AIBU to be upset/angry at older man complaining about children in restaurant.

[Wakingwillow]

Just that really. This is my first post but I've been a long time fan of AIBU. We're visiting the UK for a family event.
We're a family of 6, four kids age 11, 9 and 15 mth twins. Staying in a chain family friendly hotel for the weekend. Extended family here also.
After activities today everyone was tired so we decided to have a group family meal in the hotel restaurant. Total 7 children and 8 adults. 5 of the older children (age 8 to 11) sat at a table together next to us. All were very well behaved stayed seated, coloured pages and chatted. The twins sat with adults and made usual toddler noises but nothing too disruptive imo. We had items to keep them entertained and also took them out to lobby area several times.
We arrived at 6pm but due to under staffing there was a delay taking orders and getting food to the table. Kids were served food about 7.20 pm. Adults at 8 ish. (That needs another thread 😐)
After the toddlers had eaten my husband and I took them upstairs cleaned them up, got their pj's on then went back down with them to eat our own meal.
Just as we started eating an older man came over to our table and said that we had ruined his and his wifes night with all our noise.
I really didn't know what to say. I felt an array of emotions, embarrased, upset and finally annoyed/angry. We apologised for the toddlers being disruptive, explained there had been a long delay in them getting food and said we were doing our best to keep them occupied. I also asked him what else could we do, they had to eat to which he responded they should be feed in the room.
I'm so surprised and upset by this. I've never had this happen before and I'm usually very considerate of other diners when we're out as I'm quite shy and don't like to draw attention.
This has really upset me.
I'm just wondering what others have done / would have done in this situation.

The guy is totally unreasonable but I suspect the noise wasn't just the toddlers, large group meals can sound very loud and unruly if you are sitting having a quiet meal alone or with one other - my heart sink when I see a table laid for 8+ when I have booked a table, it's not them unreasonable it's just it's boisterous compared to small groups.

The guy was unreasonable though, he should have complained to management though as it was a direct consequence of slow service.

Ps we have a lovely local (not cheap) restaurant that bans under 12's and groups of over 6 unless you book their private back room - big groups are noisy.

I don't think yabu to be angry and upset, but I don't think he necessarily was either.

I agree with what other posters say about parents not always realising how loud their children are. This was brought home to me when I met a more senior colleagues for lunch at a restaurant. There was a couple of us and then her and her toddler. He was really loud, loud enough we couldn't really have a conversation, but she didn't blink an eyelid. I thought it was because intervening would make him louder and she was trying to manage it by strategic ignoring. After fifteen minutes the manager comes over and asks if the toddler can be quietened down as other customers are complainin. Colleague was incensed: that's ridiculous he wasn't being that loud, and appealing to us - he wasn't being that loud, was he? But the thing is, he really really was. She left saying she was going complain to the restaurant, and I genuinely don't think she could hear him. But the rest of us agreed afterwards that he had drowned out all conversation. I'm not surprised people complained.

Slightly off tangent, but do people here think it's ok to take 10-13 year olds out to 'proper' restaurants on a Sat night? i.e. Italian, indian, gastro pubs etc? We've always done wagamamas etc on a Sat night but now DCs are older we would like to widen the repertoire. Kids obvs well behaved, talking quietly, no screens, but I wonder if it would be unreasonable on the basis of restaurants on a Sat night being 'adult' spaces, somewhere people go to avoid kids?

Some older people do get grouchier and generally less tolerant of kids, tbh. I don't think it's ageist to say that, and I think the cries of ageism are ridiculous. Age IS often relevant - AIBU to be upset my DS farted in my face - well the answers are going to be different if he is say 9 months or 19, aren't they?

Of course it is origami

Go where you want.

He should be complaining to the hotel, not you. And the hotel should be telling you if there is a problem they would like you to address.

But as you are staying there it is reasonable for the whole party to eat in the restaurant and the delay on the food was awful!

origami, yes, I think it's a very good experience for young adults to learn how to behave in proper restaurant.

OP nobody on here can judge this. Some parents of kids who begave terribly minimise it and say their kids were just being kids - you could be one of those. Or maybe the man was out of order and expected total silence. We were not there, so don't know.
Also I would be asking myself about the volume of noise from the adults as well and not assuming he meant the kids.

To be honest if they don't know how to behave at 10 and 13 I'd be worried.

