to think pamper parties for primary school children is not appropriate

[dancinginthehall]

I don't want to de-rail another thread, so thought I'd start a new one. My 9 year old niece has been invited to a couple of these recently and doesn't particularly enjoy them. Her parents aren't particularly keen either.

AIBU to wonder why young girls can't just remain children for a while and not have these grown up style events pushed on them? Surely at 9 party games or bowling or a trip to the cinema is more appropriate than having their make up and nails done?

DonCorleoneTheThird - I get your point but boys and girls are different, very fee boys would be seen dead cuddling a sparkly unicorn too? Don't get me wrong, I'm with you if they wanted to wear it all the time at 9, but to just play with it? My mum never had rules on make up and I wasn't interest, my friends mum was strict and she used to sneak it out. Could be our personalities but I wasn't told it was'wrong' to be interested in anything

You do realise that just because a child attends one of these parties doesn't mean they'll grow up to be "vapid", a "bridezilla" or even someone who enjoys make-up?

There was a focus on make-up when I was a child in the 80s. Those doll heads you applied make up to, glitter, heavy make up, permed hair, false lashes etc. I went to a party once that was a "makeover" party that involved all of the above. As a tree-climbing, fire building, computer game playing little girl, I had fun.

I strongly dislike weddings, make up, fashion etc and I'm certainly not vapid. My entire personality didn't change because I attended a party and dabbled in make up.

Some children enjoy things, some don't. Promote positive body image at home and job done.

By the way, my 10 year old DS loves a "pamper". He paints his nails and has had a professional manicure a few times. He loves glitter, hair colour, face masks and bath products.

No, my child wouldn't know. It's quiet judgement. The kind that makes you think, well I know I wouldn't get on with that person. As plenty of people will think about me too

You don't know anything about them other than they like makeup.

Oooh I've just booked one for my youngest 8th birthday . She's been to two or so - she enjoyed it. She likes getting her hair plaited and her nails painted - she likes matching the colours to her earrings . If other parents roll their eyes, fair play to them. There's loads of choices they make that I'm eyerollery at. If they don't want their kids to go, they can put their big parent pants on and explain to their kids why they don't find it appropriate.
My soon to be 8 year old is the youngest of three girls, I'm fully confident that a 90 minute party won't influence her in a way that all our other parenting negates.
Am I common as another poster put it - maybe, am I noveau rich? - a chance would be a fine thing. If parents don't want their kids to hang out with mine - that's up to them, although good luck with those kind of choices as your kids get older.

But what if it’s coming from your child? I look after myself but am far far from a make up as a hobby person it’s a means to an end. Only recently started dying hair to hide the grey! Dd2 however is extremely into fashion and beauty this is NOT encouraged by us we prefer sports but it is what it is. On her birthday she within reason gets to choose. Am not overriding her into having a worthy party she won’t really enjoy to appease other parents.

I like make up and ‘self care’ but in the UK we have taken it too far with kardashian levels of vanity.
We look slightly mad with the eyebrows, nails and orange completions.
I don’t allow my kid to be so vain - it isn’t healthy and all the pouting just creates a mindset that means people will not take you seriously if you spend so much time getting ready in the morning.
I really notice it when I travel to France and the children and parents look a little more natural.

Yanbu one of DS' school mates had one of these when she turned five😕. Her mum is a beautician. But even so.

Fortunately DS wasn't invited.

But @FaFoutis why?

I enjoy a peaceful 20 minutes in the morning, choosing eyeshadow to complement my outfit, choosing how to style my hair each day. DH wrangles the kids while I put music on and get myself ready to face the day.

It's not a hobby, but it's certainly a pastime I enjoy.

If you can find something to judge in that I feel fucking sorry for your bitterness.

just creates a mindset that means people will not take you seriously if you spend so much time getting ready in the morning

How on earth do people know how long someone spends getting ready in the morning?!

Do you have a handy guide as to how long is optimum getting ready time, just so we know who to take seriously?

There's always the risk of making it seen like a bigger deal than it is

My kid would have come home washed it off cos it itches and not bother again.

The more you ban it the nore appeal it has.

Wish we could teach our girls they can be pretty and talented . It's a better message than no one will take you seriously unless you shave your head and don't shower for a week and borrow your dad's lynx.

Do you think there's an anti-glitter and unicorns area on the Y chromosome Frazzled or do you think perhaps that some social conditioning may be involved? And do you think the old trope "boys and girls are different" doesnt have a hell of a lot of sexism underneath it? Do you think that a world where boys get to be strong and active whilst girls like glitter and kittens and make up might not be in anyone's best interest, esp girls.

