should he not leave when i visit?

[getawayslough]

i visit an old childhood friend when i go home a few times a year and her bf who i hardly know always just sits in the room, it makes it really awkward for me to have banter with my mate and relax with him there. He even takes over the convo often and starts chattingh bout himself etc when im clearly there to see her.Would it not be common courtesy to leave when a friend visits? He makes it so awkward, he doesn't know me or most of the ppl that we'd be chatting about so i don't know why he even stays in the room.

There’s two ways to do this...

• Meet her somewhere else, or invite her to yours, so it’s just the two of you.
• When you go to here, accept that he is there, and actually have some polite chat with him. It is his house too.

TBF, though, my BF would hang around for a cuppa, some pleasantries, and then go upstairs, or have arranged to go out with a mate. He likes almost all of my pals, but they’re mostly MY pals, not OURS.

"I certainly have no interest in choosing my friends just on the basis of them being female.

What the actual FUCK are you on about?

Not a SINGLE poster has said that on here."

Yes, they have. They have explained that they either want to have a 'girly chat' or leave the men to 'blokey conversations' or 'lad banter'. They absolutely have been explaining their decisions based on wanting to not have someone of the opposite sex in the room.
Obviously, I now know this is not OP's issue.

"No-one is agreeing with you on this thread. Let it go FFS."

I find that attitude really horrible and verging on bullying. For one thing it's not true that nobody has agreed with me. Quite a few have said that they would not send their partner out of the room or that they would stay to socialise with their partner's friends. With the 'let it go', are you saying that I should no longer take part in the conversation because my opinion is not the majority's. This is a discussion thread, not a dictatorship.

I got bored of this thread as the OP wouldn't answer why they couldn't meet up somewhere neutral. It appears 100 odd messages along they still haven't!! I hate threads like this where the OP only vaguely responses and drip feeds info!

@newnameforthis7 - how rude! A lot of us have said like @Gwenhwyfar that our DHs/partners and friends all mix in. Why are you getting so over-excited and nasty? It doesn't seem like an emotive issue to me.

OP - just answer why you don't meet her for a walk / pub as so many of us asked? That isn't affected by being male or female, both sexes walk or go to pubs.

Next drip prediction - she's severely disabled and can't leave the house easily / she's heavily pregnant or caring for their newborn. You read it here first!

I got bored of this thread as the OP wouldn't answer why they couldn't meet up somewhere neutral. It appears 100 odd messages along they still haven't!! I hate threads like this where the OP only vaguely responses and drip feeds info!

Just wasted reading 8 pages to come to this conclusion. OP - any reason why you are ignoring this?

I can see both sides.

You only get to know someone by spending time with them.

But I still made my husband sod off with my friend's husband when they visited so I could have a proper catch up with her.

When men post and point out they are a man they get grief now we are giving grief for not saying, it's no win

You sound quite rude and arrogant towards this man, OP. Fancy that you talk about "common courtesy". Your attitude could also lose you a friend as her partner is more important to her than you are, and people generally hate when others are unpleasant towards their partners/spouses.

What you could do is to have some quality time with her, just 2 of you, going for a drink, and then convening at theirs for dinner, or you could invite them both for a meal afterwards and pay for it. That way you'll talk about everything private and interesting with her alone, but without slighting her man, and have some more general, friendly talk with him later when the 3 of you eat.
But sitting at their place, possibly expecting a dinner (instead of spending some money yourself on a visit) and begrudging her man being there is just not on. Be nice, spend some time and money.

thecats youforced your DH and your friend's DH out the house together, so you could catch up? We're they even friends? Did they want to be shoved together out the door? I think that's poor behaviour frankly.

If friend and DH come over, surely one des a group thing? If gfs want to do a private catch-up isn't the onus on them to take themselves off somewhere to do that, or choose a night when DH is already out so you have the house to yourselves? Can't OP simply make that plan to join them for dinner or something when her dp is due to go out after, so they have the house to themselves for a little while?

I don't get why this is so hard or why anyone has to order anyone out of their own house.

I don't think the gender matters at all. The same thing has happened to me with a friend who is lesbian. I think I'm meeting friend for a coffee and she always brings her wife. Now I don't dislike wife at all, in fact I like her, and I look forward to catching up with her at friends+partners type events. But sometimes it's nice to just talk one on one with an old friend.