Comments that stay with us

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DD came home one day last week and said someone at school had called her ‘greasy hair’ She hasn’t btw, I am a hairdresser and wouldn’t allow her hair look a mess. She is still talking about this comment a week later. This has really flagged up some emotion in me from my school years. I remember every single nasty comment that was made to me. It can still bring me to tears when I think about it. Mostly comments on my appearance, size (I was small and thin) trampy clothes, squinty eye, nobody fancys you etc etc. It’s stupid I know, but has anyone else had a comment stay with them into adulthood?

I was a chubby teen, not huge but definitely soft to the touch 😁 I was walking to school late after a dentist appointment and as I got to the gates a boy from another school said to me "hey fatty want another cream cake?", twat. Funnily enough I don't remember dwelling in it too much afterwards but even now 20 years later it randomly pops into my head sometimes. Usually when I'm eating a cream cake 🙄

My son was consistently called a fat ginger by a younger boy, all through primary school. On the very last day of school my son thumped him.

I told him hitting was always wrong but was secret;y proud of him

I remember coming out of my bedroom dressed for a family party in a short dress, and my brother looking at me and saying "You look like a hefty tart". I was probably about 13 and not remotely fat, although the bulimia and binge eating disorder that I developed in my late teens certainly took care of that.

This was only about five years ago, but I was in Starbucks, having finished a long shift at work and on my way to meeting a friend at the cinema. I hadn't eaten all day and I wasn't going to get chance to have anything else, so I got a sandwich and a cake. Just as I was sitting down to eat, a man at the next table looked across and said, "Don't you think that's a bit greedy?" I would love to say I threw my orange juice in his face and told him to fuck off, but what I actually did was burst into tears and run out, leaving my food untouched on the table. I was a bit fat but that man knew nothing about me and my life, and it still makes me angry when i think about how bloody rude he was.

A boy in primary school told me I was too rough when I wanted to join in their game of football.

35+years later and it's still there.

@Mummyoflittledragon thank you. I mean, they were not lying! But as you know, shit sticks. I was defensively unpleasant at high school because of those experiences and not sure whether it made me bigger target.

Mother to me at about 12 - you're just like me and my sister, I got the brains, but you, you didn't even manage the looks.
Been NC for bloody years, funny that!

Many years down the line I still struggle with self-image and my relationship with food as a direct response to 'comments' made by people at school and within my family.

Mine is from my mum, she always 'jokingly' says that if I'd of been born first she'd of never had another, (I'm the youngest of five btw) or that I''m hard work just for expecting the same respect and treatment my sisters get.

I’ve lost count of the awful things my mum has said to me. Usually about my weight. You’re very attractive but you are fat, you really can’t get away with not wearing makeup, you are a bit boring, I’ll pay you to lose weight. I could go on all day. When I look back I was very thin , size 10 but I am tall and have an athletic build. When I’d get upset she’d tell me I was too sensitive. And she wonders why my self esteem isn’t great...,,

Being called "ugly" by various idiot males when I was young. I suppose I should rise above it and think worthy things like "looks aren't important", but it still hurts, even now when I think I've grown into my looks and am probably OK looking.

Taking part in an am dram production. The cast were looking at the programme. Someone commented favourably on my picture in it. The director remarked, in front of everyone, "Yes, shame she's such an odd little character".

I should have told her to fuck off and stuff her play, but of course I didn't.

I often hear her words when I wake up in the morning.

I was very plain when I was young. I was skinny and poor (second hand clothes and big thick NHS glasses). I was too shy to have proper haircuts so went to the same barber my dad and brother went to. I also had bad skin. My sister was a stunner and my role was the ugly, clever one.

When I got older I got contacts, started having proper hair cuts, my skin cleared up and I looked better. I can remember someone when I was about 23 making a passing comment about ‘well, if I looked like you, I’d be quite happy with myself’. And I realised for the very first time that I was actually pretty now. It took a casual remark from an acquaintance for me to shake off my ugly duckling vision of myself and see what other people were seeing. That passing remark was one of the best moments of my life.

I have always had quite hairy arms even when I was a child. I can still vividly recall sitting in class aged 9, and a boy at my table shouted across to me "shut up, Gorilla Arms!"
It made me so self conscious, and even now, 35 years later, I can hear his voice and feel my embarrassment!

