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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be upset/angry at older man complaining about children in restaurant.

431 replies

Wakingwillow · 26/01/2019 22:52

Just that really. This is my first post but I've been a long time fan of AIBU. We're visiting the UK for a family event.
We're a family of 6, four kids age 11, 9 and 15 mth twins. Staying in a chain family friendly hotel for the weekend. Extended family here also.
After activities today everyone was tired so we decided to have a group family meal in the hotel restaurant. Total 7 children and 8 adults. 5 of the older children (age 8 to 11) sat at a table together next to us. All were very well behaved stayed seated, coloured pages and chatted. The twins sat with adults and made usual toddler noises but nothing too disruptive imo. We had items to keep them entertained and also took them out to lobby area several times.
We arrived at 6pm but due to under staffing there was a delay taking orders and getting food to the table. Kids were served food about 7.20 pm. Adults at 8 ish. (That needs another thread 😐)
After the toddlers had eaten my husband and I took them upstairs cleaned them up, got their pj's on then went back down with them to eat our own meal.
Just as we started eating an older man came over to our table and said that we had ruined his and his wifes night with all our noise.
I really didn't know what to say. I felt an array of emotions, embarrased, upset and finally annoyed/angry. We apologised for the toddlers being disruptive, explained there had been a long delay in them getting food and said we were doing our best to keep them occupied. I also asked him what else could we do, they had to eat to which he responded they should be feed in the room.
I'm so surprised and upset by this. I've never had this happen before and I'm usually very considerate of other diners when we're out as I'm quite shy and don't like to draw attention.
This has really upset me.
I'm just wondering what others have done / would have done in this situation.

OP posts:
Laalmiss3 · 26/01/2019 23:30

Tell him to mind his own!! You can't predict when a restaurant will serve you, nevermind an understaffed one. You tried your best to feed your kids and we're probably stressed enough!! You don't need an idiot making you feel more uncomfortable and stressed than you already felt, given the delay!! Hate it when you try and do your best and you get people judging you. I've tried feeding a toddler in a hotel room and it didn't go well!! What a mess! Much easier to have them all sat around a table like you would at home. I know you will feel a mixture of emotions but really try not to give him much thought. At the end of the day your kids were hungry, you fed them and I bet they didn't even make any noise! X

Jaxhog · 26/01/2019 23:32

The twins sat with adults and made usual toddler noises but nothing too disruptive imo.
Have you thought that you might be much more tolerant of your own kids noise. Kids seated at a table on their own can be much more disruptive in my experience. I once had a sunday lunch spolied by kids sat by themselves on a table between us and their parents., with no apparent supervision. They weren't screaming exactly, but were shouting to each other loudly. Unlike everyone else in the restaurant. They were also running around and bumping into tables, including ours. We were too polite to complain, but imagine if that was that man's wife's birthday dinner. Be more tolerant please. Not everyone loves your kids.

Original poster
Wakingwillow · 26/01/2019 23:33

SparkleSurprise haha puncuation oops.Blush

OP posts:
rookiemere · 26/01/2019 23:33

I have to admit that I inwardly stifle a slight groan if I see a big party with young children out for dinner. When DS was younger we took him to family friendly places and also had dinner early. In this case your dinner was a lot later than expected which wasn't your fault at all, but I bet the man was pleased when he saw the DCs being led away, the. disappointed when they reappeared.

We stayed at a family friendly hotel this summer. Table next to us had 3 DDs under 6 it looked like. Meals were actually quite painful being near them with shrieking and banging and arguing which magically stopped when the iPad finally came out so they could watchPeppa Pig. Was delighted that they left a couple of days into our stay. It's sometimes hard to be aware of how much noise you're making because you're used to it.

Having said that though big parties of adults in a restaurant can often make more noise.

SingingTunelessly · 26/01/2019 23:34

A party of 8 adults and 7 children are going to be noisy. No idea if he was being unreasonable as to the amount of noise you were making but I’d have asked to move table as soon as you arrived tbh. Grin

ninjawarriorsocks · 26/01/2019 23:35

Also the older kids were brined 😄 I am now imagining your kids as a jar of pickles OP

Yes don’t worry and enjoy the rest of your trip.
My dad is in his 70s and was complaining about the baby singing group in the local library!! Hmm

Hotterthanahotthing · 26/01/2019 23:36

I'm late 50s too and took out dd out for meals since she was weeks old .If she cried one of us would take her out until she was quiet and by the time she was a toddler she (almost)knew how to behave.
We had only one complaint ina French Restaurant,we were at the back and she stood up in her push chair ,looked over the back and eyeballed a couple behind us Inthe corner.After half an hour they complained.
We only knew because the owner gave us free wine,told us about it because they had been asked to leave.The suspicion was that they were having a lunchtime liaison but it was ruined by dd giving them the eye.
I am however horrified (not about you OP)that parents allow their children to run around restaurants,even in family friendly ones you expect basic manners.

Original poster
Wakingwillow · 26/01/2019 23:36

Gid I'm clearly too tired to formulate sentences properlyBlush. Off to bed for me.

