To expect my boyfriend to drive me home?

[ritabe]

I've been seeing him for 4 months now.
Last Saturday night I stayed at his house (he lives about 30 mins away and I always get the train as it's quick and the station is only a few mins from his house.
Went over ordered food etc and went to bed.
Around 1am I woke up feeling sick and from 1am was vomiting every 10 mins then the stomach pains started,I was dripping in sweat and nearly passed out in the bathroom.
This continued all night and didn't sleep a wink.
It got to 10am and I said there's no way I can get on the train like this (it's a 2 carriage train and it's always full the time it gets to his station)
He said "what you gonna do then?"
I said I don't know (his car is sat on the drive here,thinking he would offer to drive me home)
He didn't so I had to get a taxi and sit in the back of the taxi with a carrier bag incase I vomited.
Luckily I didn't..it was the longest journey ever.
Aibu to think he should have drove me home?

Please say you're going to dump him OP

Horrible bf! Dump him!

Op this new into a relationship and it should be all hearts n flowers...if you were suited then it wouldnt matter who had the bigger tv heaven and earth would not keep you apart and you both would do anything to make the other happy,,it wouldnt matter where you were as long as you were together....He was rude not offering to help you..or even if he said stay here love you arent fit to travel anywhere,and looked after you that would be different but he didn't..What he said was basically right off you go love see ya! Not an ideal start to a new relationship...Go grab someone worthy of you..someone who thinks the world of you and who would move mountains to see you happy as you would for them....

Obviously it's nothing to do with your telly and everything to do with not being arsed to travel. Even to get rid of a vomiting woman cluttering up his living space!

Whatever I say about XH - and I frequently do - he would never have had to be asked to give a lift. I would in fact have had to fight him off with a heavy stick if I didn't want a lift. I can only think of two occasions when he wasn't up for driving: one, he had a serious bout of 'flu (that year when the whole country went down with it), and the other, he'd managed to finish half a bottle of Southern Comfort and couldn't even stand up let alone drive. Twerp.

Next!

Seriously you are only 4 months in - this should be the time when you are falling over yourselves to show each other you care and being kind. Given that he wasn’t still over the limit or had to get to work or something, there is no excuse. And why on Earth did you have to go home? If he had an ounce of human kindness he would have said “just tuck yourself up in bed until you feel better” at the very least!

After reading some threads on MN I wonder how these awful men manage to get to the stage of being married. Did they just hide their true selves beforehand? Or did the women who married them see it all along and excuse it or not believe they deserved better?

Please don't accept any apologies from him about how he didn't think to offer or why didn't you just ask. The simple truth is that him not offering is all you need to know. Chances are he couldn't be bothered to drive you or didn't want to deal with you being sick in his previous car. You were vulnerable and rather than care for you he packed you off with a stranger. My DH would have insisted I stay with him and he'd have looked after me until I was fit to go home alone, and he then would have driven me. That's not a stealth boast but gives context to ridiculous comments like 'men are stupid' They are as perfectly capable as we are, there are just good ones and bad ones.

Awful selfish man. Get rid.

Are TV screens these days inversely proportionate to the size of penises?

Get rid.

Hopefully he will have caught your bug

If he didn't have the basic cop on to bring you home then he's really not worth bothering with. He expects you to do all the running because your tv is too small - please ditch this idiot. You are worth more than that.

Sorry to sound harsh Rita, but it sounds like he is making good use of you. Value yourself, dump his sorry arse, you are worth more.

Well yes he should offer, but come on it's not hard to ask or say I'm hoping you will give me a lift

If he doesn't think to offer you a lift at this point, or to make the effort to travel to you, then what are you even getting out of it except some sex which you could get from anywhere else and from much kinder men?

Whatever you do, make 1 billion per cent sure that you are using effective contraception. You do not want a child with this man. If you decide that he is better than no man at all.

Wow what a gent you have there! Dump his sorry arse,he does not deserve you

Dump him. He has clearly shown here that he doesn't care about you at all. The TV comment is an excuse because he's too lazy to arse himself to travel. Don't waste any more of your time with this guy.