Learning how to behave in a restaurant isn't rocket science. You sit, you eat, you don't burp, fart, hit your brother or sister or talk loudly. Job done

Eva Staff rarely tell parents to keep their kids quieter because the families who are most likely to do this, are also those who seem keen to kick up a fuss on social media and call for boycotts. Its just not worth staff confronting.

My dad is in his late 70's. He constantly tells my children to be quiet when they are only making normal noise. I think his tolerance has gone to be honest. He wasn't like it when I was a child. I'm in my 40's and frequently ate in restaurants as a child - just because some posters parents didn't take them / their children doesn't mean that loads of us
were. It was a pretty normal bit of my upbringing.

15 People isn't a family meal it's a crowd

A group this size tends to be noisy unless everyone makes an effort to be quieter. Adults tend to talk much more loudly so the whole group can hear them. And if adults are louder, kids tend to be too. I doubt this was just about the kids. It was probably that as a group you were loud. If it was just the kids, he would have said that. Adults can be very noisy as well you know.

it's not really fair to be mean to him. When he grew up you never took children to a restaurant. He is of a different age.
I actively avoid any family friendly restaurant as I don't want to be bothered with young children now I'm nearly 60.
I do think though if he wanted to go child free they should have gone somewhere that did not cater for children.

Where doesn't cater for children that is not mega expensive? I cant think of anywhere I live that does not welcome children unless it is over £50 a head or the type of place that is really selling drink first with food to soak it up.

You are so ageist OP.

With such a bad attitude my guess is your kids were being rowdy.

“ When he grew up you never took children to a restaurant”

Blimey-how old was he? 197?

The restaurant were very unreasonable to feed kids at 7.20 from arrival at 6pm. I would have been complaining from 6.30pm (though mine is younger and eats at 5pm). You were unreasonable not to make sure the little kids at least got fed earlier. Not that it would necessarily have made them quiet; at 7 months each my friend's DD and my DS both started making what sounded like baby dinosaur noises loudly at each other and cackling with laughter. We'd just started eating lunch and they couldn't be distracted by toys nor persuaded to stop (moved to facing away they just got even louder). We apologised to everyone near us and waiting staff and guzzled our food to get out; luckily all seemed to be finding it very funny, but it's really hard to know what to do when you know it's unreasonable but just can't get a kid to be quiet. I think people only tolerated it because the babies were laughing at each other's noises too.

Whether you were all too loud or not is impossible to know. Some kids make nice noise playing and chatting, others pierce eardrums. The same can be said of drunk groups. Large groups of teenage girls have the annoying attention-seeking high pitch that annoys me most but I'd go elsewhere rather than upset their night. If he wanted you so to be quieter then he should have complained to a waiter, or if he really had to then to you, but during the meal. It's no good just being nasty saying somebody ruined the meal, you ask them to be quieter before it's at the point of being ruined. So on that basis he was unreasonable anyway.

Hope you had a nice trip!

it's not really fair to be mean to him. When he grew up you never took children to a restaurant. He is of a different age.

Not sure I agree with this. If he was in his 70s then homosexuality will have been illegal when he grew up. Doesn’t mean it’s fine for him to be rude to gay people. Plus it’s terribly patronising to older people to assume that they’re incapable of adjusting to any social change that takes places between when they are 20 and when they are 70!

That said OP - as many PPs have said it’s impossible for us to judge. Lots of parents are immune to their children’s noise. Large groups of adults in restaurants tend to be noisy, let alone groups of adults plus toddlers who’ve waited hours to be fed! It does depend on the character of the restaurant too.

so kids during the 70s/80s/90s never went to restaurants - reeeeeeeeeeeeally?

I bet if it had been a group of middle aged business men having a boozy dinner and making more noise than your children, he wouldn't have said a word to them.

I think it all comes down to individual people how they care for other people around them.
Family friendly place is usually very affordable and nice place to eat for many.
If the family with children can be more conscious about the effect of their possible noise, and other people can be more tolerant of others' difficulty(who are actually doing their best to minimize the disruption), it will be not be so bad.

Tbh, sitting near a large family party including toddlers would probably ruin my meal too. And if he was seated before you it may not have been possible for him to move. But I would NEVER be so rude as to approach the family and complain. The restaurant staff should have considered where to place you when they saw the size and make up of your party.

YANBU.