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AIBU?

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Original poster

Comments that stay with us

385 replies

whatacrapusername2306 · 25/01/2019 13:37

DD came home one day last week and said someone at school had called her ‘greasy hair’ She hasn’t btw, I am a hairdresser and wouldn’t allow her hair look a mess. She is still talking about this comment a week later. This has really flagged up some emotion in me from my school years. I remember every single nasty comment that was made to me. It can still bring me to tears when I think about it. Mostly comments on my appearance, size (I was small and thin) trampy clothes, squinty eye, nobody fancys you etc etc. It’s stupid I know, but has anyone else had a comment stay with them into adulthood?

OP posts:
FrankieHeckisinTheMiddle · 25/01/2019 13:41

Someone said I had a better moustache than the geography teacher. I’ve been a Jolene bleacher ever since, it hardly wrecked my life though 😀

Foxandthehound · 25/01/2019 13:51

My mum shaved my hair off completely when I was in secondary school (she was a very abusive woman, I moved out at 17 and my younger brothers were soon put into care afterwards). Next day in school, everyone laughed at me and called me male names.

My mum didn't wash my school uniform in time for Monday and I was forced to wear black jeans to school. The school gave me trousers to wear, so I went into the female toilets to change my trousers. They stared at me, then ran out screaming and laughing. I can hear them shouting from outside 'there's a boy in there' (this was when I had my hair shaved). A teacher shortly come in and realised it was me and then spoke to the girls.

There's been loads of incidents that I was mistaken for a boy, from both adults and children. Nurse refused to give me my hpv until teacher confirmed I was a girl.

All of these made me heartbroken and knocked my confidence. I've never been a girly girl. Wore no makeup. Flat boobs until 16. Unisex school uniform. I now feel I look manly and it upsets me deeply, to this day.

foxyknoxy30 · 25/01/2019 13:51

In high school one guy bullied me(am female )through various ways,he found out one day I was adopted and took great delight in constantly calling me a bastard that nobody wanted.Every now and then I look for him on Facebook and imagine calling him out.i see his brother who has children at the same school as mine and even though it's not him knowing he has a connection to him makes my blood boil .

MaMisled · 25/01/2019 14:00

My sister is 60 and hasn't worn a skirt since our DM told her she had funny shaped legs age 17. She really hasn't!

Morgan12 · 25/01/2019 14:02

Foxandthehound that's awful I'm so sorry your mum did that to you! Flowers

I got called a weirdo because I was quiet. Which obviously then made me more quiet. I'm not anymore. But still get social anxiety alot and I think it's down to that.

Buster72 · 25/01/2019 14:05

"You will never amount to anything"
Numerous teachers.
"Are you blind"
Teacher at age 10 when I could not cut paper straight.

AdorableMisfit · 25/01/2019 14:06

I used to have a mole on my nose. I got called "witch" a lot, but the one that stuck with me was "you would have the prettiest nose in the school if you didn't have that stupid wart on it". I got the mole removed when I was 25. I'm 40 now but I still remember exactly where I was when that comment was made.

thismeansnothing · 25/01/2019 14:06

When I was in year 5 I remember a couple of the boys saying to me (the girl it's freckles) that they preferred girls with 'plain faces' . Gee thanks for that

Ethel36 · 25/01/2019 14:06

I remember being called pizza face and fatty by some fellow teenage boys. Always remember those comments even now. I have beautiful skin now and after two children, am a size ten. If only they could see me now and eat their words lol!

Ethel36 · 25/01/2019 14:08

@Foxandthehound
I'm so sorry...that's awful. No child should ever experience cruelty from their mother. Sending hugs x

user1474542454 · 25/01/2019 14:08

Not a comment from school days but a comment from my mother. I was pregnant with twins and already had a toddler. I have such severe morning sickness that I lost 2 stone in 2 months and couldn't stand up without vomiting. I lost my vision one night and collapsed which may something to do with the fact I could not drink or eat anything and did not have a wee for 5 days. She came round to see little one and it was a mess. My partner worked and I couldn't physically do it. She told me that if I didn't tidy up social services would take my child away. It still upsets me to this day and I never make sure the house is anything but immaculate when she comes round. Which actually makes me sad.

sugarbum · 25/01/2019 14:10

When I was 11, my dance teacher said that myself and another girl could do with losing a bit of weight. In front of everyone. She probably wan'st wrong, but there was no need to announce it.
I developed bulimia shortly after that, but I did manage to kick it after I finally had counselling. It only took me 25 years.

Whatafustercluck · 25/01/2019 14:15

I had terrible acne and the wrong trainers. And I was also quite clever and my dad had a drink problem. One boy said I looked like the back end of a bus, another called me pizza face, plenty called me square and my so-called friend told the school about my dad's abuse of alcohol (I'd confided solely in her after it made me desperately unhappy for months). I remember those things, yes. But weirdly, I have a positive view of my school days - the point at which I found a new (lovely, welcoming, accepting) and popular, yet unjudgemental, friendship group was a turning point. I realised that people actually liked me just for being myself and that was quite powerful and helped me find some confidence. I'm still not assertive enough and occasionally get propelled back to that time, but the lovely positive people I've met since then don't let me dwell in the past. Plus, karma (or however you like to see it) seems to have caught up with the worst offenders. What goes around...

veggiepigsinpastryblankets · 25/01/2019 14:16

A teacher in 6th form told me I was a very bitter person!

