to think pamper parties for primary school children is not appropriate

[dancinginthehall]

I don't want to de-rail another thread, so thought I'd start a new one. My 9 year old niece has been invited to a couple of these recently and doesn't particularly enjoy them. Her parents aren't particularly keen either.

AIBU to wonder why young girls can't just remain children for a while and not have these grown up style events pushed on them? Surely at 9 party games or bowling or a trip to the cinema is more appropriate than having their make up and nails done?

It hasn’t made her think football is something she has to care about

There is nothing in society that tells a girl she should care about football. The context is important. Girls are getting the message that they should care about their appearance (above all else) from everywhere. A pamper party just reinforces that.

come on, a little girl all tarted up looks ridiculous, let's be honest!

(that's from a tv show, not a stolen photo from someone before anyone moans).

But society tells boys they should care about football. And yet I see nobody up in arms about that. So it's just make up that seems uniquely dangerous to have knowledge of at a young age, then.

DonCorleone what's the point of your photo? No kid comes out of a pamper party looking like that?!

There is nothing in society that tells a girl she should care about football

There’s plenty of pressure if you’re a boy to like football. Should boys avoid football parties lest they perpetuate another stereotype?

I’m still not seeing all the angst. If your child gets an invitation to a party you don’t want them to attend you decline. It’s not a court summons.

count 100% agree. Pampering and cosmetics related activities are toxic regardless of their gendered nature. I do not what gender equality via the means of men and boys becoming as insecure in their bodies as women and girls are!

Similarly I do not what to redress the gender imbalance by increasing the female violence rate.

Somethings are outright toxic. Obsession with physical appearance is one of them.

football has some tangible benefits....I would like to see more girls playing football rather than fewer boys.

applying cosmetics to kids has no tangible benefits...and leads them on a path to body confidence and self-esteem issues. I don't want more boys or girls falling into that trap.

count
See I think there's alot being put on this pamper party tbh

Mucking about with some make up, when eveeyone ekse is doing it, at a time when it's appropriate to do so, and having a bit of fun , well I don't think that teaches them abything much, not unless you specifically tell them at the time, things like " boys will love how you look" " we should wear this all the time" etc

Now on the other hand sending them off to a sports activity in skirts and heels and a gazillion items of jewellery so they can't properly participate. That tells them nore that appearances matter most. Even if it stops you from doing stuff.

If your kid wanted to plaster herself in make up befire school you just tell them no. That they aren't there to dress up they are there to learn etc

I think its possible to let them enjoy these things and make it clear that tehres a he'll of a lot more to life than glitter

Is that not an image from the TV show Big Fat Gypsy Weddings? None of the kids came out of my daughter's party looking like that you could barely tell they had anything done except from their nails painted. Which I removed before going to school.

But how do we disentangle whether a girl “really” likes having glittery nails, or just thinks she does because of societal norms/pressures without telling her that her choice isn’t a valid one?

And why does it have to lead to “obsession with appearance” any more than any other party leads to obsession with that hobby/interest?

No kid comes out of a pamper party looking like that?!

what do you think they look like? you should have a look at the photos of some of the pamper party company websites of your area. I have seen photos posted by proud mothers.

M3lon of course it does. It also puts vast sums of money into the hands of boys with the bare minimum of education, puts them on a pedestal and into a culture which allows them to do whatever they want, because they can. It's not hard to see that the football world isn't all sweetness and light.

But no - a trip to Boots make up counter is obviously much more dangerous.

There is Jacques. My sons don't like football so I have helped them negotiate this.
Still very different to make-up for little girls though.

Well they don't come out dressed for a gypsy communion, that's for sure.

At my daughters they literally got their nails painted glittery.

football has some tangible benefits

And some incredibly toxic elements perpetuating dangerous messages.

Depends on the child! My eldest who's 4 would absolutely love this already. She asks for me to paint her nails, likes using (clear) lip balm, even asks me to give her a little squirt of my perfume etc.

Yanbu I’m with you OP. The modern world is obsessed with body image and it sucks that children should give any thought to the way they should look at younger and younger ages.

It's not hard to see that the football world isn't all sweetness and light.
oh come on, for the handful of overly paid, not educated football "heroes" with no moral, there are hundred of thousands of kids around the world spending hours running on a football pitch and sharing the right aspect of football (which I don't like, but it's still a sport).

Most of the kids admire the skills of their heroes, not the fact that they can chat up a girl in a nightclub.

Who do the girls aspire to be when they tart up? Not many of them think about Bobbi Brown or Helena Rubinstein.

I think it depends on the girls and what type of ‘pamper party’ it is tbh. My DD8 has attended a few of these. The most age appropriate one was just a bit of glitter hairspray, some glitter nail polish and a bit of glitter make up (like what you’d get at a festival or something). The rest of the time was a tea party and party games. The ‘pampering’ only took up about 30 mins of the party. However, she went to another one which was a bit more full on with lipstick and eyeshadow and dressing up in princess dresses. I was shocked when I picked her up as it wasn’t what I had been expecting after the other party she had attended

And some incredibly toxic elements perpetuating dangerous messages

Well exactly

And again why can't a girl do both?

Can't she wear make up and be captain of her towns under 13s?

She's far more likely to think there's something wrong with her if you treat some nail polish like it's the first step to appearing on TOWIE than if you let them get on with it.

I agree. They usually offer things like Orbeez foot spas, fizzy juice in plastic champagne flutes etc. Urgh. I find most parties unimaginative, but those are the worst.

These parties don't get pushed on girls...they ask for them. And you can't generalise...my daughter went to a party where she was caked in make-up and she was mortified - but she still asked for her own pamper party - except it was really just mascara and lip gloss plus nail varnish and hair. Girls who didn't want to do this were given other options and they also all went ice-skating. Our school's disco does the children's nails as part of the disco ticket - and both girls and boys line up to have their nails painted.The thing is its a phase - like guns for young boys - deny a girl a pamper party and she is likely to just want it more!

Who do girls aspire to be when they grow up?

Excellent question. Not one that has the slightest bit to do with some 9 year olds getting their nails painted once a year at a party, mind you.

YANBU as far as I’m concerned. All part of the conditioning that starts from a v young age and teaches them that it’s the job of girls to make themselves look pretty while the boys get to go off and do laser quest or bowling or whatever.

Also not buying this idea that the kids who are ‘deprived’ of this stuff are more likely to be into make up later on. Not borne out by any of my own or my friends’ experiences growing up.

I do see, though, that there are different kinds of pamper parties. For example, learning how to do interesting plaits and whatnot sounds quite cool, and practical.

These parties don't get pushed on girls...they ask for them

Why do they ask for them?