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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Comments that stay with us

385 replies

whatacrapusername2306 · 25/01/2019 13:37

DD came home one day last week and said someone at school had called her ‘greasy hair’ She hasn’t btw, I am a hairdresser and wouldn’t allow her hair look a mess. She is still talking about this comment a week later. This has really flagged up some emotion in me from my school years. I remember every single nasty comment that was made to me. It can still bring me to tears when I think about it. Mostly comments on my appearance, size (I was small and thin) trampy clothes, squinty eye, nobody fancys you etc etc. It’s stupid I know, but has anyone else had a comment stay with them into adulthood?

OP posts:
foxinthemist · 25/01/2019 15:16

A stranger in a supermarket whispered to me 'you're doing great - they are horrors at this stage' when I was battling with my whingey child. I had bad PNA and I will never, ever forget what that little act of kindness did for my sanity.

CokeAndCrispsAndDip · 25/01/2019 15:17

I was bullied through out school and remember all the nasty comments.

I have never had a compiment from a man. I was told once I wasn't pretty, that my face would never attract a man but apparently I had a nice personality. I have absolutely zero self esteem and the aching realisation that you are ugly is soul destroying.

LemonBreeland · 25/01/2019 15:17

On telling my Mum I was pregnant with DC3 the first words out of her mouth were 'you can't cope with the two you've got'. It didn't make me think I was a shit parent or anything, I know I'm a better one than she was with me, however it has put a permanent stain on out relationship, I doubt she would even remember saying it now.

Intohellbutstayingstrong · 25/01/2019 15:19

Fucking hell some of these are utterly grim. People can be so cruel and nasty.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 25/01/2019 15:21

My older boyfriend when I was 14 calling me "frigid" for not having sex a few weeks after starting to date. I was nowhere near ready for that step and whilst i'd love to say I told him where to go. I continued the relationship, and put up with the low level accusations around why I wasn't sleeping with him. Eventually his patience ran out and so did I when he tried to rape me. But I can still hear those words and the whole thing has deeply affected me ever since.

Also my abusive ex husband (spotting a theme here?) one told me he wasn't proud of me and that I was the walking definition of "beige. utterly forgettable and useless". He said a lot nastier things to me over the years but for some reason that'/s the one that always comes back.

MyPatronusIsAnOrca · 25/01/2019 15:21

There’s two instances that have stuck with me.

Once when I was in Year 9 I was sitting alone in class and a note was passed down the entire class for me and when I opened it it said “don’t worry you’re not as ugly as everyone says”. It was completely out of the blue and caught me off guard. I’ve never forgotten that feeling of humiliation and knowing everyone was watching me read that.

The second instance was when I was about 10 and my aunt comparing me to my older sister in a room full of people praising my sister’s beauty and then turning around to me saying you’re not much to look at. The sniggering and the fact that no one said anything other than to look at me.

Again that feeling of humiliation and hurt.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 25/01/2019 15:23

@sayitisntsojo- it was, actually. He said I had to promise him that I wouldn't keep believing my mother, because I was worth more and should be more confident. When I looked confused he said he'd noticed a few of the things that clearly affected me down- and they WEREN'T true. Various of my friends have also commented that she's intimidating sometimes and they feel very judged by her. It was liberating. It was the first time someone really told me that they knew she wasn't ok.

fluffedupferretonsteroids · 25/01/2019 15:23

My step dad said you can tell a womans fat when her thighs rub together, it wasnt aimed at me. At ten years old with thighs that rubbed together it stayed with me .

hatethinkingofusernames · 25/01/2019 15:23

I used to get teased about my teeth constantly. Kids were so so mean. I'm now a dental nurse and married to a dentist so I think that had something to do with my past! I was also overweight and got teased for that. All the people who bullied me are on my fb and I keep them there purely to show them how well I'm doing for myself and I'm actually quite good looking now! Deff made me a stronger determined person but those comments do stay with you!

Bloomini · 25/01/2019 15:24

I was thrown off my bike and injured in a road traffic accident and taken to hospital many years ago. As they lifted the stretcher into the ambulance I heard one of the women say in a snidey sarky way, "ooft this one likes her Christmas pudding" as if I was a very heavy weight.

It still pisses me off especially as I was only young, nowhere near as heavy as I am now, couldn't talk back and to add insult to injury, I bloody detest Christmas pudding! Pah!Angry

neveradullmoment99 · 25/01/2019 15:24

I am shocked at some of these stories.
How sad it is that people can be so cruel especially to children and the comment lasts forever. I have had many comments said to me in the past. The ones that hurt me the most were from my mum.