OP posts:
cadburyegg · 26/01/2019 23:41

YANBU. You were in a family friendly restaurant not the bloody Ritz. We went to an apparently family friendly pub after a christening once, it was all prebooked and they knew the amount of people / kids coming. No high chairs and they seated us right next to the kitchen door. DS1 who was then about the age of your toddler twins, was getting fed up of waiting for food because the wait was over an hour and so I got up to take him outside. The owner of the pub moaned at me because I HAD to walk past the kitchen door, there was no other way out. FFS. Maybe don’t seat young families next to it then, provide high chairs and serve food on time. Hmm

WhatASmashingBlouse · 26/01/2019 23:42

Regardless of weather the children/your party were making more noise than you realised, it was incredibly rude of the man to come up to you and complain about it! I would have told him to jog on. If he had a issue he should have spoken with the waiting staff or managers.

BertrandRussell · 26/01/2019 23:49

I would have been on your side absolutely- if you and others had not been so ageist.

Italiangreyhound · 26/01/2019 23:58

As you get older your tolerance for noise seems to get worse (mine has) and likewise for kids! Even though one of mine is still quite young.

That's maybe why he felt cross BUT he was incredibly rude to speak to you like that. Please ignore him.

DuffBeer · 27/01/2019 00:01

Ageist? I don't see how the OP has shown any discrimination towards this gentleman, other than to give an estimation of his age. At 70, he is an 'older' man after all!

Iloveautumnleaves · 27/01/2019 00:05

I hope you’re asleep already!

I expect that you were quite loud, just because there were so many of you. However, that’s different to being ‘overly’ loud or allowing the children to shout & scream.

It’s a family friendly chain of hotels, not some exclusive restaurant.

My mum is in her ‘70’s, she needs hearing aids or she can’t chat to anyone at the table, but they amplify the background noise loads too, (then she speaks loudly and without a flying fig what she says any more, that’s a WHOLE other thread 😖😂). Maybe he has hearing issues too?

He was rude though, so just ignore it.

Don’t give it another thought & I hope you enjoy the rest of your trip.

echt · 27/01/2019 00:06

It's because his age is irrelevant in this context.

IncrediblySadToo · 27/01/2019 00:08

Bertie can’t you find another drum to bang? This one is getting really tedious. You’re getting older, I’m getting older, we’re ALL getting older. There’s really no need to be so bloody sensitive about it.

MidniteScribbler · 27/01/2019 00:08

A group that large is always going to be noisy. People will raise their voice to talk to someone at the other end of the table, children raise their voice to be heard over the adults, and people at other tables have to talk louder to be heard over the large group, which means the large group then raise their voice even more. And every person in that restaurant will then say 'we weren't being noisy, it was everyone else'.

blue25 · 27/01/2019 00:12

I wouldn't have wanted to sit near a group with that many children. It does affect the whole atmosphere.

I assume the children were actually being noisy, or else why would he have complained?

WithAllIntenseAndPurposes · 27/01/2019 00:14

I had this with a miserable pair tutting and shaking their head at my 18 month old crying in Bella Italia because I wouldn't let him play with the pizza cutter

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 27/01/2019 00:15

I'm not old and would probably have cheered when the OP and her extended family left and then wept when they reappeared in their pyjamas.
I think we all know that 5 kids were not sitting quietly like mini Stepfords.
Whether or not their right to be noisy trump's the other customer's is a moot point.
What definitely isn't a moot point is that the other customer's age is no more relevant to this charming tale of everyday folk than what fucking colour the toddlers' pyjamas were.

zzzzz · 27/01/2019 00:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 27/01/2019 00:25

Totally different scenario, but we were out for dinner this evening, and a massive party came in, 29 people, clearly all a bit boozy, and wearing Christmas hats. We left after our main courses because our expectation of the evening (quiet meal in small-ish restaurant) and the reality (unable to hear one another) were totally different, and we knew we wouldn’t enjoy staying any longer. We would never have said anything though!

MargueritaPink · 27/01/2019 00:35

Bertie can’t you find another drum to bang? This one is getting really tedious

The casual ageism on MN is very tedious. Like Bertrand I would have had sympathy but for that, although I very much doubt the table of 8-11 year olds was quite as well behaved.

I'd also be surprised that the after the toddlers had eaten that you took them upstairs and brought them back down again. If I had been in your group one of the adults would have had to draw the short straw of staying in the room with the toddlers.

faw2009 · 27/01/2019 00:41

A grumpy man was muttering and grumbling about our kids in a cafe as soon as they arrived, saying he hadn't come out for a quiet coffee on a Saturday to have it disturbed by noisy kids. My OH told him he better f--- off out of the cafe then!

(My OH hardly ever swears. It was out of earshot of the kids. This cafe is family friendly and rammed with kids on the weekend.).

Sorry OP for your experience. Don't mull over it anymore!!!

5foot5 · 27/01/2019 01:12

The thing that strikes me most about this is that it is described as a family friendly hotel and yet it is clearly anything but. They arrived at 6pm and didn't get any food until 7:20pm. That is totally unacceptable,

Maybe the older man seemed unreasonably grumpy but perhaps he was already pissed off by the truly dire service from this hotel.