Comments that stay with us

[whatacrapusername2306]

DD came home one day last week and said someone at school had called her ‘greasy hair’ She hasn’t btw, I am a hairdresser and wouldn’t allow her hair look a mess. She is still talking about this comment a week later. This has really flagged up some emotion in me from my school years. I remember every single nasty comment that was made to me. It can still bring me to tears when I think about it. Mostly comments on my appearance, size (I was small and thin) trampy clothes, squinty eye, nobody fancys you etc etc. It’s stupid I know, but has anyone else had a comment stay with them into adulthood?

I once had a student PE teacher shout at me, telling me that I ran like a pregnant bear. I was in no way athletic but used to try my best and her comment not only made me feel (even more) useless at PE but also affected how I felt about myself. Looking back at photos from then I could in no way be described as fat but her description of me made me feel that way. And of course her comment made the whole class laugh.

A boy in my class said that I had a nose like a pig so spent a few years calling me Pigsy. It made me so self conscious and the ridiculous thing is that I can see now that my nose is perfectly normal, it's only recently that I've come to that conclusion though. He actually kept asking me out once we'd left school, he'd made my life a misery though so I took great pleasure in telling him to fuck off each time.

My Dad told me that my face was too fat to have short hair. Short hair really suits me.

Not so much name calling or comments but I always remember (and this is going back to the 1970s) playing with my friends in the street when one suggested that we play in his back garden. We all ran, and being crap at running I was last to the garden, and just as I got there they slammed the gate shut and locked it so that I couldn't get in. I still remember them laughing at me as I asked to be let in. They didn't open it. It pretty much sums up my life really, I'm always on the outside of the group.

I was mocked at primary school for my round tummy and called "pregnant". As a result I was self-conscious about my tummy and afraid to wear close-fitting tops or leggings.

I've had three big babies. My belly is a saggy sack. And I look at photos of that lovely, gawky young woman, with her washboard-flat stomach - me, myself, 30y ago - and feel so sad for her. I didn't know how beautiful I was. It never occurred to me that people might be jealous of my flat stomach or good skin.

My sexually abusive grandfather told me at 13 to always wear skirts because he liked seeing my legs. I really, really struggle to have bare legs even during the summer. He’s long dead (thank goodness) but that, along with other things, has stayed.

"You only have two speeds Noodles - dead slow and stop!"
"I'll ask someone who isn't a dumbo"
"You're so ugly you'll never get married"

And many, many more. First two were teachers, third stepfather. That first comment kept repeating in my head when I was in labour with ds. It took all day, all night, and up to 7pm next day to get to 10cms. All I could think of was that teacher's cutting remark (she stopped the whole class to tell them how stupid I was, so nice big audience) and how I couldn't get anything right.

Why were teachers so mean to the most vulnerable children? They don't even have the excuse of being immature, like the other kids. I love ds's teachers, they are all utterly fabulous, supportive and kind to him

Hear hear, MirriVan!

God I have countless ones of these...

The time when I was about 15, I had terrible acne and I was walking back to the changing room after hockey practice and had accidentally carried a ball back, I said to myself something like "oh where am I going with this" and an older boy walking behind me said "I'll take it back for you", when I turned around, he grimaced and said "eugh, perhaps not"

I was called "moose" for a number of years by two older girls who took a dislike to me, they would scream it across the playground and in crowded corridors then cackle to each other. This stopped for a year when they moved to college and started again a year later when I joined same college.

At college when I spoke to my tutor about this aforementioned bullying,she responded: "well... you're not slim" - oh well that's ok then, let it carry on.

Boys in my year rejoiced in nicknaming me "mr blobby" as I was gifted with being both fat and spotty.

My mother used to enjoy reminding me just how much my legs reminded her of tree trunks

When I said to a male family friend i was "popping out for milk" he responded "you can hardly 'pop' anywhere!!"

Countless - and I mean countless - occasions I have been screamed at by men from car windows, "fat bitch/slag/cow"

It's no wonder I have no self confidence at all!!

