AIBU to be upset/angry at older man complaining about children in restaurant.

[Wakingwillow]

Just that really. This is my first post but I've been a long time fan of AIBU. We're visiting the UK for a family event.
We're a family of 6, four kids age 11, 9 and 15 mth twins. Staying in a chain family friendly hotel for the weekend. Extended family here also.
After activities today everyone was tired so we decided to have a group family meal in the hotel restaurant. Total 7 children and 8 adults. 5 of the older children (age 8 to 11) sat at a table together next to us. All were very well behaved stayed seated, coloured pages and chatted. The twins sat with adults and made usual toddler noises but nothing too disruptive imo. We had items to keep them entertained and also took them out to lobby area several times.
We arrived at 6pm but due to under staffing there was a delay taking orders and getting food to the table. Kids were served food about 7.20 pm. Adults at 8 ish. (That needs another thread 😐)
After the toddlers had eaten my husband and I took them upstairs cleaned them up, got their pj's on then went back down with them to eat our own meal.
Just as we started eating an older man came over to our table and said that we had ruined his and his wifes night with all our noise.
I really didn't know what to say. I felt an array of emotions, embarrased, upset and finally annoyed/angry. We apologised for the toddlers being disruptive, explained there had been a long delay in them getting food and said we were doing our best to keep them occupied. I also asked him what else could we do, they had to eat to which he responded they should be feed in the room.
I'm so surprised and upset by this. I've never had this happen before and I'm usually very considerate of other diners when we're out as I'm quite shy and don't like to draw attention.
This has really upset me.
I'm just wondering what others have done / would have done in this situation.

Ignore him and move on.my rule of thumb is if it's before 8 o'clock and less than a tenner for a main course then you can expect families with kids. If you are out as a couple and don't want that go elsewhere.

YANBU if it was a place attached to a TL or a PI , but even then I’d expect kids to be away at a sensible time.

We stayed in a PI last summer and at 9pm there were two toddlers screaming the place down while the parents carried on drinking. It was painful to the ears and if they were that tired they should not have been there.

I take your point about service being slow etc though and as long as your kids weren’t screaming and running around I think he was BU.

My OH told him he better f--- off out of the cafe then!

Your husband behaved far worse than the grumpy man.

I think some people are just desperate for kids to make noise so they can complain. When they don’t, they complain anyway.

^^ this is so true sometimes.
I recall taking my kids, 5, 3 and 2 week old at the time to a naice restaurant as a farewell dinner for my visiting sister (came over to meet our newborn).
From the moment we walked in a couple gave us the daggers. I swear to god the woman looked like she was snarling.
Every time I looked up she was staring across the restaurant at us with a face like thunder. We must have been at least 30ft away! Thankfully our children were impeccably behaved throughout and baby didn't wake at all. No noise, no crying, yelling or squealing. No iPads or colouring books either. Just eating and chatting quietly. My eldest is a teenager now and to this day I still regret not going over and telling them to fuck off scowling at us. They never so much as glanced in the direction of the table of loud, drunk cackling women making a huge racket on a table in the middle between us.

What @FridgeFullOfChocolate said, but obviously to late now..... maybe you'll see him at breakfast and can use it then?

in saying that I would go to a higher quality restaurant to avoid such a situation.
Are you trying to sound like a snob?

Maybe this was all he could afford as a nice treat. Family friendly doesn’t mean it’s ok for children to play up. I’m guessing the children were louder than you’re admitting. The couple probably bit their tongues while the children were being fed, because they’re reasonable and realise children need to be fed, and breathed a sigh of relief when you disappeared with your twins. You then reappearing with them in their pyjamas when they have already been fed was probably the last straw for them.

You just had some bad luck. You encountered an entitled twat.

And he probably mortified his wife.

Don't let it get to you, unless they were screaming or running around noisy kids are apart of life. He could have left if he wasn't happy.

People despise kids in this country, don't they?

No but he isn’t unreasonable either to be upset at noise and to be honest past 8 is pretty late for young kids to be still in a restaurant. I’d be pretty annoyed paying for a babysitter and going out listening to other peoples kids in an environment I wouldn’t be expecting them. Would I complain in a pub at lunch time? No. Would I complain if I paid restaurant prices on a Saturday night, when it’s reasonable to assume it’ll be relaxing and quiet? You bet.

@Fabaunt your irritation should be directed at the restaurant then, the family arrived at 6 and poor service kept them there until gone 8. Would you've expected them to leave before being fed?

They were fed though. She brought them back down in their pjs

To eat her food? Or should one of them have not had dinner to appease the other diners?

They clearly wanted the twins in bed ASAP or wouldn't have put them in PJs, but they did need to eat first.

I think the key here is that you started dinner rather late for 15 months, even without the wait 6pm is quite late. My baby is only a bit younger than 15mo and she would be going up the wall waiting that late to eat. Plus I don't think I would have ordered food for them I just would have bought pouches / jars /snacks so not wait for them.

