To say no to my mum (babysitting)

[HJWT]

My DM is raising my 3 DN, she has dropped it on me that she has an app on Thursday to have her hair done and can I watch the youngest for 2 hours. She would be back around 1.45 but my DD finishes nursery at 12 and this is when I go home and make her lunch, I told her last week after being asked to take her to 2 of DN app that I am not here to look after DN as i have my own DD but I am more than happy if she needs me to take her shopping/clean up etc during DD's nursery hours then I will do so.... AIBU to say no? As harsh as it sounds, I told her not to take on the last DN as I will not be helping with them and I have done MORE than enough up to this point as it is ... I am so fed up of the only reason me needing to go round is to do something. when I asked why she didn't at least think to book the app between DD's nursery hours she said 'its all the hairdresser had' Im really fed up of it all now, my DD has no relationship with any of her grandparents, none of them bother to come and see her and I just feel like telling them all to piss of, why should I look after my DN when she cant even make an effort to come and see my DD??

What about your DDs paternal GPS, do they feature in DDs life?

OP your mum sounds amazing. You sounds bitter, jealous, resentful and selfish. What response was you actually expecting? Try harder to make the relationship with your mum work, if you want it badly enough. I can't believe you would rather your DN had been adopted, you sound like an awful auntie. People may have been slightly more understanding if you had just said everything in your first post rather than drip feeding. You need to grow up!!!

So pick DD up, have lunch and drive DN back?

@EhlanaOfElenia thank you so much 😭 with the second DN i even offered to move in with DSis so she could keep baby and SS were happy with this but she didn't want DN, drugs were more important.

@Charlie97 no there even worse.

On a different note, if DM is barely coping with the older two, why didn't you take youngest niece?

I think your rant has backfired because it started with "DM has raised us all and now three grandkids. She's asked me to look after niece for a couple of hours which overlaps with DD being home so I've said no" then when you were told ywbi it moved on to "I had no childhood because I had to help mom raise my nieces, I baby sit 2-3 times a week plus a whole week a year whilst she goes away and she relies on me a lot for practical help. She's.booked a hair appt that clashes with school pick up and we live quite far away. I've asked her to rearrange it for a few hours earlier"

If you'd started with the first bit you'd have got far more support

@abeautifulmess1234 try harder? 😂 what should I do move in with her and tell her to put her feet up and retire ... you sound stupid.

@SleepingStandingUp i was heavily pregnant at the time when SS asked me to take the baby!! And they don't give you ANYTHING no money just expect you to run run run and take the DC to contact with 2 drug addict parents.

Your sister sounds like the only selfish feckless person in all of this. This isn't a situation of your making.

In reality I wonder how many people would be stepping up to the plate in the way they think OP should.

But by the looks of it I don't think many people are reading the updates and are just sticking the knife in for sport.

Reading the original post I can understand all the shit I'm getting probably should of mentioned all the help I already give her

In reply to your original OP you say you told your mum last week you are not there to look after your DN, as you have a child of your own. YABU. It’s your dd’s cousin why can’t DN come and see you all for a couple of hours?

I then read your updates and I still think you are being unreasonable and resentful.

@HJWT I would rather be stupid than selfish and bitter!! You sound delightful!!

Charlie97 no there even worse.

Jesus your DM is not bad she's given up her life to raise another family!! You sound incredibly selfish and angry because you're not getting 100 % what you want you're kicking off. You honestly cannot believe your DM is bad and had she not had your DNs you would've wanted her to have your DD in the event you couldn't look after her...... but she can't because her capacity is full. Not her fault, not DNs fault.

HJWT, I have a bit of an insight into how you feel. In different circumstances, my DP took over most of the care of DN and my DC certainly felt they were second fiddle to DN after this happened. ( They are older than DN so had already established a relationship with DP) DN pushed them away if they went for a cuddle with her etc and would scream she was his grandma not theirs. It was hard.
I get how you feel- you end up feeling that you or your DC don't matter. I don't think you are being unreasonable or spoilt, but can you, your DM and siblings met up to talk about how to share supporting her better- if you can. Booking the hairdresser when she knows you are going to stuggle is thoughtless but I guess she was just pleased to get an appointment and didn't really think.

It sounds like all of OP's adolescence and adulthood has been overshadowed by her sister's drug addiction. As much as I pity the sister and I'm sure she doesn't choose to be addicted actually living with the consequences of someone who is a long term addict is incredibly difficult. It's hardly surprising OP has alot of resentment.

Exactly what @charlie97 is saying

@Claw001 I would LOVE for DN to be DROPPED OF for a few hours in the week, and then picked up. Because guess what? That would be me having a relationship with my DN, I bet they hate me 'thats the aunt that takes me to the hospital and holds me down whilst I get stabbed' 😩

I give up asking why your sister can’t offer to do it. You clearly just want to moan about your mum.

@Charlie97 Im talking about my DH mum & dad get with it.

@Nicknacky sorry what sister to do what?

If you would love it, then why are you saying no?

Babysit! You said your sister said she would like to do it and misses her niece.

@HJWT you sad they're worse...... I'm saying your mum is not bad! By saying they're worse you're saying your mum is bad? Please get with it.

@Claw001 nobody offers that?? I only get asked to go TO them or TAKE them to appointments, Im the taxi and the babysitter, not the daughter or aunt.

I want a relationship with my DM and DN's were we do nice things together and with my DD but I spend so much time running them to app etc that the free time I do have I need to do the things I have to do.