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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think pamper parties for primary school children is not appropriate

317 replies

dancinginthehall · 24/01/2019 11:12

I don't want to de-rail another thread, so thought I'd start a new one. My 9 year old niece has been invited to a couple of these recently and doesn't particularly enjoy them. Her parents aren't particularly keen either.

AIBU to wonder why young girls can't just remain children for a while and not have these grown up style events pushed on them? Surely at 9 party games or bowling or a trip to the cinema is more appropriate than having their make up and nails done?

OP posts:
DayManChampionOfTheSun · 25/01/2019 06:26

I wouldn't realise that pamper party meant putting on makeup. I would assume it would be more of a spa situation, nice face pack (maybe shown how to make their own ones and use them with a bit of yogurt and banana, really just messy fun) and a foot soak. I would have loved that as a child! It's pretty gender neutral and I don't think gives out any bad messages really about appearance.

Make up makes it more of a makeover party, I don't think I would love this for a 9year old.

MaisyPops · 25/01/2019 06:42

Personally, pamper parties seem to be part of a movement telling little girls to be pretty. It teaches them (along with highly gendered adverts that there's one way to be a girl).

The sort of party where there's glittery face painting, hair chalks and craft or a bouncy castle sounds great fun.

The sort of party where 9 year olds have face masks and hand/foot treatments and drink juice from champagne glasses sounds like yet another way girls are conditioned that they could always look nicer, have better skin, have better eyes, sit still, have your fizz etc. Then people turn round at 13 and argue that It's their daughter's choice to wear lots of makeup and then they wonder at 15 why so many girls have poor self esteem.

It's not about disliking typically girly interests. It's about thinking that face treatments and sitting around beautifying yourself shouldn't really be priority for even girly children.

Oblomov19 · 25/01/2019 07:00

This thread is an eye opener. I don't feel the way many posters seem to. Interesting. I just can't get worked up about these things.

I'm more interested in butty's mentos rockets! Grin

Oblomov19 · 25/01/2019 07:04

Agree that every party is niche.

Ds2 wanted to go to soft play. And then eat Nutella waffles. I did comment that 'wasn't it a bit young to still be going to soft play/wasn't he a bit old' but he didn't care. It's what he wanted.

Boys his age have bowling, cinema, swimming parties. Football. Staying at home parties playing x box!!

All are niche aren't they?

Roomba · 25/01/2019 07:05

I agree that it seems to be telling girls that they need to be interested primarily in how they look, so I'm not keen on the idea personally. Funny how my sons have never been invited to one (DS loves a face mask for his dry skin - but don't tell anyone, ever!)

It could be worse. My 6 year old was invited to an 'Xbox Call of Duty' party (I shit you not! Sadly, we were 'busy' that day!)

Claudia1980 · 25/01/2019 07:06

Oh for goodness sake loosen up. It’s just a bit of fun! My eight year old loved havyhet nails painted and hair braided etc.

bruffin · 25/01/2019 07:08

Dd went to a couple in primary. She loved them, didnt do her any harm and at 21 never wears make up.

user1466690252 · 25/01/2019 07:08

My son loves a bath with candles and music and bubbles. He also plays rugby at county level. Self care, it’s essential. We all have different things that we do for self care and 9yr olds are figuring out what it is they enjoy. I don’t see any harm in it, equally no harm in them discovering it’s not their thing and trying something else as they grow

PorkPatrol · 25/01/2019 07:11

So if a 9yr old girl asks for a pamper party you’re to tell them ‘no - you’ve been socialised into wanting it’.
Would you say the same to a 9yo boy who wanted a football party?
Having a pamper party for 1 birthday doesn’t mean that you necessarily buy into ‘girls must look pretty above all else’. My dd has had many parties - Disney princess, climbing, bowling, playcentres, trampolining, gaming etc. She hates dresses now and wears no make up.
Not pushing ‘girly’ things on girls doesn’t mean completely disallowing anything that isn’t considered neutral or boyish. That would be restricting them a lot.

MysweetAudrina · 25/01/2019 07:32

That would be my dds idea of a nightmare. She probably wouldn't go. She had her party yesterday. We had a gaming van with 11 consoles and pizza. There is no way she would wear makeup.

