To say no to my mum (babysitting)

[HJWT]

My DM is raising my 3 DN, she has dropped it on me that she has an app on Thursday to have her hair done and can I watch the youngest for 2 hours. She would be back around 1.45 but my DD finishes nursery at 12 and this is when I go home and make her lunch, I told her last week after being asked to take her to 2 of DN app that I am not here to look after DN as i have my own DD but I am more than happy if she needs me to take her shopping/clean up etc during DD's nursery hours then I will do so.... AIBU to say no? As harsh as it sounds, I told her not to take on the last DN as I will not be helping with them and I have done MORE than enough up to this point as it is ... I am so fed up of the only reason me needing to go round is to do something. when I asked why she didn't at least think to book the app between DD's nursery hours she said 'its all the hairdresser had' Im really fed up of it all now, my DD has no relationship with any of her grandparents, none of them bother to come and see her and I just feel like telling them all to piss of, why should I look after my DN when she cant even make an effort to come and see my DD??

I'm afraid if it's not an issue, then I have zero idea why you're not happy to do it, you're making a drama out of nothing. You've stated it's not an issue, why not jaunt say, that's fine.

@twirlbabytwirl oh sorry! Does my mum have a medical app she cant change or a hair app! Oh yes its life and death whether she gets her roots done I forgot.

My DM wouldn't take my DD, she hasn't the room or the time.

No problem @charlie97

there isn't an issue the whole point of me saying that was the fact of she could of made the appointment for between 9-12 so I could watch DN and then take DD home for her lunch like I do every other time.

@GruciusMalfoy exactly, she doesn't even ask before making the app knowing full well I am the only person she will ask to look after DN.

there isn't an issue... I could watch DN and then take DD home for her lunch like I do every other time
Well if there wasn't an issue you'd have said yes.

Can't you take DN to collect DD then take them both to yours for lunch?

@SleepingStandingUp I live over 40 minutes away.

*just

Op your first post doesn't give background details so yes you do sound selfish. From your updates however I would suggest a family meeting.. Over take away.. And try and come to agreement with siblings who are willing to help, to see if this load can be shared.

Full commendation to your mum I am not sure I could take on 3 kids at an older age including very young one!

But that also must not impact your quality of life pr your child's relations with her family. Talk talk talk.. Explain.... Talk and put some guidelines in eg.. Even if you and siblings help out more say more than usual but make it clear its no on going

So can Mum drop DN to you? You say there isn't a problem, so find a solution.

How old are the older kids?

You just worry about you and your daughter eh, don't sound like a brat at all. Thank god for the hide button!

HJWT

The situation you describe is very sad. But it is not the fault of your DN's or your mum's. Your mother has found herself in a very difficult situation. She has raised her own children and has now taken on her grandchildren because their parents are unfit parents. The very least you could do is help out where needed. Your mum Is probably mentally and physically exhausted! She deserves a couple of hours out to get her hair done.

TBH you sound very jealous that your DD doesn't have such a close relationship with her grandmother as their cousins. Thank your lucky stars that your DD has parents who can care for

You sound as if you would have preferred your sisters children to have been adopted, rather than for your mother to keep them within the family with you lending a helping hand, where needed. All because your DM is too exhausted to fawn all over your DD.

I take my hat off to your mum.

@Burpsandfustles thanks, I tried to talk to my DS about it and her answer was 'well at least you get to spend time with DN' that just shows how much she gets ask to do things by DM, my DM doesn't spend quality time with any of us, it upsets my DS to but she has a whole life outside of the family as she always went out when we was growing up with the first 2 DN were as I always stayed home and helped raise them, it breaks my heart because my eldest DN will text me to say she misses me but I end up doing so much with DM app in the week I don't get chance to go round at weekends when she is home.

@HJWT YOU chose to have your DD, why are you resentful of her not watching her as much? It works both ways! Do you really think she had a choice? Are you that heartless? If my grandchildren were going to be adopted there would be less choice in my mind than if I was physically pregnant myself!!

Grow up. I can only assume you're very young, probably too young to have children frankly if these are your opinions.

@BlueSlipperSocks ok clearly didn't read the whole thread, my mums been on holiday every year for 5 days since i was 18 and iv had the kids including my own up-to last year, iv not had a break from my DD since she was born, not that I want one, she is a little angel. But I'm not the horrible jealous bitch everyone thinks I am, iv just had enough of my DM take take take and no give give give.

More drip feed FFS

@alltheusernames yes I'm so young and immature that social services ring me every time my DS gets pregnant and not my DM

Why doesn’t you sister contact you mum and offer to do it then? Problem solved and everyone happy.

Your mum doesn’t HAVE quality time to be able to spend time with you. She’s raising a second family under terrible circumstances.

@Charlie97 I'm really sorry but I'm just trying to defend myself since everyone on mumsnet jumps to the easiest conclusion their brain can come to which is that I am a selfish cow and don't do anything for DM or DN, when the reality is if I was to write out a list of what iv done for them in the last 6 months id be here till Thursday and miss her hair app 🤐

@Nicknacky but she has time for a hair app and a play date with her new school mum friend 🤔

There is nothing wrong with her doing either of those things. Stop grudging her every day events that most of us take for granted.

Your mother sounds fucking awesome and, you - well, if I said what I thought this post would be deleted

This is a pointless thread to take part in, you change the goalposts too often. I still feel your DM raising a second family is an angel and deserves five days once a year.

@HJWT would you want your own daughter fostered or adopted if you were unable to look after her?

@Aridane Id love to hear it.

Wow. I take my hat off to your mum. You, on the other hand...

As PP have said- when does your mum get a break!?