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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think pamper parties for primary school children is not appropriate

317 replies

dancinginthehall · 24/01/2019 11:12

I don't want to de-rail another thread, so thought I'd start a new one. My 9 year old niece has been invited to a couple of these recently and doesn't particularly enjoy them. Her parents aren't particularly keen either.

AIBU to wonder why young girls can't just remain children for a while and not have these grown up style events pushed on them? Surely at 9 party games or bowling or a trip to the cinema is more appropriate than having their make up and nails done?

OP posts:
bicback · 24/01/2019 12:09

I don't think they are damaging however I don't like what they are part of namely girls growing up far too quickly and early emphasis on the importance of what you look like/being beautiful. I've observed that the people who tend to generally have these kind of parties are more likely to be common and/or flashy nouveaux types 😁

HellsBellsAndBatteredBananas · 24/01/2019 12:15

I think its all about balance. My daughter is 10 and has had a party every year. We have done the bouncy castle and games party, hired function rooms and had craft parties decorating wooden boxes with paints and glitter, making name bead keyrings and jewellery for the kids to take home, had animal parties with Oreo raccoon and friends ( amazing) and had disco parties. The crafts always go down well and the alphabet bead keyrings and jewellery went down a treat, as did the wooden boxes ( we then filled with sweets instead of a party bag).

Sure, my daughter got nail varnish for xmas and some nail stamps as her sister is a beauty therapist and she is interested in the stuff she does. But I would never presume my daughters friends would want to do that, plus, a lot of boys would feel excluded and my daughters best friend is a boy.

CreakyBlinder · 24/01/2019 12:17

My DD went to one of these and it was fine. They just got their nails painted and diamante and emoji stickers stuck on them. The girl in the salon had balloons and juice and cake for them.

After that, they all went to the local park and ran about for a few hours. It doesn't have to be one or the other.

piggybrownhare · 24/01/2019 12:18

My 7 yr old daughter went to one and loved it, they played with photo props, had their hair plaited/glitter dazzles put in and their nails done and then they ate party food. Maybe not all kids would like it but why such a terrible thing? It’s role play, which kids love and the nail varnish came off!

arethereanyleftatall · 24/01/2019 12:20

I disagree op.

I hate the forcing of girly girls to not be so, on their parents own agenda.

If your child doesn't want a pamper party, doesn't want to go to a pamper party, fine, don't go.,

Don't slag off those that do.

Anecdotally, for dds 7th birthday I had a house party for about 15 girls and 5 boys. There was a room with a bouncy castle, a disco room, an arts and crafts room, and I got one of my friends to do hair and nails in another. 17 children spent the entire hour queuing or looking on in the hair and nails room. Their choice.

Knittink · 24/01/2019 12:22

It's not that specific things at these parties are damaging. It's what they represent - i.e. the continued and persistent peddling of the idea that women are there to be decorative. Adult women can choose to what extent they bow to this societal attitude. Primary school children should not be part of it at all. It sends a poor message to them about what girls should be like.

GerryblewuptheER · 24/01/2019 12:23

The troubke is it's really hard to find a happy medium isn't it
If this were a bit coming home with lip gloss and glitter everyone would be thrilled to see the stereotypes smashed.

But as soon as girls like anything "girly" we are somehow damaging them for life.

I'm sure even astronauts, fire fighters,police officers, Neuro surgeons etc All like to dye their hair or wear some lip gloss once in a while. It's possible to he both isn't it? Like to wear a bit of make up and clothes you like and still be a good role model

GerryblewuptheER · 24/01/2019 12:24

A boy

Yinv · 24/01/2019 12:26

My dd went to one at 9 and came back looking like a pageant princess. Professional hair and make up. I was a bit Hmm. she asked me to help her get it off and wanted a shower. She wouldn’t go to one again.

Birdsgottafly · 24/01/2019 12:27

"When I picked her up she had a full face of make up on, complete with dark pink blusher, blue eye shadow, mascara, dark lipstick, glitter everywhere including her hair, blue nail polish... She looked like one of these poor pageant kids, the only thing missing was a fake tan."

That isn't trying to look conventionally pretty, though. It's dress up. As is the purple lipstick.

Assuming things about other people is vapid.

AlexaAmbidextra, so my DD has to hide her makeup usage amd going to get her nails done? Likewise myself, as a Grandmother?

My DDs take my four year old GD with them, when they get their nails done, monthly. If it isn't busy, the owner gives my GD a mini manicure.

As someone whose experienced Girls plaung with make-up, myself included, for 50 years. It doesn't set anyone on a path of thinking they need makeup.

If there's been lots of other types of parties going on, perhaps thays why a pamper party has been picked.

"" It's the opposite in my area, the girls that spent every weekend wearing make up at Primary school now slap a ton of it on, now that it is allowed from year 7 at secondary. The girls that weren't allowed/weren't interested still don't wear it at secondary. ""

Let's see what they are doing at 25. Its about personalities and how you want to look. It works the same with what they eat.

My Sister has statlrted with beauty treatments, in her 60's. She went through a stage in her 20's and then didn't bother.

For the person who talked about skin. You'll often find that a Teen Girl with bad skin will wear heavier foundation. It isn't the foundation that causes the bad skin.

