him.

OP posts:
FlagFish · 28/01/2019 20:36

YANBU

Passthepigs · 28/01/2019 20:38

YANBU. You should take it in turns.

We usually look at our schedules and try to decide who is best to take that day off.

Otterses · 28/01/2019 20:38

I'm sorry OP, but what an absolute twat he's being Shock I'm astounded he thinks like that.

He should split time off with the kids 50/50 with you, as most couples do.

WetWipesGoInTheBin · 28/01/2019 20:38

Your DH is a prized a-hole.

It isn't a given whoever is the higher earning person in a couple will be the same one in 10 years time.

Next time if you leave before your husband walk out of the house and leave your(plural) sick child with him, then don't answer your phone.

Tutlefru · 28/01/2019 20:38

YANBU!

Original poster
Toughtips · 28/01/2019 20:40

I just really thought he'd help me out seeing as me being absent at work in such a fragile time when your new would be a no brainer.

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityyhat · 28/01/2019 20:42

Yanbu. He's an arse.

museumum · 28/01/2019 20:42

Is he her father? If do you don’t “ask if he’d mind” or consider it “helping you out”. It’s his turn!
If he’s not her father then it’d be nice if he would help if you’re living as a family and frankly I’d be reconsidering living as a family if he’s not willing.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 28/01/2019 20:42

He’s legally entitled to 5 family days so he should take the time off.

He’s being a prick

HavelockVetinari · 28/01/2019 20:43

ShockAngry

What a knob! Is he the child's parent? Yes? Then it's his EQUAL responsibility to care for her. It is illegal for an employer to discriminate based on caring responsibilities for a sick child, if he feels his employer is breaking the law then please encourage him to phone ACAS.

If he comes up with any bollocks about it being somehow more difficult for men please tell him to fuck right off, and that it's attitudes like his that are holding women back in the workplace.

FWIW, DH is in an extremely senior role, yet somehow he manages to split time off with DS 50/50 because he loves me and DS and understands that my career is just as important as his.

coconutpie · 28/01/2019 20:43

YANBU! He needs to be a parent, he is not "helping" you by doing his equal share of parenting. Leave tomorrow before him and tell him DD is his responsibility for the day.

arethereanyleftatall · 28/01/2019 20:43

I'm with your dh here, opposite to all the above replies. I do think if one person earns significantly (although you don't say that, I'm just presuming) more than the other, it just makes practical financial sense as a couple that the one earning less stays home; especially if for both your work places you have to take it as unpaid. As you're starting out, as a one off, he should do it, but I do t think generally it should be 50/50.

Stompythedinosaur · 28/01/2019 20:44

He in helping you out, he has as much responsibility to look after a sick child as you do!

He obviously should take the time off when you are so new.

I hope you are going to go back and talk to him, to be clear he has to take half all sick days off, starting with this one.

Porridgeoat · 28/01/2019 20:44

Challenge him about this

BambooB · 28/01/2019 20:45

He's a dick. Can't be assed caring for his own child.

Nicknacky · 28/01/2019 20:45

Surely this situation was discussed when you were going back to work?

Lollypop701 · 28/01/2019 20:46

He will have to support both of you on one wage when you don’t make it through probation. Is this what he wants? A sick child is never ideal but he has more flexibility so he needs to man up

bibbitybobbityyhat · 28/01/2019 20:47

If you have children and both have full time jobs (or even just jobs where you are expected in every day) and there are two parents, then the parents need to divide their days off to look after sick kids equally.

This should be written as a sticky on Mumsnet, in bold letters on the packet of every condoms sold, be a vow in marriage and civil partnership ceremonies, be part of all employment terms and conditions, taught in schools, hung on banners from the lamp posts, mentioned between the bongs on the 10 o clock news and at the beginning and end of every R4 shipping forecast ... until men bloody get it!

Stringofpearls · 28/01/2019 20:47

Its not to help you out, it's to help his child out, who is just as much his responsibility.

umberellaonesie · 28/01/2019 20:49

You need to change your language, he us not helping you out by looking after your dd. It is his child he is equally responsible for her.
He is being an arse, get up early and leave before him for work so he h as no choice but to care for his daughter.

Sexnotgender · 28/01/2019 20:51

He’s not ‘helping you out’, it’s called being a parent.

He needs to buck his ideas up because currently he’s being a knob.

PinkGin24 · 28/01/2019 20:51

YABU. This doesn't sound like this is about 'taking turns'.... you asked him, not because you took time off last time she was sick, but just because you are on probation. His job is still equally as important

Longdistance · 28/01/2019 20:51

That’s really shocking of him.

My dh worked from home today as dd7 was unwell. His job’s more flexible in the sense that he doesn’t physically need to be in the office.
There’s no ‘I earn more than you’. That’s truly shocking. Especially as you’re new in your job and trying to make a career for yourself.

Purpleartichoke · 28/01/2019 20:51

He is not “helping you out”. Two parents working full-time means two parents who have to share child care responsibilities.

In our family, care defaults to me because we have chosen for me to work part-time. Even then, DH has to cover sick days or doctors appointments from time to time. I
Can cover more of them, but not all.

cheeseandcrackers · 28/01/2019 20:51

How much he earns is irrelevant (unless he has to take it unpaid I suppose). If you lost your job it would have a much bigger impact on the household finances than an inconvenient day off for him.
DH & I share according to who has the most important meetings etc. on that day

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