On my first night out after having my eldest some idiot called me a fat cunt. That stayed with me through the 6 stone I then lost.

It's horrid isn't it - I feel so sorry for everyone - the old sticks and stones approach was so wrong. THis little jingle has stayed with me for 35 years now:

Londonmummy is queen of the grots
With her greasy hair and zits and spots....

I was told I had the "right build" to fit into DHs family. His family is completely obese, I was 21, size 12-14 and we'd been together 2 years 🤬

By dm - You're too sensitive / bossy / greedy / boring / unfashionable. This started before I can remember and has only stopped in the last few years after a few furious arguments and me being completely rigid in what I will and won't accept. She's actually not a horrible person but she's very focused on looks / how you present yourself so she's never understood me.
Her comments made me believe I was all those things and it's taken DH to point out that this isn't right.

I will always remember my mums 'friend' telling me I will never be the favourite because my sister is better than me.

In school a boy asked me to dance at a disco and I must have smiled because he said "I knew you'd want to. I don't, that's disgusting" and laughed to his horrible friends.
I look at photos now and there was nothing wrong with me.
Funnily enough, DH is now friends with a few people in this persons 'group.' A lot of them are nice and I've had more than one sincere apology, especially now some of them have kids and can see if from a new perspective.

Impicciona
I was chatting to a boy, I was about 16, and we were laughing and joking. He said something really funny and I cracked up and he looked at me and said "jesus you're ugly" and I kind of laughed a bit more half-heartedly but I was heartbroken.

Yes, I've had similar. Just when you're feeling unself-conscious (for once) and acting naturally, something or someone comes along to make you feel down again, like you have no right to feel like that.

Thank you @Dotty1970 , @Morgan12, @Ethel36, @Mummyoflittledragon for your kind words

Oh yep, I was called all sorts of names as a kid bullied relentlessly as my teeth stuck out - was braced but did end up needing surgery on my jaw eventually. Goofy was a popular one but some kids can really be nasty and I usually remember if I’m feeling a bit self conscious. It’s horrible and sorry to hear others have been through similar

I was told by an old teacher that they thought I would ‘change the world’ one day. It was meant as a compliment, but it stung because actually I just became a young (teen) mum & wife and I’ve achieved nothing outside of my, admittedly brilliant, children.

Not a comment to me but to a lovely woman I once worked with. She had been badly scalded as a little girl and the skin on her shoulder, one arm, side of neck and some on her cheek was obviously damaged.

It wasn't the first thing about her that was noticed - that was her beautiful smile.

She told me that as a teenager her scarred and disfigured skin really got her down and her very best friend was drop dead gorgeous (apparently).

One day she heard a couple of boys talking about her and her BF. One said that BF was gorgeous and the other boy said 'Yeah, but M is the one with the great personality'.

She said she never looked back after that and held herself high. That comment made her life and I also remember it!

Not anywhere near as bad as some of these, but the ones I remember most were nearly all from my mother:

Upon wearing my first tiny bit of make-up (and in front of her friends) -"You look ridiculous", with a laugh.
"That hairstyle doesn't suit you"
And when, more recently, I confided that a man had told me I was very attractive, she said "YOU?" in a tone of utter disbelief.
"Of course, your sister has always been the honeypot" (bleugh)
Not that bad, except that she has never, not once, paid me a compliment on my looks. Shallow maybe, but I wish she'd told me even once that I was pretty or something.

I actually brought it up recently (and I'm 50 now, so it's been rankling all this time!) and she said...

"Oh but I always tell people I have a blonde daughter and a brunette daughter!"

No amount of talking would persuade her that that was just a factual statement and not a compliment specifically for me.

Oh and because my ears stuck out- You look like a taxi with its doors wide open!

Wow! to each and every one of you. Some bloody nasty comments, especially from adults to children. I bet most of the people who said them have never given it a second thought, yet it stays with the person on the receiving end.

'You're a slut'. This is what my Dad said to me when I first started dating a boy. I was 16 and my Mum had died 4 years earlier. Nobody to turn to for advice. Thanks Dad!

"You look like a gorilla" Year 8. Charming bitch in my class. Wouldn't even say it to my face. I wasn't allowed to shave my legs.