to think pamper parties for primary school children is not appropriate

[dancinginthehall]

I don't want to de-rail another thread, so thought I'd start a new one. My 9 year old niece has been invited to a couple of these recently and doesn't particularly enjoy them. Her parents aren't particularly keen either.

AIBU to wonder why young girls can't just remain children for a while and not have these grown up style events pushed on them? Surely at 9 party games or bowling or a trip to the cinema is more appropriate than having their make up and nails done?

but I’d prefer you not to invite my 9 yr old to do it

Oh dear, that's all a bit "I'm a better parent" isn't it?

If your child gets invited and you don't want them to go, just say no thank you. Just like we did when DD got invited to a party we knew she wouldn't like.

I'm not keen on make up on kids but my DD went to one that was glitter hair, nail varnish and face painting which I thought was fine.

@Ghanagirl it's not about them looking pretty it's about being allowed to see what they look like with makeup on and just having fun all kids are different I guess.

Dressing up and face paint is completely different Jacques. The emphasis there is on imagination not looking pretty.

Cleanse and tone for primary age kids?!

The massive issue is the very clear message that this is something you should really care about. That your face, your hair, your nails, the way you dress are a huge and defining part of who you are and will be. Age 9.

Dressing up and face paint is completely different Jacques. The emphasis there is on imagination not looking pretty

It wasn't "dressing up and face paint" - the point was, that there was something there for everyone. So it wasn't "teach your daughter to wear 74 layers of makeup", it was "here's the products kids, knock yourselves out" with no empasis on style, beauty etc.

I don't see it any differently than kids role-playing.

I don't like it either. It's rarely about kids dressing up as cats and usually about them being made to look like teenagers with faces full of make up and painted nails.

I agree with a pp. It's very sad when a group of girls of an age when we were still playing with dolls and skipping ropes can't think of anything more fun to do.

And the parents who organise these parties are bloody annoying, as a lot of parents really don't like their kids attending. But presumably they take the selfish attitude that 'my dd likes it so the guests will have to put up with it'.

The bridezillas of the future.

If my dd was invited to one, I'd definitely let her go to it. Inwardly I'd prefer them to do something more traditional and less looks based as an activity.

DD was invited to one a few months ago, all kids were 6 / 7. It didn't bother me on principle, I thought she might come back with platted hair and some glittery lip gloss on or something.

When I picked her up she had a full face of make up on, complete with dark pink blusher, blue eye shadow, mascara, dark lipstick, glitter everywhere including her hair, blue nail polish... She looked like one of these poor pageant kids, the only thing missing was a fake tan.

DD thought it was brilliant. I, on the other hand, was less than impressed. She was only 6 at the time, I thought the whole thing was really OTT.

The party bag also contained make up, purple longstay lipstick and nail polish. That went straight in the bin.

But presumably they take the selfish attitude that 'my dd likes it so the guests will have to put up with it'

Isn't that literally the premise of every birthday party

At 5 DD went to a tractor party because birthday boy was obsessed - very niche!

It's not that easy to say 'no' to a child who wants to go to her friend's party.

And I agree that there's something vapid about it.

Girls don't just spontaneously decide that what's fun for girls is to make yourself look pretty and that what's fun for boys is to run around and play. Or, to quote a previous poster, that 'looking after yourself' pretty much just means being clean for boys, but means time-consuming primping and adornment for girls.

I wear make-up because I got into the habit of hating how I looked without it as a teen. I am so glad my teenage dd doesn't feel the need.

I actually have a big issue with these too. They put facemasks on little girls with perfect skin, for what? To teach them that girls can always be better, than you can always look better, than even at 9 you should be looking for a way to perfect yourself? I have no problem with parties where they get their hair done, bit of nail varnish and glitter and look like little girls. But full makeup, face masks, manicures etc is too far IMO

I agree OP, I find them tacky and not appropriate. Nine year olds should be doing lots of things other than being pampered. My dd would hate to be invited to this type of party, she’s now a lot older and would still hate it. 9 year olds don’t need pampering, there are many other activities they can do for their birthday.

YABU. 7 year old DD went to one a few weeks ago, they had fancy chairs and foot spas, the ladies painted their nails and put glitter tattoos on them. They also made jewellery, had party games and karaoke. They all had a fabulous time. Completely harmless.

My DD was invited to one when she was 4, so I took her. We were both unbelievably bored and couldn't wait to leave. They're just a bit vapid in my opinion.

Of course you can say no, but then your child feels upset and left out, and the birthday child has fewer guests and may feel offended by refusals (as may the parent). Better to find a less divisive activity IMO and save the make up for older parties.

My DDs haven’t been to any “niche interest” parties - the parents try to choose something everyone will like.

It's not that easy to say 'no' to a child who wants to go to her friend's party

It really isn't, or shouldn't be that hard!

My DD had one when she was about 8. It was a great hit. The woman did some nice pamper things with the girls, applied light, sparkly make up and pale pink nail polish. They didn't have to do the pamper bits it if they didn't want to. She brought a karaoke machine with her and some of them preferred to sing. I also provided craft materials for them to get creative with. It was a lovely party.

My daughter is 5. She got a nail varnish set for christmas from her godfather and loves it. She also loves pamper nights in when Dad is away working and we do face masks and so on. She likes it.

If the child doesn't like it, don;t take apart but saying it's inappropriate is a bit OTT.

I've found that the girls who are allowed to do things like this are the ones who aren't covered in makeup at 14 and know how to look after their skin and so on.

I’ve never heard of pamper parties involving full face of make up? My DD has one for her 9th. Nail varnish and natural face packs, glitter tattoos, chocolate fountain, karaoke machine and fruit punch in cocktail glasses. They loved it. Place that did it didn’t have make up as an option at all. My DD is very girly (unlike me) I’m not going to tell her there is anything wrong with that. No way she’d like a bouncy castle instead!

the parents try to choose something everyone will like

Surely with a wide variety of interests that's impossible?!

I just can't imagine as a parent expecting other parents not to do whatever party their kid really wants to ensure other parents aren't offended!

When DD was 9 (ish I can't remember) she wanted a dance party. SO we did one. Most of the boys said they didn't want to come - totally their call, but wouldn't have been fair on DD to say she couldn't have one because we had to please other people.

Some girls like that sort of thing. Some don't. Demonizing traditionally "girly" girls isn't any better than demonizing less girly girls.

My argument would be that little girls shouldn’t be in a position to like this sort of thing. ie. it isn’t something that should even be on their radar at so young an age.

I agree, sad and vapid.

And it should only be about the party child's wishes to a certain extent. If it's something a lot of the guests are unlikely to enjoy then that's just teaching your child to be selfish and to put herself first.

Bridezillas indeed.

"I've found that the girls who are allowed to do things like this are the ones who aren't covered in makeup at 14 and know how to look after their skin and so on."

This old myth.