CaMePlaitPas · 25/01/2019 15:26

I went through a phase of self harming when I was about 12/13, I remember "relapsing" after a few months of not hurting myself and when my Dad found out he came into my room screaming "Well what are you going to do next? Slit your throat? Go on then!"

Never forgotten that.

Stormy76 · 25/01/2019 15:27

I got told I looked like a boy, my dad refused to allow me to wear make up which made me odd and in my 20’s DH bought me a hat and scarf set, I walked into my parents house and my dad laughed at me and told me I looked ridiculous. DH was so angry with him, I never wore the hat again.

Smallhorse · 25/01/2019 15:27

My brother came home from university and said to 13 y o me “o youve got a double chin”

Thus the start of my lifelong eating disorder

Whisky2014 · 25/01/2019 15:30

On the last day of school in 3rd year in music class, the whole class was at one side of the room and me and a friend at the other, feeling like they were conspiring against us for some reason. Then a boy walks over and says "whisky, will you go out with me...actually no, you're too ugly". With the whole class watching and then he goes back to his side and asks for his £1 because it had been a bet.

I met him years later up the street and he acted all nice. I reminded him what happened and he apologised but not in a very sincere way. I turned out quite good looking and he looked like a rat. Fucking arsehole. Why do shit Like that?

Also, pretty much every day for 4 years , 2 girls in my year called me "cat girl". They'd follow behind me saying "catgirl" over and over. My friend asked them what it was about months after they started and they said it's because the back of my head looked like a cat had been tearing apart a birds nest.

I have trichotillomania which means I pull my hair out and I had a short/slight bald spot on the back of my head.
People are just utter arseholes.

BigusBumus · 25/01/2019 15:31

My horrible Aunty Vicky has said many things to me over the years starting with "You don't have a thigh gap, my has a thigh gap. That means you'll always have fat legs". I was 10.

For various reason I no longer have anything to do with that toxic side of my family.

HRTpatch · 25/01/2019 15:31

"She is very plain and will always be on the shelf"
My mother to a neighbour when I was 14.

Whisky2014 · 25/01/2019 15:33

Oh my mum told me I was a trollop (because I wore makeup). Another time that i was pretty but not as pretty as her. Actually she's said that a few times.
I used to be sick every morning before school (see above stories, can't imagine why) and my dad burst into the bathroom saying "oh great you're a fucking bulimic now are you?" ...I was suffering from anxiety! Ffs.

weleasewoderick22 · 25/01/2019 15:34

My parents split when I was 10 and I stayed with my dad and mum left. They tried to get back together and, unknown to me, she came back late at night. I went in my dad's room in the morning to say bye as I was on my way to school.

They were in bed together, I hadn't seen my mum for months. The first thing she said to me was "gawd, you smell. You need a bath and some deodorant"

Cheers mum, you horrible cow. ( she's dead now)

cooldarkroom · 25/01/2019 15:35

Fat has been a label I’ve worn all my life, even when I wasn’t. I suppose I felt I might as well actually be fat. I now cannot ever imagine being anything else.

this resonates completely, due to remarks from my mother & grandmother, I am shocked now when I see photos of myself as a child/teenager/young woman/young mother/middle aged, that in fact, I am not & never had been fat.
I have had a complex about my body my entire life. it continues

dartitus · 25/01/2019 15:36

My dad only has one working arm, a boy in my school would walk around me with one arm behind his back taking the piss out of my dad, I got suspended for a week because of what I did in retaliation. I never even told my dad why and my mum made a different excuse because I couldn’t bear to tell him that someone did that about him. Still makes me upset to this day when I think about it.

Escapenextyear · 25/01/2019 15:40

I was bullied at secondary school. Had a couple of good friends had non in most of my lessons .
Walked into science one day and a table of pupils started laughing , teacher asked them why and they said they were laughing at my fringe .
A girl in my form was having a party and me and my best friend were the only ones not invited , she said something along the lines of ‘I’m not inviting those losers’.
I could go on! Hated school

BowBeau · 25/01/2019 15:46

It’s so sad to read all these comments that were said to kids but still affect them decades later as adults. People who don’t take kids bullying seriously should read this thread.

April2020mom · 25/01/2019 15:47

This happened one day. I took DD for her first ever haircut. The hairdresser asked me “Why is she so short”? DD was six or seven months old at the time. I was certainly caught off guard by her unexpected question. This is the same person who says she knows everything about physical disabilities.

Soulsista14 · 25/01/2019 15:47

This thread is breaking my heart.

I once overheard my mums friend say that she thought I had such a pretty face but it was a shame my hair was so terrible. What hurt the most was hearing my mum agree with her.