I mean this kindly, but what are your standards for a boyfriend OP? A v. basic bar for me would be asking myself, "what would a friend of mine do in this situation?" and if BF's behaviour doesn't match up then feck it. Any friend of mine would have offered to drive me home when I was ill and there's no way I'd have had to ask.

Men are not stupid at all and some women unfortunately delude themselves that this is the case to justify shitty behaviour. There are just shitty people and unfortunately you've been seeing one here.

Just for a comparison - i had been with my DP for a month or so when i did a full Marathon walk through London through the night (8hr 20 minutes) finished at 6:20ish in the morning. My partner stayed up through the night to check how i was getting on, knowing my legs would be dead he drove into London to take me back to Kent (planned to get the train back). Let me sleep whilst tidying my flat and running me a bath and made me tea on demand... THATs what you do when you genuinely care for someone.

Unless his car was broken DUMP HIM.

ritabe "I didn't ask because I didn't want to seem cheeky .
I thought he would have offered."

Start by valuing yourself. If I was in he presence of a boyfriend, a friend or even a close colleague and I started vomiting and needed to go home I would expect them to offer. When they did not, I would ask. If they said no without a very good reason that would be the last of my time I would voluntarily be spending with them.

In your shoes I would tell him you are over because I'd not want to waste another minute coupled up with a man who has so little concern for me to put me in a taxi when I was sick and he had a car sitting on the drive.

My 15 year old DD was a bit ill at school last week. Not desperately poorly, but needed to go home. I am a teacher. A colleague I am not particularly close to gave up her free period so that I could pick up my daughter and drive her home. This is someone I don't really know, not my boyfriend of 4 months. Obviously she is a kind person, and I bought her a bottle of wine to thank her.

Your boyfriend is clearly not a kind man, who cares about you. This should be important to you. If it is, call time on this relationship.

Have my very first LTB.

As a pp said, I would do this for someone I didn't know very well at all and would down right insist for even the vaguest of friends let alone someone I was sleeping with.

Total ingrained selfishness but worse is that it doesn't even occur to him to offer. Sorry op, I hope you're feeling better very quickly

He wants you to come to him when he wants sex and once the sex is over, he couldn't care less. Sorry if that sounds harsh, OP, but that is the reality of the situation. Dump him and work on your self esteem so you don't get out like this again. The refusal to put himself out to meet you because your TV is too small really should have been the red flag that had you running for the hills.

Are you going to see him again OP?

I got really ill on the 2nd date with DP. Bad stomach, sweats, the lot. He drove me home straight away as fast as possible, from one side of London to the other.

This bloke you are seeing sounds like a wanker tbh.

My husband is of the "if you'd asked" type for a fair number of things which is irritating but not a deal breaker for me, but he bends over backwards to make sure the important stuff is covered.

Even in the early days of our relationship he wouldn't have let me catch a taxi alone whilst feeling/being ill. If he couldn't have driven me home himself in similar circumstances he'd have come with me to make sure I was home safe and had everything I needed.

Your boyfriend is telling you loud and clear how important you are to him and your priority in his life. Do yourself a favour and pay attention. You don't live together, you don't have children together. Cut your losses now and stop wasting time on someone who can't put you first when even when you're ill.

Hope you feel better soon

Just out of interest, has he contacted you to check that you are OK?

He doesn’t sound like a keeper tbh x

ritabe
"I never get lifts no.
I always go to his as he says my tv is too small blush
I know I should have asked but I'm such a awkward person,I didn't feel comfortable begging for a lift"

You should not need to beg for anything. It looks like he is using you, he is making no effort in this 'relationship'.

Totally agree with Ellisandra and everyone else.

"He doesn’t like you enough to watch a smaller TV half the time, so that you’re not the one traveling.

So why would you ever expect him to care enough to drive you home when sick?"

"Learn from this." Yes, do learn, you could have ended up with a baby with this man and you doing everything and him doing nothing.

Drop him.

I agree with the others. Sorry. It's not as if you are putting him out, begging for lifts every week. Any decent person would've offered to take you home.