JustDanceAddict · 25/01/2019 07:35

DD went to one. Think was Year 6. She wasn’t into make-up and beauty then and just felt awkward.
Now at 16 she does wear make up but at 10 had no interest.
Not sure it’s ‘harmful’ but it does leave out those girls who aren’t into that (I wasn’t either at10!)

user1471426142 · 25/01/2019 07:45

I would have loved it at that age to be honest but I’d have also enjoyed most types of parties and having a variety of experiences can only be a good thing really. Having seen my niece and nephews parties, it is very hard to pick something that suits all kids. My niece is very sporty and has always wanted to do things like go carting, climbing etc like her brother. She’s had to accept that some of her friends won’t want to do the same if she picks what she likes. It’s the same for the pamper type parties. Lots will love it, some hate it, some won’t be allowed to go. That’s life really.

CreakyBlinder · 25/01/2019 07:46

I find it sad that lots of posters are defending this by saying 'as well as having a make up party, my DD is also strong and smart, and never wears make up now'.

You don't have to do that. It's fine. It's all fine.

itsbritneybiatches · 25/01/2019 07:54

We had a pamper for my daughters 5th birthday.

They got their make up and hair done like a Disney Princess and then picked a Disney
Princess dress to wear.

Party package came with sweets, chocolate
Fountain, games and bits and bobs etc.

Kids loved it. Make up was a bit of glitter and a bit of gloss. Hair was a frozen plait or some curls.

Can't get worked up about it. She likes getting the make up out and playing dress up. If she didn't, we'd have had a party that was themed with something else she was interested in like arachnophobia or Jurassic Park.

Kids like playing dress up. Kids like playing with make up.

BlackPrism · 25/01/2019 08:01

I had one at that age... it was fun

bruffin · 25/01/2019 08:09

Creakyblinder

its just they seemed to think that the child is doomed for life because of a pamper party

Not sure it’s ‘harmful’ but it does leave out those girls who aren’t into that
Most parties leave out someone who "is not into that"
My dcs had a rafting party with pizza in their teens, are you telling me that all kids would really enjoy that, or the gaming party someone mentioned above.
As I said above my DD was not into make up at 10 and still isnt at 21 but really enjoyed the pamper parties she went to

CuppaSarah · 25/01/2019 08:15

My 5 year old would love a pamper party. The ones around here are just some nail paint, glitter face paint and hair braiding, whole watching a film and playing. Entirely age appropriate. The older ones where they do actual make up and fizzy drinks in wine glasses make me a little uncomfortable, but if that's what your child likes then surely making it into a big treat isn't harmful? It's like face painting or fancy dress. If it were a regular thing 'just because' that would be sending more harmful message. I think making a big deal about these things turns into a far more exciting idea anyway. Plus with social media it's good for children to understand the process of putting on lots of make up and that people they see online and on TV aren't naturally that way.

woollyheart · 25/01/2019 08:33

Some small children might like pamper parties. My main objection would be that it is about as gender limiting as you can get.

Ok, some of you will cite the odd male child who came along and enjoyed it. But you know that most boys would assume they were not welcome.

CreakyBlinder · 25/01/2019 09:02

Not much different to a football party then, given how few girls are really into playing football.

woollyheart · 25/01/2019 09:04

Possibly, although I know quite a few women and girls who are mad at rugby and football and would want to go along.

woollyheart · 25/01/2019 09:05

Mad on not at

nolongersurprised · 25/01/2019 09:10

One of my daughters went to one a few years ago and enjoyed it as it was something different. She hasn’t worn a dress voluntarily since about 4 years, (she’s 10 now), has never played with dolls and is very good at both maths and sport. I didn’t think she’d enjoy it but she did, she found it interesting how her eyes looked different with make up onSmile

bruffin · 25/01/2019 09:11

Possibly, although I know quite a few women and girls who are mad at rugby and football and would want to go along.

Just as i knew a couple of boys who would have loved a pamper party.

CreakyBlinder · 25/01/2019 09:13

Yeah, a few. Not the majority, which is what you'd get with boys and football parties.

1wokeuplikethis · 25/01/2019 09:22

I think they’re just a bit of fun and nothing to get worked up over.

If you’re a parent who always does a big party for your kid’s birthday, I imagine by their 9th or 10th you’d be running out of be ideas a bit and bouncy castles/face painting will have been done to death by then (for them and for their friends parties). And you want your child to enjoy their party. It’s something potentially different, but then so is lazer tag, do people get upset about those too that it’s teaching 6 year olds how to battle as if they’re soldiers?!