AIBU to be upset/angry at older man complaining about children in restaurant.

[Wakingwillow]

Just that really. This is my first post but I've been a long time fan of AIBU. We're visiting the UK for a family event.
We're a family of 6, four kids age 11, 9 and 15 mth twins. Staying in a chain family friendly hotel for the weekend. Extended family here also.
After activities today everyone was tired so we decided to have a group family meal in the hotel restaurant. Total 7 children and 8 adults. 5 of the older children (age 8 to 11) sat at a table together next to us. All were very well behaved stayed seated, coloured pages and chatted. The twins sat with adults and made usual toddler noises but nothing too disruptive imo. We had items to keep them entertained and also took them out to lobby area several times.
We arrived at 6pm but due to under staffing there was a delay taking orders and getting food to the table. Kids were served food about 7.20 pm. Adults at 8 ish. (That needs another thread 😐)
After the toddlers had eaten my husband and I took them upstairs cleaned them up, got their pj's on then went back down with them to eat our own meal.
Just as we started eating an older man came over to our table and said that we had ruined his and his wifes night with all our noise.
I really didn't know what to say. I felt an array of emotions, embarrased, upset and finally annoyed/angry. We apologised for the toddlers being disruptive, explained there had been a long delay in them getting food and said we were doing our best to keep them occupied. I also asked him what else could we do, they had to eat to which he responded they should be feed in the room.
I'm so surprised and upset by this. I've never had this happen before and I'm usually very considerate of other diners when we're out as I'm quite shy and don't like to draw attention.
This has really upset me.
I'm just wondering what others have done / would have done in this situation.

Large party groups in December running up to Christmas is one thing, & a good restaurant would prolly only accept pre-booked menu-selected groups. No intimate dinners or walk-ins.

But January, FFS.
I’d want my money back.

I think the only ones who know how noisy are those in tge restaurant with you, we can all pick sides but no one knows really.

I think it's quite unusual for people to complain in the UK, we are known for putting up with things. So for someone to bother to complain to you they were at the end of their tether about something. Maybe they had a log wait too and were agitated by that and your group was the final straw or maybe something else.

I have my doubts your group was quiet but without knowing how noisy the restaurant was how close the older man was it's impossible to ascertain fault.

Move on but be conscious of your affect on others and all will be fine

I think one of you should have taken the toddlers up to the room when you knew it was a long wait, and have the food sent up to you. There's no need to keep toddlers in a restaurant that length of time, it's unfair on other diners. Toddlers are noisy, no matter what you do to entertain them. People want to eat in peace.

I think you taking them up to the room then bringing them down again (in pjs) so you and DH could eat was the last straw for the older man. He would have breathed a sigh of relief when they went upstairs, finally able to enjoy dinner with his wife, only for you all to return so you and DH could eat together! Why didn't you or DH stay in the room and have your food brought up??

We travelled a lot when our DD was between 1 and 2, we often packaged our food halfway through a meal and took it up to our room because she was noisy or restless. There's no need to disturb a whole restaurant just because you want to eat at the table together.

I’m curious as to why the parents enjoyment seems more important than the elderly man? He was out for a nice meal that was ruined by loud and tired kids who shouldn’t have been in the restaurant that late. He was perfectly entitled to let her know her family ruined his meal, that he had to pay for.

Because she ordered a meal two hours earlier and still hadn't got it? The old man should've complained to the hotel and when complaints keep coming in then maybe they would better staff the restaurant to avoid this? I would've expected to order at six and be out be 7 in these circumstances,

My OH told him he better f--- off out of the cafe then!

Real catch you've got there

I salute Bertrand for continually calling out the ageism on MN. Would the OP have mentioned if the man were black?

Shame on you lot who've gone along with the ageism, too.

“People despise kids in this country, don't they?”

Well, judging by this thread they don’t. They dispise old people!

I think if you are in that type of restaurant you should expect some child noise but on saying that, I would have taken toddlers back to the room to wait if the wait for food was that long with parents playing tag to get some time with the group downstairs.

Ha, I am "forrin", but I can totally see the both pov. It's hard to keep noise down when you have lots of children in the party. And I can totally understand someone can get annoyed by it.
It's all come down to the personality of the people there, doesn't it?
It's nothing to do with British or non British. Or how old the person was.