The insults towards, 'Girly Girls' shows a hatred of yourself, as a Woman.

Very few Women neglect their Children/Partnership, to indulge in makeup, but Men do, to carry out their 'hobby', but they aren't called vapid and sad, even when they drag their male children along.

Frazzledmum123 · 24/01/2019 12:28

**Changing your hair colour with one of these chalks things is different, it's fun to have a rainbow head, you are not telling them they look better. But make-up?

But what did you say once they did this? Probably 'ooh that looks cool/funky/pretty so how is that any different? I fully agree that children shouldn't routinely be wearing it but for a bit of fun I don't get the problem. My niece went to one, childs aunt had a salon and they had toes and fingers painted, sparkly face paint type thing and hair done. My niece is very girly (her mum is not at all, she picked it up herself) and the group of friends are all the same. None wear it to school but enjoy playing with it. 1 boy went I believe as he also likes that type of thing but others were excluded, because the party child didn't really play with them.
I can't see the difference between this and things like barbie/princess dolls with pretty dresses you can change? Technically all could be described as teaching kids about looks?
My 5 year old is into girly things, and football, karate, dragons (at the moment). I despise this notion that girls should be not allowed to like princesses and make up etc yet boys can aspire to be footballers, a lot of whom have questionable morals.
And yes, a child should choose their own party, obviously if they are the only ones into it then you should maybe persuade them to pick something else but with the pamper parties, often it is just a couple of people who object and the rest enjoy it from what I've seen

FaFoutis · 24/01/2019 12:29

Most 9 year olds are not equipped to make an informed choice about make-up or whether they are 'girly'. They are not aware of the implications of it all.

BarbarianMum · 24/01/2019 12:31

Of course birds because one can't possibly love oneselve as a woman without huge attention to one's appearance. It's so important for women to be attractive at all times and make up is so central to that. Hmm

MsTSwift · 24/01/2019 12:32

What’s with all these mournful “kids today do parties wrong” threads? To clarify kids are not allowed to enjoy messing around with nail polish and must enjoy magicians. Any other dictats party planning parents must be aware of Hmm

CreakyBlinder · 24/01/2019 12:33

"Very few Women neglect their Children/Partnership, to indulge in makeup, but Men do, to carry out their 'hobby', but they aren't called vapid and sad, even when they drag their male children along."

Yes, this!

Frazzledmum123 · 24/01/2019 12:33

Oh and I told my son he looked handsome/lovely in a suit he wore as a pageboy, I'm fairly confident he isn't going to grow up to feel he has to wear it all the time to fit in with society though!

Moanger · 24/01/2019 12:34

I thought it was going to be about nappies. 😂

FaFoutis · 24/01/2019 12:34

If your hobby is make-up I will quietly make my own judgement of you.

MsTSwift · 24/01/2019 12:36

I am not mad on them but my dd is.We have hot tub so they mucked about in that, decorated t shirts and slippers with fabric paint and big sister and pals platted their hair and they used hair chalk and nail varnish. This was a 10th. Bad bad mummy presumably my dd is now doomed to live life as a bimbo?

DonCorleoneTheThird · 24/01/2019 12:37

Frazzledmum123
If nothing else, the main difference is that my boys -and their friends - like to colour their hair too, green like the hulk being quite a hit. None of the boys would be seen dead wearing make-up..

You can have a girly girl, but I do not believe that it's age appropriate to have pamper and make-up parties at 8 or 9. I don't think it's appropriate for a little girl to be wearing make-up or nail varnish. It doesn't mean you deny their right to be a girl.

I have a wardrobe full of handbags, bathroom cabinets full of make-up (which I don't really bother wearing but still). I have absolutely nothing about girly girls and my daughter liking pink glittery unicorns.

The make-up at that age is a big no, sorry. I wouldn't stop her going to a make-up party, but they are not the sort of families we would be encouraging the kids to hang out with either.

Frazzledmum123 · 24/01/2019 12:38

Fafoutis yes I can see how that's better, judging people on their harmless hobbies! So your child won't grow up to think they need make up but will learn that it's ok to place judgement on someone for being different to you. And people who make comments like that rarely do so quietly, it will be picked up on. Btw, I don't wear make up, cart be arsed

Seline · 24/01/2019 12:40

If your hobby is make-up I will quietly make my own judgement of you.
Why?

JacquesHammer · 24/01/2019 12:41

I wouldn't stop her going to a make-up party, but they are not the sort of families we would be encouraging the kids to hang out with either

So you’d allow them to spend their money entertaining your kid but don’t want to encourage a friendship?

If you object that much, just say “no” to your child going.

Tinty · 24/01/2019 12:42

Let's see what they are doing at 25. Its about personalities and how you want to look. It works the same with what they eat.

Probably wearing make up the same as most women. But they didn't need to start wearing make up at 7 or 8.

A very wise 13 year old I know, said as soon as you start wearing make up, you will always want to wear make up because you will feel you look better with it on. Surely it is better to start wearing make up at 14+ than be feeling you need to wear make up at 10.

FaFoutis · 24/01/2019 12:43

No, my child wouldn't know. It's quiet judgement. The kind that makes you think, well I know I wouldn't get on with that person. As plenty of people will think about me too.

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