to think pamper parties for primary school children is not appropriate

[dancinginthehall]

I don't want to de-rail another thread, so thought I'd start a new one. My 9 year old niece has been invited to a couple of these recently and doesn't particularly enjoy them. Her parents aren't particularly keen either.

AIBU to wonder why young girls can't just remain children for a while and not have these grown up style events pushed on them? Surely at 9 party games or bowling or a trip to the cinema is more appropriate than having their make up and nails done?

Tinty

Ahh so you told her that she doesn't need make up to make her pretty, so not quite "she knows that she doesn't need to wear make up to make her pretty". Luckily she has a sensible mum who tells her make up is for a show etc and that she doesn't need it to be pretty.

Yes I see what you're saying. I guess there are parents out there that do push make up and fashion on to their children from a vanity point of view but I think there's a balance in between in treating it as a bit of fun as we do. She knows looks aren't important because I have brought her up to believe that. I find it hard (well sad) to believe that there are parents who encourage their children otherwise. Until you made this point I just took it for granted that all children would know they don't need make up to make them pretty. I'm not great at writing what I'm trying to say I hope I'm making sense?

In fact, it's better for you not to use these chemicals on your body.

Oh no, not the dreaded chemicals .

It probably depends on mums attitude to makeup etc as well. I always put on makeup do my hair have my nails done every two weeks and dress well even when slobbing around at home. As such I will have a different attitude to a pamper party than someone who doesn't really bother with these things and indeed my kids will have a different experience from someone who doesn't wear much make up and puts their hair in a ponytail to do a school run so will probably be more into make up etc. Neither is right or wrong each to their own.

When my DD was nine she had a part where the girls all had their nails painted and glitter tattoo type things by a lady who did this type of thing. Then they went mad on a hired bouncy castle, bashed several piñatas, had lots of party good and finished off with a chocolate fountain. It was a mixture of everything and my DD says that was her best party.

'Party' and 'food'! Sorry, I'm ready for a few days off!

Parents really do push these ideas on their children though. My (otherwise fairly sensible) friend said to me the other week that she wishes her 14 yo dd (my dd's friend) would dress 'more feminine' and that she often tries to persuade her to put 'just a touch of lippy' on when they go out as a family. Ffs, why would you do that?!

I think I will set up a company providing worthy parties. No gender stuff whatsoever, wholesome fun only, probably magicians. No glitter, dancing, football, nerf guns, nail varnish or hair chalk allowed. The parents can then pat themselves on the back at how marvellous they are. Some kids will be unhappy on their birthday but hey that’s too bad.

I kind of like the idea of doing this all together as a special occasion party with friends, and it being for fun rather than for attracting boys or whatever. Lots of small people like being colourful and glittery, boys and girls, and it's not the only thing that will be an influence in their life.

Sorry your niece doesn't enjoy these parties though. That's a shame. Maybe her parents can arrange to do something nice with her the next time one happens to give her an excuse not to go?

I think I will set up a company providing worthy parties. No gender stuff whatsoever, wholesome fun only, probably magicians.

I'd be careful. Someone will find magicians very inappropriate

You are right - scratch magicians. Food has to be healthy too. No sugar obviously. Think I’m onto a winner here!

My 5 year old is off to her first pamper party next weekend. It's in a children ms hair salon. It will be hair up and glitter spray, painted nails and lip gloss. She is very excited as are the birthday girl and children invited. I can't see the issue tbh

It probably depends on mums attitude to makeup etc as well. I always put on makeup do my hair have my nails done every two weeks and dress well even when slobbing around at home.

I have misled you then, because I always wear makeup, even if I am staying at home. I don’t think I have ever not worn makeup since I started wearing it at 15. I always get my hair done and dress well (I think).

I just think little girls have such a short time before they grow up. They don’t need make up etc in Primary school.

I will be letting my dd wear make up when she is older if she wants to. I don’t think wearing makeup makes someone a slut as a PP implied (unless of course I am one)

I think I will set up a company providing worthy parties.

Knock yerself out. My kids don't have worthy parties, they just have parties (which don't involve 'pampering'). There are a gazillion things a child can do for their birthday which aren't sexist, age-inappropriate nonsense, without being 'worthy'.

@MsTSwift joking aside I think you'd make a bloody fortune.

I think I will set up a company providing worthy parties. No gender stuff whatsoever, wholesome fun only, probably magicians. No glitter, dancing, football, nerf guns, nail varnish or hair chalk allowed. The parents can then pat themselves on the back at how marvellous they are. Some kids will be unhappy on their birthday but hey that’s too bad.

😂😂😂

no photos allowed either, no 'making memories' here far too common 🤔

A huge proportion of children’s play is pretending to be grown up - I don’t see that pamper parties are any different from playing dolls, kitchens, doctors, firefighters etc etc unless you’re making a value judgement about make up and people who wear it. I wouldn’t refuse to allow my dd to play with dolls because she’s got years ahead of being a parent!

In the long run, they’ll probably take after what is modelled to them by their parents. I used to play with make up as a child but very rarely wear it now. So I couldn’t care less if my dd likes playing with make up now, as I consider it far from inevitable that putting make up on is going to form such a major part of her adult life....

I don't like them at all. My DD was invited to a 6th party that was a pamper party. She didn't enjoy it at all and ended up getting burnt by the curling tongs which didn't help matters! It was a professional lady using them on her too! I just want her to be a little girl while she still IS a little girl, and thankfully she is still very much a little girl.

YADNBU I'm sick of shit like this.

I did one for my dd, it’s just playing and having fun. I checked with all parents first about what they were happy with. They decorated photo frames and took home a pic of them all together. It was what dd wanted. The following year she had a trampoline party. I’m a make up wearing feminist with a range of interests and while I don’t want my dd to grow up thinking her looks are the most important thing about her I’m not going to try and stop her from exploring with make up etc when she chooses to.

New Zealand is clearly on a different planet because I have never heard of pamper parties for children (and I have a nearly 9 year old girl).
I think it is a terrible idea for various reasons. I also think that all of the girls that I know would find it excruciatingly boring - no one would like a party that involves so much sitting around, no physical or mental challenges, games and competitions. We have a big garden and for her 8th birthday organised a sort-of "amazing race" combination of problems to solve and physical challenges, for about 15 girls and boys between 7 and 10. But even those girls organising girls-only smaller parties are having ice-skating, horse riding and similar outings. Tbf, they seem way more fun to me too.

my children loved having their nails painted and glitter tattoos at a party recently. They are boys.

Because your children are boys then nail polish and glitter tattoos are perfectly acceptable

For goodness sake do you not realise its possible for girls to like both sets of activities. My 8 year old daughter loves “pamper activities” and whirling my glitter highlighter brush around her face. She also loves to dance and does various dance lessons over the week.

However she also loves planning her own ninja warrior course, standing on her head, forest school and running around.

She is a complete firebrand with an advanced level of emotional intelligence with an acute ability to read situations.

I’m not sure i’m parenting that wrong to be honest.

I think playing with makeup or trying different hairstyles is one thing , while organizing parties in which girls sit around while someone is prettifying them (a mother or, worse, professional) is a completely different thing - the topic of this thread is the latter, surely.