I think the man was rude however I do think parents are unaware of how noisy their own children are. Last week we went for dinner for my mums birthday and it was really spoiled by a noisy family. They had 3 young children and would probably say that their had brought colouring etc for the kids to do, which was evident. But they were still shrieking and talking loudly over each other whilst doing the colouring.

They left half way through our main courses and we were quite relieved as the difference in noise level was amazing. Parents were quite oblivious to how much they were disturbing other diners.

My sympathy is with the man I'm afraid. The noise must have been bad if he felt he needed to complain. I think you probably are unaware of how loud it was OP and have become immune to it. So I can see how you feel aggrieved too. Children on a separate table, toddlers making noise, everyone hungry because the food was late. I suspect it was a right pain in the arse for him. Just because somewhere is family friendly it does not mean that noise from children is the norm.

I don't think OP did anything wrong.
But assuming her toddlers were loud.... what was she supposed to do to prevent? Ditch rest of her family & order room service when she found out about the long wait?

Presumably OP was approached b/c it was her twins who made the racket, not the older 5 kids who upset the guy. Do all families with 2 toddlers need to plan to eat in the room in case they might upset random strangers (who themselves could have walked out of the restaurant to avoid 'Other People'). Pah.

It IS bloody ageist, and it's unacceptable.

Ignore the horrible old man.
Ignore the horrible black man.
Ignore the horrible deaf man.
Ignore the horrible gay man.

Someone needs to keep on banging this fucking drum until everybody hears it and pays attention.

I dont know who was in the wrong as noise is subjective. Something I have noticed with my nan though is even though she loves children since her hearing has gone in one ear she can't cope with the noise of them all chattering. She isn't nasty to them but the sound upsets her as she finds it hard to concentrate on what anyone else is saying. She's the same in busy places. Don't let him get to you though.

I bet his wife was cross with him op, grumpy so and so

I’m not sure it is ageism to point out the fact he was old - as a parent of a special needs child, for example, I can hand on heart say that the vast majority of negative comments I have ever had about ds (who has autism) are from older people. That’s a fact. I’m not saying that just to be ageist and horrid for the sake of it. I do think older people often have different attitudes to children making noise. Seen and not heard and all that....

I think in all fairness the ops children probably were making a bit of noise - what table of 8-11 year olds wouldn’t - and a pair of very young twins, but that’s just a normal part of life with children - and in a family friendly restaurant people have to expect that. There are lots of other places to go aimed more at adults if people are that bothered by a bit of noise.

People are so intolerant of others nowadays.

ragged, I don't think Op did anything wrong. But I also think the man did anything wrong, other than complaining directly to OP and made her feel bad. He had a bad time, and had to say that, which is understandable. I don't think anyone was wrong here, it's just unfortunate circumstances.

OP can be positive. Yes, there are factors she cannot prevent, but be more aware in the future. I think a lot of people would feel supportive of parents who are trying to do their best.

Nobody has asked where the OP is from. I think this is relevant because some nationalities Americans do have a louder normal volume than Brits. So what was a normal noise level to you could be unacceptably loud here.

Ah don't worry, I was once told all babies and toddlers should be fed in private. I had an old lady appalled that I bottle fed my quiet baby in public after some milk squirted out the bottle onto her Gucci handbag. Before anyone comments, the bag was waterproof and there was no need to have it professionally cleaned lol.

Even if the kids were too noisy for him then I still think he was wrong to say anything. Unless they were properly screaming and running round and I believe the OP that they weren't.

I was in a child friendly establishment yesterday having lunch. It's overrun with kids at the weekend and the kids are excited to see their friends and they're all talking at once and none of them seem to have a volume control. I don't like it but accept that if I choose to have lunch there I have to put up with it. None of the kids are mine btw, just to clarify. I go in the adult only area to try and keep as far away as possible but the noise still travels.

eurochick, but it's not really a point here, is it? It could have been group of students or work mates or family group without children in the party, etc. Any group of people can be noisy enough to annoy anyone.

Meh just ignore miserable farts

People despise kids in this country, don't they?

I don't think it's that, I think that there are huge differences of opinion in what is acceptable and what is not acceptable with regards to how children behave.