I can’t really get wound up about kids having pamper parties. Children tend to reflect the society we live in. I think the issue is women spending huge sums on facials, hair treatments and Botox. And girls thinking that is normal.

But you can’t tell adult women what to do so you have to say it’s inappropriate for kids. I think the kids are just playing.

I had a girls world at primary school practice hair and makeup .

I think people over analyse everything

Wow, this thread is yet another one that uncovers just how much some women hate other women. The misogyny is astounding.

Wearing make up apparently = bimbo who doesn't deserve to be taken seriously not, apparently, even liked.

Thanks for your sympathies Creaky, I am the bitterest person I know. If I had such a thing as a hobby it would be 'being bitter'.

enjoy a peaceful 20 minutes in the morning

that's more than 2 hours a week! You are adult, knock yourself out, you could chose to spend 2 hours everyday getting ready if you liked.
I do look and feel a hell lot better if I spend these 2 hours exercising personally

I would judge if you were involving a primary school child into all this though.

I think it strange that a lot of posters think that boys don’t look after their skin.
Both of my boys who are now in their early 20’s have had a skin care regime since early teens as do most of their friendship group.
My youngest at 21 exfoliates, uses moisturiser and will use a blackhead extractor if needed. He gets his hair cut every 4 weeks, showers daily, uses deodorant and aftershave balm. He dresses well in clean well pressed shirts and generally looks after his health and wellbeing from what he eats to working out and skin care.
It is a myth that all boys and young men are smelly, spotted creatures who don’t change their skirt because they are too busy playing COD.

Wearing make up apparently = bimbo who doesn't deserve to be taken seriously
you do know that this thread is about primary school girls, so aged from 4 to 10...

Yes, but I also know that we were originally talking about a party, a one-off, basically playing dress up. But we've strayed from that now too.

Whoever it was that said make up will make you seem less likely to be taken seriously wasn't talking about 4-10 year olds.

don

If a kid wanted to be a fire fighter at 4 eveeyone would be all for it.

I still find it sad that playing with make up and maybe wanting to be a hair dresser or make up artist is something that would be actively discouraged whilst simultaneously everyone would think a boy painting his nails bright pink deserves a parade.

May be it woukd be a novelty that would wear off.

Maybe at 20 they would look back and cringe at looking bright orange through half of school.

Or maybe they become a make up artist on set of films or help accident victims cover their scars in rehab facilities.

Telling a kid they need to look beautiful for boys and makimg everything about their appearance is obviously bad

But to apply a blanket ban on anything lest they become some kind of bimbo is just as bad o think

YABVU. If we don't train 4-10 year olds to be obsessed with their physical appearance then how will cosmetics company CEOs get their well deserved pensions?

Fuck girls mental health!

The massive issue is the very clear message that this is something you should really care about.

Surely the message is that it’s somethibg the birthday child cares about or enjoys. DD went to a football party last week. Doesn’t give a fig about football but had fun. It hasn’t made her think football is something she has to care about. Ditto unicorn parties, trampoline parties, pizza making parties. It’s an activity the birthday child has chosen. Would DD choose it- no. But it doesn’t make it an invalid choice.

My daughter had one for her 7th birthday. I guess that makes me a chav. That's fine, I guess I am chavvy compared to the majority of MN users but compared to others in the town and area that I come from I'm definitely not a chav (by this town's standards. By a posh area's standards then yes I guess that's what they would think of me but luckily I don't live near anyone like this)

Anyway they had nails painted, glittery eyeshadow and lips. Choice of having their hair done in either French pleats, curls or crimped. Mine opted for a pony tail. They danced, played party games, ate sweets, ran around entertaining themselves playing tig etc the way they do at any other party. I done a party bag with stationery, sweets and a bath bomb. Youngest guest was a couple of months off of 5, oldest was 9. No one declined the invite and they all had a great time. My daughter came home and opened her presents and played with her Barbies like any other 7 year old.

Hahaha to birthday party themes being 'something you should really care about'.

Get a life, really, please.

As a pp said, girly things are no less valid than non girly things

There are 'girly' things that are positive and that I encourage all my children to do. Like reading, craft activities, cooking, playing with dolls (where it's role play rather than emphasising appearance, we've 'lost' a few Barbies over the years). Likewise there are so called 'boy' activities that are positive like sport and science that again, I encourage all my children to do.

But teaching children the extremes of masculinity or femininity is not good (for girls the obsession with appearance, for boys the obsession with fighting). And 'pamper' parties for young girls is teaching them that they should care about their appearance above anything else. It's toxic.