That I had elephant legs from DM. She was v obsessed with weight and looks, and didn't see I had a lovely slim pear shaped figure (neither did I until I was older and looking back at photos.) I very very rarely wear skirts or dresses because I am still so self conscious.
This is nothing compared to some of the stories on this thread. to all of you

I worked in a male dominated work place once and was called Arbuckle (from the restaurant chain Fatty Arbuckle)

My brother used to call me the name of a lady who lived in the village who was morbidly obese with learning difficulties.

I was often mistaken for a boy as a child, my mum insisted I have short hair because it was easier to deal with than long hair.

I was held back a year at school and when I did well in English and was praised by my teacher (she sent a letter home to my parents saying how well she thought I did) my form tutor said he didn't think that was fair on the other children as I had an advantage. Being held back a year made me feel I was stupid for most of my adult life. That comment really didn't help.

In my first Saturday job while still at school, a colleague had the same name as me. One day, a foreign colleague was talking about "beautiful xxx" and when someone looked confused she explained that the colleague with the same name was 'beautiful xxx' and I was 'stupid xxx'. Poor girl had no idea how much I died inside

When a senco told me my dd with autism “had no teacher input as she’s unteachable”

So shocked at some of the awful mums say to their daughters. Awful.

You are too old to wear jeans, said to me by a close relative, I was 50 years old at the time (perhaps I was), fast forward a few years, and I still wear jeans. Certainly did not put me off.

My daughter had leukaemia as a toddler and my mother told me it was because I had taken the pill while I was breastfeeding. As if I hadn't felt guilty enough!

My father was one mean, abusive SoB. To this day my brother, who is a kind, mild-mannered soul, will see red mist descending if ever he hears the phrase 'waste of space'; a thing darling daddy so often told him he was. As for me, he told me I deserved to be raped because I was a slut, but incidentally he didn't believe me anyway. Way to sexualize and victim-blame your own daughter - not least contradict yourself - in one fell stroke. I was estranged from him as an adult for many reasons but in part because of that one destructive comment. (He was sometimes violent too). And when he died, God help me, I didn't rejoice but neither did I shed one solitary tear of grief.

It makes me wonder why some people even think they want to have children.

So many negative comments are made out of jealousy. I've found this with my DM especially.

@Bibijayne I had the same. Told at primary school not to sing, but to mime at the Christmas concert performance. Teacher said in front of everyone that my singing was terrible and off key. I was loud and loved singing so much. It did knock me, because I had no awareness of it, but it is true my singing is bad. She could if handled more professionally.

@ZoeZebra1 I bet that DJ loved your bum that why he noticed you and called you out. I think sometimes guys can't handle finding someone or something attractive that isn't considered mainstream. They try to joke but it goes wrong. Why are guys are meant to like stick girls, it's human nature to like curves, big bums and hips. Look at all those old paintings and roman sculptures.

When after a really hard time in school - bullying, loneliness, problems with depression and poor academic performance I knuckled down really hard to get decent results and get into an OK university to be told by my aunt that it was hardly worth the effort as its a glorified polytechnic.

My dad died just after I turned 13. I was being bullied at school at the time and when I went back a day or so later the bully corned me and said 'I hear your dad has died. I'd have died too if you had been my daughter'.

My mother told me that I would be “quite pretty” if I didn’t wear glasses. I was about 10 at the time, and have felt ugly ever since- am 65 now. She always made it known how important good looks were to her, and I felt sadly lacking.

cornered not corned!

Estranged aunt and uncle made a horrible comment about my weight (had went from a 18 to a size 8) but apparently I needed to work harder to lose more because they couldn't see the difference and was still fat.

It stung at the time, but now I don't really care because I don't really like them that much.

Age 5 - my dad said I was "too big" to sit on his knee. I felt too big for years despite being an average size and the high school bullies added to the insecurity by calling me fat. My relationship with food forever altered, not sure I'll ever reach a normal with it.

And when I was at secondary school in the first year the form teacher made me stand up in front of the whole class so she could tell me that I wasn’t as clever as the primary school had said. In fact I was very mediocre.

16, on my first proper night out in Central London with my two slim and pretty best friends. A group of lads working towards us smiling, I heard one say to the other: ‘who’s the one in the middle? (Me) the other replied, ‘their big, fat bodyguard.’ I got over it but I can still remember feeling crushed.