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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think pamper parties for primary school children is not appropriate

317 replies

dancinginthehall · 24/01/2019 11:12

I don't want to de-rail another thread, so thought I'd start a new one. My 9 year old niece has been invited to a couple of these recently and doesn't particularly enjoy them. Her parents aren't particularly keen either.

AIBU to wonder why young girls can't just remain children for a while and not have these grown up style events pushed on them? Surely at 9 party games or bowling or a trip to the cinema is more appropriate than having their make up and nails done?

OP posts:
DonCorleoneTheThird · 24/01/2019 14:17

CreakyBlinder
You really can't see the difference between a teenager and a primary school child, and what is appropriate for each? If you had one of each , you would treat them the same way would you?

Maldives2006 · 24/01/2019 14:17

Do you allow your boys to go to laser/nerf gun parties?

Maldives2006 · 24/01/2019 14:19

Because shock, horror!! some girls like glitter, make up, dance and clothes !!

The same as my son likes football, nerf guns and playing with his play station.

Maldives2006 · 24/01/2019 14:20

What bad message is it sending out?

BarbarianMum · 24/01/2019 14:21

very good Maldives now think about why they like those things and why, in the context of a heavily gendered society, it might be problematic.

JacquesHammer · 24/01/2019 14:24

very good Maldives now think about why they like those things and why, in the context of a heavily gendered society, it might be problematic

Clearly you went to patronising twat themed parties when you were a child. Just look at the effect it’s had. A tragic and cautionary tale.

Tinty · 24/01/2019 14:25

We had a discussion when she was wearing lipstick for her dance show and I told her that it would be a one off (as it was pink) and how she doesn't need make up to make her pretty.

Ahh so you told her that she doesn't need make up to make her pretty, so not quite "she knows that she doesn't need to wear make up to make her pretty". Luckily she has a sensible mum who tells her make up is for a show etc and that she doesn't need it to be pretty.

But we are talking about all the little Primary school age children whose parents let their little DD's wear make up and have pamper parties, not just a little bit of lip gloss and sparkly hairspray but full on makeovers. But why do DD's need to be doing this at 6 - 8, what have they got to look forward to when they are teenagers? My mum let me finally have my ears pierced at 14 (after me nagging her for years), I still remember it now because I was so excited to finally be "grown up" and have my ears done. She also didn't let me wear make up until I was 14 and it felt fun and grown up to do that. If I had been wearing it since 8, what is there left to look forward to as a young teenager?

And I won't even go into the 11 year olds at my DD's School who look like they are 14 - 15 with all the make up on.

GerryblewuptheER · 24/01/2019 14:27

And I won't even go into the 11 year olds at my DD's School who look like they are 14 - 15 with all the make up on

Because everything that could happen with an 11 yr old would he appropriate for a 14/15 yr old too?

CreakyBlinder · 24/01/2019 14:29

No I wouldn't treat them the same, but FFS it's a one off party! Perspective is needed!

CreakyBlinder · 24/01/2019 14:30

jacqueshammer Grin

Cheekysquirrel · 24/01/2019 14:33

Prior to dd, now 3, I was similarly scathing.

But although dd is only 3 I feel fairly sure that this is exactly the sort of party she will be asking for. She likes football and climbing and sword fighting with her brother - but she mainly likes princesses and pink and jewellery and make up. She hasn’t been pushed into that, although I suppose tv will have had some influence. That’s just what she is like - she’s been asking for her nails to be painted for over a year (I don’t even paint my nails) and I will do her toe nails with a clear glitter. Again prior to having her I’d have probably rolled my eyes at it but now I feel like it’s harmless and it makes her happy so why not?

Eatmycheese · 24/01/2019 14:35

Hi five @JacquesHammer

Star
Tinty · 24/01/2019 14:36

Because everything that could happen with an 11 yr old would he appropriate for a 14/15 yr old too?

What are you talking about?

Everything that could happen with an 11 year old would be appropriate for a 14/15 year old too?

If you mean sex, then no a 14/15 year old shouldn't be having sex, they may or may not. But if you have 11 year olds looking like they are 15 and in year 10 as opposed to looking like they are 11 and in Year 7 then yes that can cause problems. A girl I went to school with slapped on the make up and was admittedly in year 8 but she was going out with a year 11 in a different school, she was 12 and told him she was 15, without her make up she looked her age, with make up on she looked a lot older.