Next time if you go at 5pm rather than 6pm then anyone in therr knows it's family o'clock and if they've chosen to eat their dinner at the same time as a kid then that's their problem.

I think if the wait had that long I would have chased the waiter to at least bring out what you'd ordered for the babies and then taken them up after, if there was someone to supervise your older kids.

Whilst it sounds like the man was cantankerous, it sounds like maybe you could have been better prepared to avoid the situation.

Yep, same as previous poster. When mine were little if we ate out it was at 5pm on the dot when the restaurant opened. Family friendly restaurants only. Empty restaurant, quick service, anyone coming at that time also had toddlers/young kids as no one else wants to eat that early. Our aim was to be out by 6pm so never any deserts for adults, had kids deserts organised immediately they finished their little meal which meant we would be half way through our main. When we finished the mains they were finished their desert and we were out of there.

If we had to eat any later - travelling and arrived later or out for the day and came back to hotel later than anticipated, or if the kids were tired from the day we would eat in the room. Kids were just sat on a bed to eat picnic style. Big bath towel put underneath each kid. At the end we would stick dirty bath towels out the door along with the empty plates and ring reception to have new towels delivered.

I’m sure your kids were great and made no noise but no way would we have taken kids that age to a restaurant (even family friendly) at that time and no way we would have taken them if they were tired.

Age 8yo upwards out for early dinner with adults is good, bringing them out to eat & socialise with adults is part of their development.

As Auntie who likes to eat out & is not only proud of my tribe of DN & DNS, but is paying adult prices for them, I regard roughly 7yo as the threashold to eating dinner out with adults. Around about the growth spurt from little boy/girl when second teeth come through, they can manage them selves better, have stamina to stay up later, appreciate a good scoff, can be good company and enjoy being out with adults. Before that stage forget it.

For the younger kids, I’d go for something where less demanding, kids menus and aim to have them fed & out the door by 6pm because the little blighters get tired. Smaller children cannot manage their stamina as well as older children, it is a capability & skill they acquire as they grow - the clue is the growth spurt, emotional, psychological, physical & dental.

So taking a pair of 15 mo twins down to dinner for 6pm & then staying, for whatever reason & wherever the fault may lie, is asking for trouble. Fraid it’s one of those times when a parent has to suck it up & feed the littlest ones before the 6pm dinner rush in the room, get them PJd & settled before the rest of the party down for dinner. Of course be fair, have a handover for pudding course, no need for complete parental purdah.

Were I dining with the Grumpy Geezer, I’d recognise that you prolly have acquired parental, hearing loss & were not aware perhaps how troublesome & cacophonous some of your party were. It’s not just the level of noise, it’s the pitch. That bitch Mother Nature installed that screechy noise to ensure that her product was not neglected.

Auntie has been known at first signs of boisterous in party of DN &DN eating out to bellow at them “Enough”. They stop & I can feel the rest of the dining room relax. Seriously, people with younger kids do not hear the noise or sense the tension that kids can create - because if you did you would go mad, citing cruel & unusual punishment, violation of Human Rights etc.

Simply, you pissed the fella off & he chose to share that with you.

Equally I have been out with friend & her well behaved DD, people come over as they were leaving to say how delightfully well behaved her daughter was & what a pleasure it was too see her.

@HoppingPavlova our posts have crossed.
What a wise owl you are.

Generally I don’t like eating somewhere where there is a large party as it causes food delays and they tend to get all the attention from the waiting staff and can be noisy. However he is really rude to complain to you, who does that?

To eat her food? Or should one of them have not had dinner to appease the other diners?

I’m curious as to why the parents enjoyment seems more important than the elderly man? He was out for a nice meal that was ruined by loud and tired kids who shouldn’t have been in the restaurant that late. He was perfectly entitled to let her know her family ruined his meal, that he had to pay for.

“We're visiting the UK for a family event.”

Arrrr, ‘ee not be fro’ ‘ese parts?
Forrin, like?

I’d have bought the fella & his missus/date a nice drink at the bar & apologised profusely.

After all, you might be seated side-by-side at breakfast.

The problem is what seems to be acceptable in terms of children noise has changed a lot in the last generation. I would never have allowed my kids to be as loud and disruptive in a public place as what seems to be normal for many parents nowadays.

I get very annoyed when I go to a nice hotel and have to bear annoying kids whilst eating my meal where it is expected to be a relatively quiet place. I have never said anything but certainly given dirty looks.

Saying that I sat at a nice hotel restaurant yesterday, there were 1 family with 3 kids and one with four, both with at least one child under 2 and both families were very well behaved.

I'm afraid I do consider noisy families when kids are not reprimanded for their level of noise as not very pleasant and kids not well brought up but that's my personal view.

I don't think he was wrong, normal toddler noise to you could be really noisy to everyone around you.