These days I'm just outraged that a person in a position of responsibility would say that to a desperately unhappy teenage girl but I still bloody remember it. Perhaps I am bitter!

In retrospect he had some very boundary-crossing friendships with a lot of the 6th form girls so I'm probably lucky I was a fairly unattractive teenager.

Goodmum1234 · 25/01/2019 14:19

God isn’t your skin awful- said by elderly person when I worked in a shop

You’re twice the size- said by elderly great uncle who hadn’t seen me for 15 years

It hurts even if it was true

Bibijayne · 25/01/2019 14:22

I loved singing as a kid. Really loved it. I was loud, but mostly tuneful. Certainly enthusiastic.

When I was 8, instead of doing a play at Christmas our school decided to do a concert instead. Every school year was supposed to sing a carol. Ours was Good King Wensclas.

I learned my lines with enthusiasm. I was excited for my parents and grandparents to hear me sing.

During rehearsals in November I was dragged out of our class group by the deputy head teacher and the special needs class teacher who also led the orchestra and choir.

Infront of my whole class I was told I was going to ruin the whole concert and that I was an embarrassment to the school.

I didn't play an instrument - so I couldn't join the orchestra.

I was put in the back of the orchestra with the children who had downs syndrome and told to play a triangle.

I pretty much stoped singing from then. I'm 34.

0x00 · 25/01/2019 14:24

A boy in secondary school when I was brushing my hair said to me "why bother, you're ugly anyway".
I laughed in his face and he got freaked out and said "you're not supposed to laugh when I'm bullying you" but deep down I was actually really hurt.

DaffodilPower · 25/01/2019 14:25

I think I was about 7 when I wore my hair tied back for a karate lesson. One of the girls laughed and called me big ears. I cried all that night to my mum.

She took me to the GP a while later as it really affected me. I had them pinned back a few weeks later.

I'm 34 now but still self conscious about wearing my hair up.

Whatafustercluck · 25/01/2019 14:25

"Look at those thighs!" Said by my aunt when looking at a photo of me at about 17yo where I had my legs crossed, sitting down, and you could see the dimples/ cellulite. I'm still conscious of crossing my legs now.

I was once mistaken by an elderly gentleman for a boy while in hospital for an op at about 7yo. I'm still plagued by self doubt that I look overly masculine.

ZoeZebra1 · 25/01/2019 14:25

When I was younger and went to a night club, I had a bit of a tummy but wasn't massively overweight. The DJ played fat bottomed girls and introduced it by saying "This one is for the girl in the blue skirt" and pointed at me. Everyone looked and laughed, except my mate who caused a scene by shouting at him to fuck off. I know she was sticking up for me but it just made it worse. I just wanted the ground to open up! I wore baggy tops from then on and still do.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 25/01/2019 14:26

My ex kept a list of all things of all things I felt I couldn't wear or do because comments from my mother had stopped me. We split amicably and he gave it to me because he wanted me to be free of her. I gave away a dress she said I looked like a "fat ugly fishwife" wearing. That and the number of outfits my "large arse" ruins, because I don't have a "sleek flat bottom" like her.

She's often the one voice of dissent amongst many. But the voice that says "I'm your mother and I will always tell you the truth". It's hard to ignore that voice.

That and the guy from school who, when he heard I was being tested for leukaemia (didn't have it, luckily) said "well if your hair falls out it can only grow back better".

justthecat · 25/01/2019 14:28

When my dad called me a whore after I had my ears pierced for the second time

Sweetpea55 · 25/01/2019 14:29

I was a plain little thing at school. Think NHS specs and spots.
The lads always took the wazz and called me Ugly Duckling,,and Swanny River. as my single name was Swan. I blushed easily and every day was a trial.
Growing up things changed and i look totally different now, Several times i have 'chatted up' by lads from school who didnt know who i am,,,Iv had the last laugh but those awful school days still make me sad just thinking about them.

DandilionBreak · 25/01/2019 14:30

We remember the bad things because they're easier to believe, aren't they? Nobody remembers the good stuff. The bad stuff is so much easier to bring to the front.

I think it's because we're raised to believe that thinking good things about ourselves is "big headed" and "being too big for our boots" and all those other delightful phrases that adults used to flatten kids with. At least, that was my experience, mostly from women, including my own mother.

I was led to believe I was fat and ugly and nobody wanted me around. I look back at photos now with my husband and he's horrified about how skinny I was. Emaciated, that was his word. And I was told I was fat.

CantWaitToRetire · 25/01/2019 14:30

I'm in my 50s, but I can still clearly recall an incident when I was a child, probably aged somewhere between 11-13. I was having my hair cut and for some reason there were two hairdressers stood behind me. One commented to the other saying "hasn't she got hairy arms". It has stayed with me to this day, but the thing is, I don't have hairy arms. I remember I was very pale as a child so maybe the hair was more noticeable. For a little while after I used to shave the hair off my arms because I was ashamed of it.