GerryblewuptheER · 24/01/2019 14:39

cheeky

Dd1 hasn't worn dresses in 6 years. (She's 12 now) she only wore school skirts as there were no trousers that fitted. She hates pink. She was on the school cricket team. She likes football , hockey, badminton, cricket, swimming. She lives in skinny jeans and leggings. Wont entertain wearing anything pink sparkly glittery and prefers dms and trainers over ballet lump shoe things . Won't even wear a leotard for gymnastics.

In holidays she likes to occasionally paint her nails or get her dad to plait her hair so she gets to wear it different to a pony tail.

She also wants to join the police force in the dog squad.

She attended one pamper party.

GerryblewuptheER · 24/01/2019 14:46

Surely though she shouldn't have lied about her age?

And her parents should have been aware of where she was going and who with?

Fyi I used to lie about my age all the time. I looked alot younger than I was. It does not stop boys and men unfortunately. Hebce why I went out with a 26 year old man at 16. Without make up by the way.

FuckingYuleLog · 24/01/2019 14:47

Not rtft but I see no harm in them. My dd went to a few and while she wasn’t interested in that kind of party herself she had a good time with her friends and the world continues to turn.
I’d remind your niece that people’s birthday parties are generally about what they are interested in rather than her.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplands · 24/01/2019 14:55

Today I bought my DD 10, a set of 3 crop type vests to wear under her school shirt. And they were pale pink. With a sparkly trim.

dons hard hat and waits for MN wrath to rain down

whiteroseredrose · 24/01/2019 15:04

Gosh what a self righteous bunch.

If the party boy or girl wants a theme it should be up to them.

My DC chose their own parties. One of DD's parties was a pamper party. They sat soaking feet in scented water with cucumber on their eyes. Then had finger and toe nails painted and their hair up. There were crafts to do too. She's also had a luge party, a Nerf party and a treetop party. They were all things she enjoyed so she chose those themes. No one was any more or less laudable than the others.

DD has loved messing with make up for years. Now 15 she wears a tiny bit when she goes out. DS 19 has never been to a pamper party in his life but does use facial wash, spot cream and moisturiser. Nothing to do with me. I'm lucky if I slap moisturiser on every couple of days.

My point is, a party is a party. Just a bit of fun.

Poloshot · 24/01/2019 15:05

100% agree. Load of bollocks, don't need this at 9 years of age.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplands · 24/01/2019 15:08

Quite, Whiterose. I played with make up at the same age (probably looked like Barbara Cartland Confused) but then as I went through my teens, twenties and so on I'd say the amount I actually wore has decreased the older I've got mainly coz it highlights the lines now).

icannotremember · 24/01/2019 15:10

Don't care really. If that's what the birthday child wants, I see no harm in it. Kids enjoying messing around with makeup and facepacks and things is hardly a big deal.

Daisiesinavase · 24/01/2019 15:14

Wearing make up, beauty treatments, nail polish etc isn't "looking after yourself". In fact, it's better for you not to use these chemicals on your body.

Daisiesinavase · 24/01/2019 15:16

And putting makeup on isn't "pampering"!

jellycatspyjamas · 24/01/2019 15:17

I’m assuming the folk here claiming the idea of children wanting to play with/experiment with make up etc don’t use beauty products, make up or cosmetics themselves?

My DD is 7 and loves glittery nails and lip balm. She sees me getting ready in the morning, using cleanser and moisturiser, putting on body lotion, wearing make up and she wants to copy me. I’m not telling her she needs make up to look pretty, or that girls need to do girly things - she sees my morning routine and wants to do the same.

I do occasionally let her have her nails painted, we’ve done face masks together (good excuse for 10 mins peace) and she gets to wear lip gloss sometimes. She’s copying her mum, which is fine in my book)

My DS has also asked to try my make up but didn’t like the feel of lip gloss on his lips.

My DD would love a pamper type party with glittery nails and face masks, I don’t see the harm tbh.

wellhellothereall · 24/01/2019 15:32

My DD has a pamper party at 9 because she wanted one. She, unlike many other 15 year olds doesn't draw on slug eyebrows and massive lips. Therefore I conclude having a pamper party does not mean you are going to trowel it on in your teens