to think pamper parties for primary school children is not appropriate

[dancinginthehall]

I don't want to de-rail another thread, so thought I'd start a new one. My 9 year old niece has been invited to a couple of these recently and doesn't particularly enjoy them. Her parents aren't particularly keen either.

AIBU to wonder why young girls can't just remain children for a while and not have these grown up style events pushed on them? Surely at 9 party games or bowling or a trip to the cinema is more appropriate than having their make up and nails done?

Not a party but my Brownies asked for a pamper evening, we did a cleanse and tone using natural products, Yog, oats vinegar, water etc, Cucumber on eyes whilst listening to chill out music, water with fruit in it and the majority enjoyed it.

Spa day Mumsnetters of the future.

My DD would have definitely not gone to that evening at Brownies and that would have been her choice. Personally I couldn't think of anything more boring. (Maybe sewing, knitting ).

How old are these brownies that they think slapping stuff (food) on your face and listening to chill out music constitutes a fun evening?

Would you do pamper nights if your child was a boy Thesnobby? If not, why not?

Your daughter likes it because you have taught her she should.

YANBU
I hate those.

If you allow your daughters - and sons if you wish- to wear make up at 8 or 9, you won't be able to say no when they are older, will you. It's such a slippery slope.

You can tell who will end up caked in make-up later on when they start so young.

I would let my own daughter decide if she wants to join in or not, but we give them enough interests so that they are not obsessed and waste their time with that. At 9 years old, you can still enjoy being a child, you don't need to be pushed by your parents to try to look prettier or older.

@FaFoutis It usually involves hiring in people to do treatments, not just a bit of DIY nail varnish.

It would be more innocent, endearing even, if it was DIY nail varnish.

It’s not something I would ever suggest or encourage for my own DD. I wouldn’t stop her going to one if she was invited, though.

I don’t think it is such a big deal. As a pp said, girly things are no less valid than non girly things. I am also guilty of encouraging my DD to play with pirates and dinosaurs and never mention princesses, but it is just something she has picked up anyway. As long as they have other interests to balance it out, I have no problem with girly things.

As for ‘pampering’, I see it as a role playing/ copying grown ups or mummy thing. If the mum wears make up and has her nails done then it’s natural for the child to want to copy that in play.

Tacky.

Lot's of people here saying "My DD had one and everyone enjoyed it".

Nobody is asking do children enjoy it, they're asking if it's appropriate.

If you allow your daughters - and sons if you wish- to wear make up at 8 or 9, you won't be able to say no when they are older, will you. It's such a slippery slope.

That's not true. My daughter wears make-up for dance and always tries to sneak some more on non-occasions and special occasions. I say "no", or "go take it off". It's really not hard, I'm the parent after all.

I hate them. They’re not marketed towards boys are they? And why is that? Because it’s part of the drip, drip message that runs throughout a child’s life that girls have to sit still and look pretty and boys have to be active and like sports/science etc. Girls of 9 should not know what a ‘pamper’ experience is. They should be encouraged to run around, play and have fun and to not worry about their appearance. My daughter’s currently a toddler. If she’s invited to one of these in the future I will not find it hard to say no.

I think my view is somewhere in the middle. I can’t bear hearing about young kids having full on treatments, fake tans etc but I think having their nails done & some very subtle make up, glitter tattoos etc is fine. Having said that DD10 & I do clash about what she wants to use & what I want her to actually put on her face. She sees it everywhere & wants to fit in, I guess, but she’s beautiful & I really don’t like her feeling the need to cover up. So called “ friends” have apparently told her she’s ugly without make up, which breaks my heart. And even in year 5, there is so much pressure on them.

I don’t think they are appropriate for kids that age although at age 13 plus would have no issue with it. I have heard of people giving them fir 5 year olds to me that’s more about what the parents want than the child.

If the mum wears make up and has her nails done then it’s natural for the child to want to copy that in play.

The difference between a child doing it as play and copying Mommy. I've done my kids nails or put mascara on them when they asked what it was like. Eventually the thrill wears off (usually about 3 minutes after I've done it) and they wash it off and never ask again. But the pamper party I went to was less "play" and more "look how beautiful you are" and very much about looking "pretty".

Sorry
There's a difference between...

Well obviously those who have had a pamper party for their child (me included) thinks they are appropriate! I wouldn't have had it if i didn't think it was appropriate.

It did not make DD2 wear make up too young. In fact her older sister was always the one for wearing too much make up. Even at age 21 DD2 still likes light minimal make up.

DD did something like this for her 8th birthday, had some friends over, one of their mums is a beautician, no full faces of makeup her a bit of eyeshadow, lip gloss, nails painted and hair curled and a some face paint. They enjoyed it, had lots of fun and ran off to play afterwards. It was a one time thing for a bit of fun

YANBU. It's tacky.

"I've found that the girls who are allowed to do things like this are the ones who aren't covered in makeup at 14 and know how to look after their skin and so on."

Whereas I've found that girls who are allowed to do things like this are the ones who are caked in orange foundation to match the front of their legs, caterpillar eyebrows and croydon facelifts at 14 and on close inspection of their skin.... well, I don't know if it's hormones, diet or too much make up, what I do know is heavy make-up won't help.

Lots of dd's classmates (year 7 11 year old girls) are having facials.

I've found that the girls who are allowed to do things like this are the ones who aren't covered in makeup at 14 and know how to look after their skin and so on.

At 14 they need to know how to look after their skin? Do you mean wash their face? I taught my DS and DD from when they were tiny. No distinctions for boy or girl. Other than that what else do they need to do? Wear sun screen, is the only thing I can think of.

It's the opposite in my area, the girls that spent every weekend wearing make up at Primary school now slap a ton of it on, now that it is allowed from year 7 at secondary. The girls that weren't allowed/weren't interested still don't wear it at secondary.

Of course if they are wearing make-up they need to learn how to clean it off. But they can learn that at 14 quite easily no need to learn at 7 or 8.

How else would we teach our girls and boys that how they look is important to society?

It's really not hard, I'm the parent after all.
I still don't agree, but you can make a difference between being in a play or in a dance show.
Apart from that, you cannot tell a child it's fine to tart up for meeting friends at 9, but not at 14!

Make-up is sold to make us "prettier", "younger", make your eyes bigger, your lips plumper, have a better colour, have a better skin. Why would anyone try to tell their children, usually the girls, that they are not pretty enough and must improve their appearance is beyond me.

Changing your hair colour with one of these chalks things is different, it's fun to have a rainbow head, you are not telling them they look better. But make-up?

I guess it depends how you view makeup.

DD has always been interested in make up since she was 4 and saw me getting stage makeup for Am Dram done. She then started doing Am Dram and had stage make up and is now very interested in being a make up artist - she's helped out backstage at a couple of local kids shows doing makeup.

She loves playing around with make up (she's now 12). She also loves reading, dancing, football, horse riding, animals. I think the message that if children find an interest it isn't the right interest is very damaging.

Girls of 9 should not know what a ‘pamper’ experience is. They should be encouraged to run around, play and have fun

The two are not mutually exclusive. DD (7) likes having her nails painted and playing with a foot spa. She is also a squad level gymnast, won the 80m sprint at sports day and is the fastest swimmer in her year. Why can't she enjoy both? . I enjoy an occasional pamper and also swam the English Channel in 2017.

No pamper parties here as all boys, who would die at the thought of one! But if it's something the kids want to do I can't see any harm in it. It just depends on what the choice of the birthday child is. Equally another child might prefer bowling or sledging. As long as they're happy!